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Sunday August 17, 08
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09:11 AM - i am home!
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music: none
mood: good
the bus trip was horrible, but should be my last
i really stayed too long, however, i was happy to see my Uncle Bill one last time i think
with his kidneys are not functioning he has really wasted away to almost nothing, he was always a small guy, but hard wired, fiercely strong for his size
i mean this is a guy who was a Dunkirk and D-Day
how glorious that must have been, to return 4 years later like that
but life can be a bitch, his grandchildren really do not respect him
they do not take care of him which really pisses me off
and to add insult to this injury two of his grandsons have a bunch of neo-nazi tattoos all over their body
i hope when he passes i can hold my tongue about how i really feel about them
i know they do not respect me anyways because they see me as some race mixer
and like Bill i never boasted to them or told any war stories
but this time we had a 3 generation moment, bill, my step dad, and me
one of my pot bellied cousins had his back to us and all the 3 of us could see was his huge swastika on his back, my step dad saw my eyes flare up
and i did not say anything
then i just looked at Bill and said:
"They just don't know do they?"
he said:
"Aye, aye, they don't"
it was real weird as i just watched him and R. my step dad
they get it even better than me
i mean i understand now that respect is to be given not demanded
but what i could see their in that moment is that
even though they deserve it(& me to a little i guess)
they really do not want from those that are not worthy to give it
i'd like to get there too, where i dont just restrain* myself like i must still often do
where i also really do not want to 'put their kind in their place'
especially when they are family, but they really are not family i guess
we make our own family or if you are like me
really do not have one in the greater sense
i think this may be just the way it was meant to be
some of us must stand as breed apart, waiting to be consulted by those who should seek our counsel
but not only know they likely won't, but be ok with that
right now i find that a little easier to accept
ps: the doggie seems fine, and my bro is not mad at me about what happened, i think he is going to even start taking the pitbull out on a leash every once and a while just so he(thepip) does not fight it so much
i mean nobody wants to totally break him, but its for his own protection, woa as i read what i wrote i realize the same could be said about me!
;-D
*=for a long time i got away with lacking restraint, but all this meant is that when that stopped, i found myself a man of over 30 with little control over my impulses which i really was a prisoner to, getting away with things is not just wrong to others, it made me a slave too i see now...
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Good thing, we do not have Autobahn!
I would have crashed, Long ago!
Soooo, As my Aunt said (as she signaled to go over her car one day, while I was going to the grocery store with her)
If You can "Go Over" me, Do it, If not get over it!
Or not had a Drivers license!
Well, all I can say is that for some..
Well,We need to have self discipline...
Since, we do not have someone to hmm, Set us straight!
See, In this case it was my momma and only her.
I now just try to recall her words.
Wow, wonderful firm sweet and even nagging words are what I hear...:)
haha
At least this is what I thought.Until the day I had to take this test..See my kids are grown enough to somehow have their nerve to set me straight!
Yet, they do respect me and my opinion counts to them very much..
I am very fortunate.. It all comes along Robby..
Somehow...
This Poem Is short but I found can actually get to the point I want to share:)
by Bryce E Coast
* Road Of life
Life is a very long road to travel
And everyone stops for gas
But gee, when prices are this high
It's hard to travel fast
You have to turn in here and there
Into these vast pit-stops
You have to be so much prepared
And wary of the cops
Life and the road go hand in hand
Just have to stay their course
Treading upon them trudgingly
To reach the next high source
Nails and glass can stifle you
Along those many sectors
The many woes can turn you blue
With different viles of vectors
Often their very diverse signs
Can sometimes be amusing
Following that bumbling navigator
Can really get confusing
Pressing down, so forcefully
On the accelorator
Can feel like you're not getting far
Like on an escalator
You pay the price for all their grief
As different journ's commences
Stopping at marts and convenience store
To pay their high expenses
Scooping into your pot of stew
To feed that bearing piper
And keep belongings close at hand
Away from swiping swipers
Going through the pits and tolls
To roam upon those roads
Can smell like very smelly toads
To reach your next new goals.*
Life, Respect, Honesty,Loyalty, Virtue and Patience Is what I wish you....:)