Once you've been let down enough, you no longer can open up, unless it's just for fun. You humour the moment. I do miss the romantic in me, but being alone and romantic for too long is a recipe for burnout. Well, it is when the betrayals are so thick as they are in my life. Romance becomes a thing to recoil from, to distrust, to the point of almost hostility.

There is more than one set of values I can have. One, is romantic and makes me sensitive. The other, the one that I now have, lets me seek my own interests, to think in terms of boundaries that are crisply defined and straightforwardly defended.

Can I make a blend of the two? I know I was too extreme on the romantic frame of mind, when I got together with that man some months ago. If I'd had the latter frame, the one that is practical, I wouldn't have been able to enjoy myself so much with him. If I'd had the blend, I may still be seeing him and high on those chemicals my body makes when romantically involved.