One more thing:

What I find very funny, Nono, is how, for someone not coming, I gather, from a particularly well-off family, you wonderfully adapted to being rich, to the point that all you do now is talk about money, and business, as if that was all you'd ever known.
Also, for someone who for years didn't work, and who, without the Smiths, would still be writing bitter letters to the nme at the age of fifty, living at mama's, waiting for his giro, it's also remarkable how much you despise working people, who pay for your vegetarian fancies by doing jobs you could never have brought yourself to do, because they were oh so tedious for such a gifted young man as yourself.

  It's amusing to consider you don't seem to realize the world you live in is comfortable because such people exist. Not only those fans give you their money, but they also have jobs that mean your laptop works, you have cheddar in the fridge, you can wear nice shirts, you can enjoy a drink in a pub, your hotel room is ready etc etc etc.,that sort of things...

I guess you don't realize those people you address in such a business-like manner are the ones keeping you alive in all senses of the word.

So, you're probably right to not want to mix with paupers like us. After all, I can't think of one person you bear talking to who counts their pennies...Come to think of it, that is probably why you rejected me in the first place, ages ago, besides the fact that I didn't have ties with the Mafia...

It's highly amusing to me.

There is nothing worse than a nouveau riche...Take an ignorant, spoiled brat, give him the world, sycophants, take pictures, et "voilą!"...As they say in England...

I suppose it's like making Tarzan war a tuxedo and expecting him not to swing from the chandelier...It does require a proper education to be rich and still have class...It's the very select few...The true gentlemen...And gentlewomen.

Speaking of gentlemen, I'm sure Tarzan, although raised by a gorilla, (if memory serves), would share all his bananas with Jane. Without her even having to ask.

Again, here, nothing replaces a good parental education.

No, Noodle, the bananas,... it was an example. No, no, thank you, keep it, keep it, keep it. No, honestly. (What do you mean by "can't find anyone to peel it"? A rich, greedy businessman like you? You're lying again. Anyway I have no idea what you're on about)

Bad Noddy. Bad bad Noddy.

"Don't buy that dvd. You're supposed to show me you love me by giving me money. If you give money to someone else, I'll think you don't love me and I'll be unhappy and I'll start eating sand. You're not supposed to have any free will anyway. I know I'm being ridiculous but I can't stop myself. Can't you see I am nothing if I can't control you? My mother never taught me how to deal with human beings. I hate you. I need your bank account codes. You love only me. Julia is the only one who understands. I'd be better off dead. Let me eat sand and kick the bucket when it's empty. You don't love me anyway. Go buy that dvd. Why am I still alive? Oh! A dog do-do pooh-pooh. He he he. Well I am going to eat sand anyway, I'm warning you! I'm a nobody. You're despicable. My mother warned me about the likes of you. I'll do it! Tell them Julia! Tell them! Give me your money! I need your money! Why am I so unhappy? It's Warner's fault. It MUST be. That Merck, I've always known he was useless. I should have listened to mother. I'm feeling sick. I hate Mike Joyce. Oh, "Psycho" is on. So what, it's not an Italian film. I feel like crying. Oh no, I think I'll write a note for true to you instead. Why are you always right? I want to die. Nobody loves me. Where's my lawyer? No, I've changed my mind, I want to sing. Oh no, let me die after all, I'm too unhappy. Who's that actor? He's cute. More sand! More sand! I'm immortal! Let me die! I'll mention royalties if I please! It's true anyway! I know better but I can't stop. Morrissey-solo sucks. My ma never contradicted me! Oh I'm so rich! That's because I deserve it. Nobody loves me. I'm not well. I need to check what they say on that despicable msolo site. Just leave me alone! See if I care!I can't live without you! If you buy that dvd, I'll slit my throat. Look! I'm gonna eat that sand! I'm gonna do it! Shut up, I hate you! My songs are excellent!"

(we had to stop the recorder then: lunch break. Sorry, Noddy.)

