What I had most wanted, and would have been ecstatic just to have that, would be feeling someone care about me, and to bask in his embrace, to sit on his lap like a child, to feel fantastic just doing that, to sit, with my arms and hands resting on his, his resting on the arms of the armchair, feeling sexy but not needing sex, just feeling free there, just to feel loved.

Many years ago I did that for this woman I found on a beach shivering and wet at night. I gathered her in my arms and sat with her between my legs. I just wrapped my jacket and my body around her until she stopped shivering, and would have continued to care for her but she had somewhere she wanted to get to. It was so tender, she accepted my help without any stiffness. I want someone to do that for me, only I wouldn't disappear on them like she did me. I wonder if she misses me. I want someone to love me like that, to be open to caring about me, just a waif found on the beach,...but I don't see who can think this way. I mean without doing it because they want a wife, a prop, a ...cook, etc...I just wanted to care for her. I had no design to seduce her or to make her my slave. Or my decoration for that matter. It was just this warm instinct to care and I don't understand why people don't seem to think that way so much, they don't dive in like that. Afraid I guess, of some idea that it will bring problems, like I left someone who cared about me once, maybe more than once, because of an unfounded fear, a misplaced fear.

I'm not saying I don't enjoy sex if it's good...just that it wouldn't necessarily have to happen to make me feel happy...oh I'd be trying to get it though, if I felt he loved me especially.

Just to be front to front with our shirts on, if he would be passionate about it, would feel so wonderful, but he's just, I suspect, stereotyping me when he saw me doing that, trying to bask there. He probably thought " What is she trying to get me back into bed here? I said I have to go and here she is trying to make me drop my pants? What the hell is she up to? Why doesn't she just unzip me and put her mouth on it then, dumb bitch. "

I so doubt he understands me and I doubt he'd care to read all this too..