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Friday August 15, 08
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07:48 AM - weird dream & 'Tina on the brain'
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music: Snow Patrol
mood: weird
i often have vivid dreams but the ones i have here can be quite odd
last nite i had dream that me & my family took part in the 'Ghost Festival' or Tết Trung Nguyên
which was just crazy, the dream was me and bunch of other white people!
no Asian people, it was weird
everybody was looking to me to tell them what to do
but i kind of was just making it up as i went along
i had my brothers bow before our mother with me
and when we did so we saw our dead brother was with us
everybody could see all our ghosts too
but when they spoke we could not understand them
well, i could a little
they seemed to be speaking Chinese
a bunch of dead white people speaking chinese
let me tell you it was weird
and everybody looking to me as the family expert on 'all things Asian'
at some point i just ran off
i think maybe i should stop watching the olympics
'moving on'
all this lead to what i call 'Tina on the brain' as i tried to sleep through the rest of the night
in this dreamlike state my mind often replays its memories of our past together
and recently i have been experimenting with changing my perspective when such happens
i find it quite easy to change it to 'floating above & seeing all'
but its quite scary for me to see things from 'a Tina pov'
but when i think i do, like last night
well there is this tremendous feeling of well
awe, awe at how she endured me for 8 years
rather than too much feeling of hate that it was not longer
i mean i cannot endure me!
to think that someone did for so long is quite ridiculous
then my mind moves on to all the angles of this, like:
hey, if it took 8 years to finally push her away, then well maybe given enough time, she can come to endure me again
especially since i think i am nicer now*
;-D
other fantastical ideas too of course, i should have wrote them down at the time
but i did not want to wake anyone up as i lay on my bed so all that remains now is some awe...
*=reading this reminds me not to be so pathetic though
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