(Learn new words with Noddy.Today Noddy is teaching you the word: "slapdash".
S.L.A.P.D.A.S.H. Thank you Noddy!)

I HAVE to say this to 99.9% of Morrissey fans:

I just love you guys!

I love the way you stand your ground. love it love it, love it, love it!

Don't pay attention to Noddy. Noddy just needs one up the arse. Should that prevent you from buying a dvd? Should Morrissey tell you how to spend your money? Do you tell Morrissey how to spend his? Where does his money come from? You know all these answers...

Noddy, I also forgot to say, if you had split profits equally between all Smiths members, (that's 25% of everything each, tweetie), hadn't delayed in sharing money or what the fuck happened, your mama wouldn't have had bailiffs at her door (did she really?): your mama brought it all upon herself because of the shitty way she brought you up, and I'm allowed to say, because, she knows.

I think she kind of expects you to turn to her and have a go at one point you know. I worry that's one development stage you missed somehow. You'd feel a lot better.

And your ma would feel relieved.

It doesn't replace the exercise you need but for that there's always the possibility of asking Julia to buy a big stick...

Spend your money? What money? You still think people have money to spend? You don't read the Financial times very often, do you? :-D ...Thanks to your poor education, you're a rich man, but you know, most people were asked to work when they were young instead of being told they were geniuses and so could stay at home with mama watching telly until the world realized...

I guess you just were extremely lucky, Noddy. You are an extremely lucky man. Do realize, and stop being so anally retentive. (Was always told it was supposed to be a Virgo trait?)

If Julia can't find how to use that stick, I recommend alcohol. (Don't mix both though. Danger.)

The art cover? Well I guess that's because you've done something bad Morrissey... (You've only STARTED paying, lol, you don't seem to realize!)

This time I'm off, Noodle-dy!

Be good! No reading msolo after ten o' clock! (You wouldn't digest that milk otherwise.)

Oh you're such a bad bad Noddy. Oh my. No one looking after you? Wandering in the msolo park all alone like that? -Noddy! STOP setting that wooden horse on fire! Oh he's making the other kids cry. He's just stamped on that little girl's dvd!!!

It's a complete disaster.

(Noddy, stop eating sand now, you'll only make yourself sick.)

LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Rather than eat sand and count our royalties, shouldn't we keep someone in our thoughts?

So long from Longwood.
Don't forget to write!

"x"

I'm so bored I don't know whether to sleep, watch the Olympic games or post more nonsense.

Ah...The calm before the storm...

I was wondering ( ą la Carrie in Sex and the city), does being happy and in love mean you have to look like a cretin? Or is it because some people are cretins that they look like cretins when happy and in love?

(looks at the ceiling, puzzled, then next scene, Samantha and Absolut take it from there...)

Well I've seen some highly disturbing personal pictures recently. How they ended up on the forum pages, and why, nobody gives a f. including me...
But the fact is I've discovered the face of happiness for some people and well, it's repulsive. I am relieved there's no picture of me looking that idiotic anywhere.(No, I'm certain.) I don't know if it's because I've never been a combination of happy and in love, and gay, and never had a boyfriend that couldn't leave his camera alone in intimate moments...I just looked at those pictures and covered my eyes and went "oh dear" and sighed and then I covered my mouth with my hand in disbelief...lol. That's how bad it was...

And to think it went on for a couple of years like that...You woke up everyday looking like the village idiot...And that's love?

Excuse me for a sec-
(hides under pillow and roars with laughter)

And it still is!!!???!!!
scuse me- I (howls)

I hope we'll see the 2008 session soon Jakey! Must be super special :-D

After seeing that I'd strongly advise young gay people to stay out of love for as long as possible. Postpone looking like a retard.

It might also be valid for heterosexuals.

"Don't risk it, it's not worth it" :-D

(Aaaaaaaah, no! I meant laugh "with", not "at"...tut tut. No point.)

