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Thursday August 21, 08
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04:23 PM - i was supposed to go see Radiohead tomorrow
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music: Creep(live) BY The Cure
mood: saddy
i dont think i can bring myself to do it now, the last time i saw them was back in September of 2003
i went with Tina and 2 other people i considered my friends at the time
it was a real hard show for me, the crowd was close, i could smell them all, and we had got there late(i fuckin h8 that!)
which did not give me time to get use to the space before the lights went out
i endured it as long as i could, but during the encore i wanted to leave, i did not expect J. or M. to go back with me to the car, but Tina, well, she did not go back with me either, i tried to make my way back in the dark, it was hard, i fell more than once, lost my glasses, crawled around til i found them, i started to hyper ventilate until i burst out into the fresh air
then, of course, i started to get angry, it was a long lonely walk back to the car
by the time they got back i was pretty furious, i tried to hide it best i could, i dont think i succeeded, one more time where i am sure my anger(if anything) is all that anybody else remembered
so yeah, i do not think i can go see Radiohead tomorrow, i fear too much it would serve as a trigger for another episode, right now as i write this i can already feel the memory of how abandoned and betrayed i felt by Tina that night, i guess i deserved it, or should have seen it as a sign of what worse horrors were to come after
or maybe it was not too late to get her to love me the way she had before, i mean it did take another year or so for her to leave me
but now i remember it as kind of the beginning of the end!
ps: shit, i was supposed to got to 'MEAT' tonight too, i doubt i am up for that now...
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