I thought that losing 50 pounds would have made me happier. Well, I'm not that happy I must say. Because I want to lose another stone. I'm never happy with myself. But a lot of things changed: now I am in contact with my own body. It sounds cheesy but it is actually a good achievement. Here in Italy is not enough but I can always buy UK size 10/12 skinny jeans on Ebay.

But I guess this is not that interesting.Oh well, what's interesting about me? (Gosh, so emo).
My lovely beau called it a day. Definitely. There are no excuses: it's not that he doesn't want a distance relationship, he doesn't want a distance relationship with me. I finally...recovered from that. I thought and thought and I've been honest with myself: I wasn't in love. I needed him much more than anything. I needed to have someone, to feel loved and appreciated, to think that a man can be interested. And I still needed him in my sad lonely days in Italy, when noone looked at me and I just had to cling onto something. And I realised that making out with strangers on the dark corners of a club doesn't make me any good. They are just not going to call you the day after. That's just not the beginning of something. And I don't think I'll be happy and in love in my nearest future. But I can cope with that. I've grown up without teenage flirtation.

What I am unable to cope is my lack of changes and relevant facts in my life. I graduated, and I was disappointed by my tutor. She just didn't help me at all. Now I'm still unemployed, cause it's so hard to find a job here, especially with my degree: it's called a "weak degree", you get the idea. I might do a Master but I don't know where and what. Tomorrow I'm starting teaching English for Beginners at the University for elder people. It's almost a voluntary work. My few money derives from selling on Ebay and rare English tuitions.

I feel I'm losing time. I feel I am getting old and I don't feel my age at all. I feel girls at my age have kids to take care of, houses to clean and husbands to feed, while I still live with my family (hating it), I still hate driving so I take a bus, I still don't date, I still lose friendships over silly things and I still think a song can save a life.

But at the same time I'm too scared to take that flight and going somewhere I like without certainties.