so i get here before 1PM with what feels like half of my belongings and contents of my refrigerator. no one gave a specific time so i assumed it would be a late lunch.

no, i get here just in time for "lunch" which was very light. a pimento cheese sandwich. and the chocolate pie was the dessert for that. i didn't eat much to make sure i was plenty hungry for supper, which happened close to 7.

my mom expressed bafflement at the mushrooms, even though my dad likes that sorta stuff and was going "mmm!" when i said what they were. i really don't know why my mom was treating them like alien remnents. no they aren't traditional, but i don't know if she felt offended that i was bringing my own food or what. i had done them all up and the only thing left to do was actually bake them. i figure that since these people own 2 ovens, there should be no big problem.

nope, she misunderstood and thought they only take 5 minutes to bake! so i waited in line behind all the stuffing and greenbean casserole to bake it, so while we were all chowing down on the sides, my little creations that i worked on the day before were baking, and by the time they came out, everyone was full, including myself.

but i resolutely ate half of one (they're portobellos so they are huge) and they were good, but i was going to explode by that point. i had to wait for a good while as my stomach got enough room to accomodate the pie.

anyhow, despite the fact that this is thanksgiving, it feels way too soon for christmas. it feels like exactly yesterday when the michigan crew was down here complaining about the heat.

and it didn't help when i woke up this morning and realized that on top of all that, the big 2-8 was lurking around the corner. i'm quickly kissing my 20's goodbye. i don't like this one bit. if i haven't been able to sail by on anything, the fact that i'm young and decent looking has made up for a lot of that. what happens when all of that goes as well?

that sounds vain, but this also comes from the girl who sulked for over two years wearing braces. its sorta like walking around with big painful zits on your face that stay there for weeks at a time. nobody feels attractive like that so i should be no different with my pettiness.

and a day it was

i'm still waiting for dinner.

anyhow, my mom said that she saw the kilborn show a few weeks ago. she said, "he's an odd fellow isn't he?" which you can't really lie to that one, but that's why we like him.

say hello to the new computer. it will be coming home with me tomorrow, and not a minute too soon. my old computer was so confused this morning that first, it started dialing my connection on its own, and then it uninstalled my netscape program! on its own! demonic possession is never good.

i had gone drinking with A last night, and she confirmed that i wasn't a looney in regards to how everything was really segregated around Virginia. I made a mention that i would like to go back because its more of a scenic thing and fits more of my speed. She said she wouldn't want to. She said that when she was 13 years old, she and her family were driving through and pulled in at a restaurant. When they walked in, suddenly, the entire room went quiet for a couple of seconds. The waitress rushed up there all "oh how are you doing!" in a really nervous way to cover up for everyone else. So yes, kiss my shades, i am more observant than the nay sayers give me credit for.

i worked my fingers to the nub for two days which is why i'm not writing...as much! :P

i finally have a story to illustrate what i'm talking about in the problems people have in turning vegeterian.

the flake i work with told me that for a couple of days she hadn't been eating meat. apparently on saturday, she gave herself a really nasty case of food poisoning when she threw some undercooked meat into her spaghetti sauce.

she said that she had been eating nothing but junk for a couple of days and i believe it because when i brought cookies to work on monday, she ate a good many of them as apparently, she has no concept of what real meals should look like without meat.

of course she went back to her old ways when someone brought homemade tamales (which sound delicious, but i'm sure even the bean ones are made with lard), but it seems to me that what the shelves need at the bookstores are vegeterian recipes that aren't scary for those who need convincing and don't think that the alternative to meat is starving yourself to death.

from most recipe books that i've seen, the ingredients combinations are a bit exotic. especially the magazines which make being a veg a snooty experience. meals for the average person should not ask for truffle paste, okay?

but enough of the dull talk, lets pontificate on another covered dish head scratcher:

marshmallows

you know, like the ones the pilgrims harvested in the fields so long ago.

i've never liked marshmallows. they make a weird sound when you chew them, and they are like eating a dry sponge. even the ones they put in cereal are gross and those aren't even real ones.

my querie is this: why must candied yams have a layer of marshmallows on them? why is there this apple-grape fruit salad thingie that has marshmallows tossed in? why did the cranberry fruit salad that i made for my mom tonight need them?

i, of course, scooped out a bit for myself and set it aside and tossed in the marshmallows for their own bowl.

we've never made it before, but i don't know what to think about it.

how did this tiny, nasty little creations manage to sneak their way into potluck dinner society?

probably because the makers of marshmallows said, "you know what? we need to increase our sales and come up with recipes to use marshmallows in everyday food..."

sorta like velveeta. the only way i comprehend the use of velveeta is in Rotel dip. if you had your choice, wouldn't you want something that IS currently cheese and not something that once was?