Also, I was going to say someone sounds manly and assertive these days and that I was vaguely troubled, but, that DVD picture with that hand came just in time...Good thing, I don't like having people laughing at me...

And yet I could have SWORN...(puzzled/ laughter in the distance)...

Oh, by the way I also accept correspondence with nice straight men. Just lemmeno.

Hell, I'd write to a chihuahua if I could find one that cares...

"-So, Paquito: how was your day? Mine was crap.
  -Yeh? Well mine too...That's all I did...And eat."

Well it's not much but it's still better than looking like THAT! (screams)

(I wanted to add the link but I was scared Christ would come and hit me on the head saying: "LOVE-hits-IS-hits-NO-hits-LAUGHING-MATTER!!! (wallop)."

Well, sorry, but one has serious doubts now. Serious doubts...

Yeh I know. I think it's the aubergines...

I had a bizarre dream in which I was trying to convince an audience that " Love don't you go through no changes on me" was NOT an ABBA song, originally. Of course, nobody paid any attention to me whatsoever...The crowd loved the song too much...
  I mean, wtf?!? lol.
  It's probably largely metaphorical but still, I think it's time to get back to work...My brain seems to have major preoccupations these days...

The good news is, after a while, in the dream, I just gave up trying to right that wrong and just sat down and let everybody enjoy the song, which is rather unusual for me. Normally not so long ago in reality and in dream I would have been CONSIDERABLY annoyed. lol.
It seems to send the message that I can relax when faced with injustice. That I should... Ha! I mean, I'm willing enough to close my eyes on that ABBA business, but...Hmmmm...I foresee other interesting dreams of the same kind before the subconscious wins the wrestling competition...I am not going down without a fight...

And I woke up feeling slightly resentful towards ABBA, as well...

He he.

Anyway, other than Swedish singers stealing songs I have other things to see to:

I have to find the right numbers to win the 54 million euros tomorrow...Well it's not as easy as it looks!

I guess if anyone wants to be on the list of things to take care of, like unanonymous said, they should email, preferably before friday night, because after that I'll have to save on the house electricity bill I'm afraid...I don't want to, but I'll have to...But I don't want to...But I'll have to...

I'd like to conclude by saying, in the general direction of journalists, that fat is NOT a problem. Nothing is as important as the ability to be honest with yourself, so if you have that, and I think you have, you shouldn't worry about anything else because you have pretty much everything.

Trust me you're better off than some people I crrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrghCrahhhAAAAAH-!!!-sorry, swallowed a wasp-

And also that I'd like to fall in love with someone who wants me to fall in love with them but that I never managed to because...Well...Abba know. THEY know.

Yet I fall in love very often with a lot of people...All kinds of people...

Life is very exciting at the moment. It's like being in a very dark corridor, waiting for a door to open. And there are hundreds of doors, but until one is open, all are closed.

Just hope Abba aren't standing behind one of them...I hate frowning. I don't want to have to frown, so don't make me...Please.

"we're children on holiday."

It leads you?
Oh yeh? Where... Ooooh I guess you weren't speaking for yourself...

Many many doors...many many many...Many ma-

(Ok. You got it. ok.)

Love to you and love to everybody (well... maybe not EVERYbody).

And, by the way, happy birthday :-) ...Calculating? Me?!? HA!!!

No but, I'm serious. (Anyway you're not getting anywhere with Lior, so.)

(see much of Jake these days?)

A long road, no turn off? Upon my word! But! Yes! It's exactly that AGAIN! Now, now, stop hyperventilating...All you have to do is stay -calm- and -composed- and it will be fine.

Look at me. AM I PANICKING?!!!???

(Oh God, don't wanna look.)(wince)(but I wanna look)(but I don't wanna)etc.

Two words: straightforwardness and BOUNCEBACKABILITY. (Technically, it's resilience, but we like pretending we're a sports coach...)

