Happy Birthday!

guess what i did on my 18th birthday?
~Robby

it only gets worse.....

savor your 18th year. you only get it once each lifetime. this one is uniquely yours. be here now.

  yes, death is inevitable. get over it. I used to have that same line. when I was in my early teens I always thought I was going to die at 18. but, I didn't. ( 2 of my cousins committed suicide around that time in their life--late teens/early 20s and I got to see what that does to people who are 'left behind'. suicide is a selfish act.)

anyway, I used to have this line, when ever someone would talk to me, ask how I was doing, I'd go into a funk and say "oh, I'm just surrendering to the inevitable. dying a slow death." that worked pretty well at keeping people away. (except those who are attracted to morose teen-agers) anyway, I ended up not dying at 18, so after I passed that age then I kept wondering when death would come. but, in the meantime I had to keep myself busy so I went to parties and clubs. one night at a party, the man my eyes had been glued to all night from across the room came over and spoke to me. I had already met him briefly the before and I knew his name was Sydney and he was from London. I was thrilled when he came walking towards me. But, when he asked how I liked the party (or some other opening line of that nature) I foolishly gave him my usual reply about my "surrendering to the inevitable" death bullshit (really a tired line at 28.)

Syd smiled and then laughed at me. he said he had lost his mother when he was 18 and that he had gone through a long period of his life looking at things the same way I did. So he said he wouldn't interrupt me pondering death, if that is what I wanted to do. But then, instead of turning and walking away, he said, "but if while you're pondering death you want to come take a ride down by the Potomac River on the back of my motorcycle, I wouldn't mind." I took him up on the offer, and in the years to follow, I ending up having many adventures with Syd, on more than one continent.

it was with Syd that I learned the truth of that tired old cliche "Life isn't about the destination, its about the journey."

Dear urchin, I hope you can find something and someone around you that makes you feel good. (a Morrissey song?) and I hope you can find something inside yourself, that makes you feel happy. nurture it. let happiness come from within. don't let your energy be sucked out of you. there are energy vampires that we encounter everyday. avoid them. and don't be one yourself.

I don't want to sound like an old lady giving you this advice, but my heart goes out to you. Take it from a 47 year old almost teenage-suicide: as you get older, the homones will level off a bit and things don't seem quite as bad. but yes, death is inevitable.

What a great age to be. I know you don't happen to agree though. But, when you get into your thirties you may wish you were 18 once again.

"add to that i'm skint, i'm ill and have nothing to look foward to. I ducked out of college again today" and slept for ages, i slept twelve hours the night before but is till woke up exhausted as ever. Yes i've slept through my 18th birthday! how sad. and yet i don't really care, i care that i don't care, but still nothing really effects me anymore. so much for happy pills, what a crock of shit, still no change.
here i am 18,at one of the best colleges in the country, and still me, still low. goddamn it to hell."

you are 18 and say you are depress, and say you are skint? and you are going to best college in the country? your eating disorder sounds it's brought on by your being spoiled. i never had money at 18, no one to help me get through college too. what do you have to be depressed about? oh,and you come on the internet so you have a computer too. some don't have anything, but you have lots to be grateful for. you are spoilt. glad i won't be having' kids, today they have options and material things and still say things like they are skint, hmm. mom and dad indulge you with materials, but not enough attention. oh, well. i got neither. but never whined about it either.