and for those of you who haven't made anything yet, here's the recipe:

bottom layer:
4 oz cream cheese
1 tbsp milk
1 tblspn sugar
1 1/2 cups cool whip

mix all together and pour in a graham cracker crust

top layer:

1 cup milk
1 can pumpkin
2 packages vanilla instant pudding
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1/2 tsp ground ginger
1/4 tsp ground gloves

mix all together and spread on top of other layer.

and you don't have to bake or anything. that's it.
its what i look forward to every year. and the best part is that another one will be made for christmas!

damn. don't mind me. i've been surrounded by food for two days straight. my oven hasn't been going as much as my dishwasher has. and my hands are chapped from repeatedly washing hands/dishes/countertops etc. but it was fun.

i decided not to do tofu turkey. instead, i'm doing these stuffed mushroom things rolled in filo dough. i think i wanted to make a contribution that everyone could have some of, even if it doesn't add anything "traditional" to the palate.

i made the pies last night. tonight, i'm finishing up the rest of it.

the double layer pie is so easy. making the chocolate pie from scratch is time consuming. hopefully it will taste good. i've never made it before.

didn't get off work until 3. everyone was waiting on this one dude in community affairs to fill in his mcdonald's lights of love spots. maybe he just didn't realize that once we were done, we could all leave, but he was going about it at normal speed.

oh well. maybe i should find some supper and then start with part II.

so i was thinking about the station's 50th anniversary party, and i wondered if i should take anyone.

whenever i go to these functions, i never really ask anyone as i have no one to ask. its more of a date situation, i think. that, and if you went, you dont want to offer it to only one of your friends as you can't take the entire load with ya....especially when everyone else finds out there is free booze.

so i decided on the melding point: the male friend...mr gossip!

he's always asking what certain reporters are like...and he can name most of them so that is a rarity. which even though i can name a lot of them, i really have very little exposure to them, although i can now hear dirt via people that used to work with them.

so i wrote him an email and he said, "yay! i can finally meet ___(the mole)__!"

so with that, i feel like i've done my good deed for the day.

i like when i have all my pillows piled up on one end of my bed. its nice to come home to after work and crash into them face first and lay there.

until a telemarketer calls.

how does telemarketing still exist?

do they know how many blissful moments these people have robbed from me?
and you've read these journals. its not like i climb mt everest or go running through open meadows or come bounding in with exciting news of love or attending state dinner parties at the governor's mansion where i'm a mover and shaker out to change the course of the world. it shouldn't be too much to ask that i get a little trifle here and there to make up for the fact that life is dull. but instead, i get rewarded with a ping of grouchiness that i'm awakened from a nap.
er.

well at least with the front blowing through, my allergies are subsiding a bit. it was nice and warm yesterday so you know that meant misery for me.

i know that you can't escape allergies completely, but i wonder if there is a part of the country i could live that allergies aren't like this? east texas was pretty bad for me, and no one diagnosed it. "oh they're colds..." the doctors would say, even though i got them at the exact same time every year and i didn't feel bad or achy beyond my head being congested. i apparently was the only person who noticed that i came down with a cold every time spring break rolled around.

my mom even got frustrated with how sick i was all the time. "quit eating all that junk food because the sugar ruins your immune system!" when about 6 weeks would pass and i would get yet another mind-bender of a sinus infection.

but you're young and you don't know. and when the doctor is saying these things, you assume that they know better than you do. and so if you are getting sick all the time, obviously you aren't taking care of yourself.

but i then started getting "colds" every time i went back to school at UT in late August and they would last for weeks...then the "colds" i got on my birthday that would just linger.

i had the pleasure of missing out on cedar fever in college because i was always going home for the holiday break.

its really irritating. allergies dot my dad's side of the family.

well i got my pics back today. not too spectacular, but what do you expect with a little $35 camera?

these next two days are just going to drag aren't they? i'm spoiled since my vacation. the concept of a 5 day work week sounds barbaric. i have one of those next week before i use up the last couple of vacation days that i have left. i will need that strength. my boss will be gone for probably about 3 weeks and i will be holding down the fort...through christmas and new year's holidays. don't be surprised if you find a suicide note here if things get hairy. or even better, a note saying that i've packed up my car because i've decided to be homeless by choice in the face of having to do this crap in the name of paying bills. or i've gone to live in a monastary because its not like i was fending off the guys anyhow and i'll be sending off care packages of homemade cookies to anyone who leaves their address as penance for working in that environment. or go live in the trees until i've inhaled enough pollen without aid of my sinus meds to go insane. or maybe i'll just go to italy and spend 6 months slowly going from one end to the other, and end my days with a nice swim in the sewage infested waters surrounding Venice as now i've seen it all. or maybe i'll just pick some really weird band that nobody gives a shit about and that is heading absolutely nowhere and tour and stalk them like they were someone just to make them feel loved and to get all the free and unattached sex that i want, starting from the singer down to the lowliest roadie.