Good luck. ...Although, technically, it's not luck, but if we use complicated words people start complaining that we're a pain in the -

BOUNCEBACKABILITY.
B.O.U.N.C.E.B.A.C.K.A.B.I.L.I.T.Y.

well yes PETA, your campaign leaves a bad taste in my mouth. But that's only because you're a fucked up bunch. That's because you're sub-humans defending animals. I just think animals deserve better. Animals deserve the support of human dignity, not of human scum like you.

  Human beings don't want you as one of them, animals if they could speak would ask you to stop talking in their names. They never chose you as their representatives. They wouldn't come up with such twisted ideas as you do. Shameless exploitation of evil is evil, no matter for what cause. I'm sure even beetles know that. You don't.

You people don't belong with any species. Leave animals alone. Leave human beings alone. Spare us your farts.

-Peta supporter: guess what? You're sick!

Again, two paths.

One leads away from such people. Very very very far away from that sort of mentality, with which there's no compromise possible.
You HAVE TO choose and sever all ties with one or the other world.

Otherwise, as always, we will do it for you.

  Uranus or not, we're not staying in Sickoland. And these aren't joking times; as by now you've probably realized.

You've had both for far too long.

Think carefully, little suicidal donkey. Compare. Then choose.

Hell, make a list, if it's so fucking hard.( no, not that).

Now is a very appropriate time. Circumstances don't exactly call for half-measures. I'm just following the general mood. Life's too short.

Chop chop! As the lamb said to the pork (for, even dead, even when reduced to mere meat, animals still had the strength to run away from deranged PETA activists...)

"Little lamb...On a hill...Run fast if you can...Good Peta, they want to saaaave you, and your life has not even begun..."

The even sicker truth is, if a plane crashed, if a boat sank, Peta members would be the first among the passengers to devour... a human being.

We could bet of course, but I always win, it's not funny...

"-More meat, Julia?"
  -Yes please, Morrissey! It's delicious! What is it?
  -it's msoloist's arse. Packed with proteins."

That, or being devoured in the shower?

Ha.ha.ha. Peta campaign funny now. Ha ha ha. Have an asparagus dear. Cheer up. Ha ha. You look all decapitated, all of a sudden? Gosh, you do have a sensitive stomach...

just downloaded mdl, it's so r'n'r, it could wake the dead. What the fuck is going on? Why now?
Yeh, why so alive now? What's the point anyway? You can yell all you want, not going to change anything.
Is it genuine frustration exploding at last? Is it fake? Does it matter anymore?

You're always late. You're a swimmer from Guinea swimming against the tide of life.

"Wrong side of the pool, mate."

I won't shut up. It's not that I am going to play the blame game. No. I am just going to ask questions that will bother you for the rest of your life. Because I am sure no one is thinking of asking those. Certainly not the people who predicted you were going to have a "fantastic year".
Well, some year so far, isn't it?

If I wasn't around no one would make you think about these things. You're too much of a coward and a baby to allow yourself to have these thoughts. You need someone else to develop them so you don't have to make the effort of reflecting. But don't be mistaken once again thinking I care. I don't. I am not protecting you. You're all alone in the universe, with your conscience,and your experience, with the life that has brought you here, now, reading these lines. I am just going to tell you my point of view on all this.

Keep your cell phone near, keep your internet near, get ready to ask your driver to drive you somewhere, you might need to contact one of your superficial buddies to forget what I am about to say, what you already know, what you're already making yourself forget.

Denial. Let's see how long that wall lasts.

First of all, isn't it bizarre that so many people you work with end up dying at a relatively young age? Well even the most Cartesian amongst us could not help but notice.It doesn't seem strange to you however, does it?

It's funny but on wikipedia someone (another well informed person no doubt) says that Vauxhall and I reflects those losses. Sorry but my analysis of that album differs slightly.I didn't perceive any of that. To me this album is just the album of someone who's struggling but still hasn't got a clue what's going on. Life, death, nah, all that is is erased with a simple shrug and a hug from a favorite minion/ boyfriend. At that point in time, you still have no idea.

It doesn't improve much with Southpaw, one only had to listen to "the operation" to know with certainty you don't have the slightest clue what's going on. You're still the only person that matters, and that blinds you and deafens you to...a lot of things. Some rays of light, yes, but soon they'll disappear...

(You know, before, I really didn't believe that some people couldn't change, learn, develop.For instance I heard some old girlfriend of Mick Jagger's saying he had the Peter pan syndrome, and that made me laugh. I couldn't believe a grown man could go through life and never evolve. "He looks old, he must feel old", was all I thought. I honestly didn't know you could live your life this way, making everybody mad along the way...Now I know such people exist. You can die a little kid.)

Which brings us to YATQ. Did you for a second consider that an album at this point was not what the universe expected of you? Of course not. Did you for a second consider the other option, which was simply to contact directly the person concerned? Of course not. The thought didn't even enter your mind. Your mind is not at all like your arse, you see. No one can enter it.

I did my best to show you you were heading the wrong way again. I did my best to convince you. You knew perfectly well I would be very angry if you repeated the same old pattern. You refused to listen. You decided you had to have it your way again. Never in all of your life you let me decide. Not once.

  It's all very well to love Morrissey, but you know, most people know that love means at some point you're going to take the other person into account. You're the only person in the entire universe that doesn't need anybody to love, to love somebody. You've made a point of ignoring, hurting and working against that person while claiming you loved them, for years. And then you go and say in interviews something along the lines of "you can't control fate"? Well seems to me all your life that's what you've been trying to do.

You know what I've always thought Morrissey? I've always thought that the resentment, anger, disappointment, hurt we feel, all the negative vibes everybody feels, all of that agglomerated, it has the power to kill someone.

Now how do you see yourself? Do you see yourself as a person who shares Love? Peace? Harmony? Because I can tell you, to me, you're one of the people on earth who contributes the most to the dark side being so alive and kicking these days.

Isn't that strange?

So, you're going to tell me, well, how come I'm still alive then?

Oh, you know the answer to that as well. The reason why you're not dead yet is not that you're a lucky healthy vegetarian. The reason is that you got rid of all your poison and communicated it to everyone around you instead. Now it's circling the universe, it's joined the rest of the evil and strikes at random. Sometimes, a producer collapses. No big deal. When it runs out of producers, it will strike people closer to you. Maybe we'll see you shed a crocodile tear when someone in your family dies. But will that stop you from making an album?

The reason why you're still standing is very simple: you still haven't learnt your lesson. You still haven't done what you were supposed to do. You still haven't admitted there were things beyond your control.You still can't face the fact that for some things, you're not the boss.

So you're fighting forces bigger than you and those forces are going to strike you from time to time, and when I tell you it's the reason you won't be able to find any other explanation, because it will make horrible sense.

Now the only thing for you to decide is, once again, whether this time you've had enough, or if you're ready for the alternative.

That doesn't mean people won't die. It just means you won't feel it's because of you.

Because in case that thought hadn't entered your mind, spare a second to wonder what would have happened if you had decided somebody else was right and there was another way. Allow yourself to wonder if by following that other way you could have preserved somebody's life.

You'll never know the responsibility you had. But I sure hope this made you wonder. Because you have to look at your life sometimes. You have to look at yourself sometimes. REALLY.

Don't call Russell straight away. You need to learn to face it; otherwise you'll die a wrinkled kid. And that's a very sad thing.

I think you are old enough to let death in.

Looks like you're being punished right now. Maybe that's all you love. Punishment, not life? Are you enjoying this? Death, sorrow.

Don't anger life too much Morrissey. I think you've done enough.

Where's the joy in having people telling you "I told you so" all the time?

I don't see the joy today? Do you?

People are reading this, you know. Not your so-called friends, no. Does any of them ever talk to you like I just did?