ah so many possibilities...

i was too brain dead to confirm that yes, i'm getting a new computer!

sorta.

i told my dad last week that i would take his "old" one (which is roughly a year old) because he was looking for an excuse to build another souped up one for himself, and man he moves fast. like a kid in a candy store "i have all of the parts except the motherboard!" was what i was greeted with today. and i'm going to bring this one over on thanksgiving to transfer the files i want saved....which really isn't anything.

so this means i can finally have a functioning unit and maybe can download some of the things i've been missing out on.

i think maybe i should not have gone to that club that night.

i was improving up until that point. i was only there for two hours and in that time, it seemed like it ruined my progress on my cold/allergy thing. at least before i went there, i could talk with clarity. but it didn't help that i woke up the next morning with bloodshot eyes.

or maybe i laid off my garlic treatment too early.

its bad. i don't think i have the stamina for that sort of scene. at all. I probably never had it, but this weekend proved that whatever i had was duly lost. its not like we danced or did anything particularly draining, but i think i enjoy myself better doing low-key things like seeing movies or sitting around in areas where you don't have to compete with the P.A. system to have a conversation and having the occasional meal or trek to the coffeehouse. I can handle music shows if they are by myself, but even i haven't been venturing out in that area too much. i think the last show i saw before the divine comedy, or at least a show that i had active interest enough to purchase tickets and go of my own accord, was probably Belle and Sebastian way back in April/May.

come to think of it, i've been avoiding a lot of things that involve going out for any length of time. maybe that's why i was having such a hard time dealing with D.C.

anyhow, i have an interesting acquisition in my fridge: a turkey!

no i haven't gone to the darkside. its just that Albertsons has been giving away free turkeys to people who buy more than $50 worth, and so my parents now have 3 turkeys and nowhere to store one of them. so i gave turkey lurkey a home until that day should arrive that it shall be gobbled. I don't think if posed with that turkey and posted the results on the net that it would get the same reaction as mozzer's peta dinner birdy. its just weird having meat in my freezer.

but i will be baking like crazy. i've been put in charge of the double layer pumpkin pie and some cranberry salad with marshmallows...which you know i won't really eat the latter as i hate marshmallows. but i'm also making the other pie plus am taking it upon myself to make tofu turkey. i picked up a holiday supplement from veggie times with a recipe.

the gods hate me.

i've been trying to write a letter to michael moore. last night, after i finished this long-winded diatribe, my netscape had crashed taking the email with it.

today, i wrote another one. longer and better than the other. then, my stupid web based platform said that my session had timed out...and of course, my email got sucked into that vortex as well, never to be seen again.

so, since this is a lot more reliable as far as not doing shitty things like timing out, i'll write it here, and then cut and paste.

Dear Mike:

I finally got to see Columbine last week when i was in D.C. on vacation. This was after trying to see it in Austin when it was still selling out the second weekend in a row at the Dobie. God knows why they only had it showing at that one tiny theater when this is the part of Texas where the dems and independents cling together like the last few cheerios in a cereal bowl. But maybe it was a good thing that i got to see it in D.C. when you're having walls of American history being flung in your face.

I was thinking about the woman with the 6 year old who shot the classmate. Being raised in Texarkana, is much easier to buy the argument that southerners are racist fools. I was used to black people bussing tables, and when the media makes this giant stink about how its all the south's fault, you think, "OK, i can buy that. maybe northerners have their shit together."

but then you go to washington D.C. and notice something very strange. Everywhere you go, black people tear your tickets, pick through your backpack to make sure you aren't armed with explosives, and take your food orders in the commissaries. They are there to make sure that the hordes of white people who go through the Smithsonian are fed and can get into the Imax screenings on time. The only black people i really saw there who were on an excursion were usually with a elementary school outing. Maybe the idea of slavery has gone away, but nobody has really addressed the idea of the "faithful colored servant" have they?

And i told people this when i got home, and they would say, "well, D.C. is 70% black" and they change the subject, probably thinking, "man, suzanne is racist for saying something like that!" but they don't even want to hear the entire point that not only were the tourists mostly white, but so were most of the commuters in their little business suits.

It sorta makes me feel a bit vindicated, but as long as people sit around and worry about silly things like if some state is flying the confederate flag, what's it going to do for the living? "What are you bitching about? We took down the Confederate flag! Don't you people do anything but complain?" To me, its tokenism.