Don't worry, I know the answer. Just like you know the way the lies land.

The only indication of what you have to do is the way you feel. If all these years you haven't felt bad enough to change your ways, well, I guess you're not going to start today.

But if you do, well. That'd probably shut me up. If you turn up before death does, I'll be in shock.

I've never seen a ghost.

PS: need I really say I haven't got the slightest hope? I bet Nancy's just around the corner...lol. (One of these days I'll have to explain why the thought of Nancy and you is so funny to me. It's just, you're such twins...Helpless twins comforting each other in a dark forest...Blind babes in the wood hugging each other...Poor little rich girl holding miserable big rich man's hand in sympathy...I find your duo so comical. And Nancy hasn't even got someone like me to turn to, I bet. She just has you! It's too funny!)(I hope I am wrong. I am not that cruel...Self-esteem issues Nancy? With clairvoyant Morrissey around? How strange! He's such help!)

Admitting I was right about the other things, I could never get through anyway. This Great Wall of denial... Can the internet really jump that high?

It's like Mr Boorer and you. I think you should get rid of the other musicians and rename your band "No no no, it's not happening, I refuse to believe it."

I know we all like the people that are like us but, really, enough is too much...No wonder you need some air...

"There's no point being incredibly enlightened and incredibly aware if nobody can actually hear you. You do have to break through."

Those old interviews I've discovered are very interesting. You were actually quite wise, do you know?

We're doing our best you know.
I asked for a megaphone, for my birthday...

"Even when it's doomed and it fails, there's always some curious perfection to it. Like in a Lionel Ritchie video..."

Hey! No need to be unpleasant.Jesus, even then, you were begging for a slap, weren't you.

"but when you're just under six foot, you decide to retreat."

A wise move.

Funnily enough, when you're A LOT under 6 foot...(Etc etc etc.)

And Antonella. You were almost begging for mercy, with Antonella! She had you cornered in no time. Jakey would of been ramping. Prob'bly would of thumped her. Shame...

Oh, and the other one, with Noddy, is even better...Were you scared, Noddy? Hilarious stuff. What would she make of 2008 codswalloping Morrissey? Mince pie?

After that, the interviews go downhill...Once you've met Antonella, they must all seem so dull. Same old story...

Anyway. That wasn't today's point, which was: death, and our purpose in the world.Which I think you got wrong.

If only this death had any point.
I am truly sorry.

And angry. Terribly angry.

I truly hope that...Oh I am feeling sick. The indecency of it all!

Can this sort of callous stupidity can really stay unpunished?!?!

What else do you people need to stop and look at yourselves? Fucking like what you see now, "m posse", bunch of greedy jerks?

As for you, well...

Do as you wish, do as you please, you're nothing but a cretin heading for a pathetically low exit anyhow. So ignore it: ignore that sign. Ignore what it might mean. It's the same sign over and over after all, just gathering momentum, and changing form, that's all.

You'll never have the strength to take heed of it.Just keep crawling until the end, like the vermin you after all are.

You're all alone with a dead album now. Dead before it was even born. Just the way you like everything.

Well then: enjoy.

You'll never feel the anger I am feeling. You'll never feel alive. You'll never feel the power of death. You'll never feel anything.

You'll never learn anything from life. Or death.

Never ever stand up. Remember: You're not a man. You're the unchangeable crawl that's been on the planet for thousands of years, and will be for thousands more, long after you're gone.

You only live for the music, not for people.

And you know you'll bury us all.

No one lives "through the music".

There are many ways to die. Many ways. Death called your name once. Next time, it won't be the same voice.

Somebody else's death has just silenced yours forever. In such a clean, definite way, no one could possibly ignore it.

It's now screaming in your ear. I wonder, Can you hear it now?

I'm sorry Jerry. I'm sure all those who knew you know you were so much more than just a producer.

Rest in peace.

Please say a prayer for the living who don't live.I am sure you knew what life is.