As a person who works at a television station, I wasn't at all surprised by the reporter who was doing his Gary Shandling "how's my hair?" routine. I'm sure you understand the politics of how this man got his job. His looks, the demographics he pulls in, and his delivery.

I personally don't work in the news department, but i've had more than one case of them trodding up in their oversized sunglasses worn at 8AM and saying, "excuse me, i'm the entertainment reporter and i've misplaced my swipe card, could you let me in?" Or when you're trying to back out of your parking space in the garage, and are mostly finished with that task and here comes one flying around the corner and blocking you in so you have to pull back up because they don't have enough room to get around and they don't have enough courtesy to let you go.

It's petty gripes, and I have more of them, but reporters generally aren't caring individuals. And considering they have to work in this environment where they are trained to strip an event like 500 people being incinerated alive in front of their eyes into an opportunity of having people see their reporting and winning popularity, this guy in your movie was simply parr.

And the viewer at home is so sadly disillusioned when we present ourselves as standing up for the commonman and being able to tell injustices where they happen. This guy i work with hurt his back lifting a camera as part of his job. They pressured him into getting an answer from the doctor by emailing and calling everyday for any possible disibility claim. He wasn't smart, but to get rid of them as this was an HMO thing of it taking eons to get the doctor to see you, he finally said, "no".

Now, they're having to fuse his vertabrae together because he ruptured his disk so badly, and they told him that if he didn't come back to work by Nov. 15th, as that was the date they were no longer obligated to him, they would terminate his employment.

Since then, it looks like they've managed to come up with an alternative with either another job or a severance package, but this man had a newborn sitting at home.

Of course, i think they should have called up the "Seven on your side" hotline and say, "yes, i work for this company...." and not say who it is and see what the person on the other line has to say.
But my favorite theme that you touched upon in the movie was the perpetuation of terror, not only in the "comfy pillows are out to murder your babies! find out how on tonight's news..." But even worse in G.W. not even having to say why we should be afraid of anyone. He could probably announce that Saddam has sharks with lasers strapped to their heads and they're swimming right for Florida and people would say, "nuke 'em!"

the saddest and most obvious case is Saudi Arabia. After the attacks and despite the fact that most of the hijackers were originally from Saudi, Bush was falling all over himself to say that the Saudis are our friends and stand behind us in our time of crisis. they were our Tammy Wynette.

Then, the Saudis said they didn't want us using their country and a base for bombing Saddam.

Not immediately afterwards, but soon enough, the FBI is now suddenly "investigating" the idea that maybe they weren't our friends all along. It strangely took them 14 months to realize that there might be a connection!

We can't accept with any level of maturity that someone told us no, so we have to make sure that we announce to everyone that the Saudis smell like cabbage or something would be amiss. Anyhow, it still makes me worried that because all these ideas are now so entrenched, that even if you tell someone "hey, we're just screwing everyone right and left" that they look at you and say, "well, there was reason!" and just like the discussion about race, it gets dropped and swept away. Just like when you point out that the hijackers had box cutters as weapons of mass destruction. People don't like hearing that one either.

Oh well. I've rambled enough. But your movie was definitely worth the trouble i've been through in trying to see it. I'll be looking forward to any new books you have coming along.

ss

i just got done with lying around for about 3 hours. with that and my sluggishness this past week, i think i'm on the road to recouperation....even if my voice is still not fully cooperating with that edict despite not really having had a conversation with anyone all day. so i might have to miss church....again.

not a big loss i suppose.

i was thinking of seeing a movie, but i've already seen columbine which now the bastards are starting to play at the theater down the road from me, don't really feel moved to see Harry Potter...although i did see the last one and even though it was passable entertainment and doesn't make me crave a sequel, you know how it is when you're bored and you end up making a decision to see a movie that hasn't moved you either way, and i'm too bitter at the indie scene to go see any of their offerings. fuck that shit. its like PBS. they've cultivated an audience and cater to it. it might have offered exciting things like Monty Python at one point, but mark my words that it will one day be showing A Fine Mess and My Hero.

but my exercise this evening might be just to go rent something if i get my energy up enough to do that. i made one excursion to the store, and that was it. and it was a beautiful day that i could have gone walking in.

i'm about to make oatmeal cookies. i'm on the look out for food-food ideas for thanksgiving, but part of me is thinking of chocolate merengue pie for my mom because she likes my aunts saying its the best chocolate pie she's ever had, and my aunt won't give the recipe to anyone and my aunt is also a dink in general, so maybe i'll be the generous soul who tries to fill that gap.

I've never tried Tofurkey, but i think they might do better business for making smaller servings for those of us who are the lone vegeterians at the table. its not that i feel there must be a turkey substitute because there are usually enough sides to fill you up, but you know how that goes. people see that you are lacking the main course and think you're wasting away like some kid in Ethiopia.