wow, lots of heavy stuff there
and i know you said your head isnt in it
and i know this may seem like the farthest thing from your mind right now
but might you not have the whole term not count?
just so you dont get bad grades
i know that may sound trivial right now
but it is something you might want to consider looking into about for your future
when my brother died very late in a term, UCLA let me drop the whole quarter
i dont know if your difficulties will allow for that
they should
as for the cops, thats messed up, however
hopefully you will stop having run ins with them
it can be done you know
its kind of sad to read you are still so messed up
of course i am one to talk

well, i have said too much already
i just get real emotional when i read stuff like you wrote
sounds like you really do not have anyone there for you
and i know how hard that can be

I hope things get better for you, angel.

Hey Angel,

Thank you for sharing with us. I'm sorry you've been in a bad place recently and I hope you will be out of it soon.

I'm really sorry you were treated so appallingly by your local police. That sucks big time. I don't know if you've ever read any of my blogs but if you have you may know that I am a Special in the Met (part time, voluntary Officer), but I also suffer from moderate manic depression, which sometimes causes me to have massive breakdowns in public. I have also been a self-harmer.

It really annoys me when the police treat people badly when they are clearly experiencing distress. That is why I signed up, because I understand what it is like. We deal with lots of people with problems all the time, but unlike some of my colleagues, instead of pretending I am not like the people I am called to deal with, I recognise that I am exactly the same as them. It is arrogant behaviour to laugh at someone when life has dragged them down. Who will they call on when life does the same to them?

For myself, I just hope that when I next have a major breakdown it will be my friends and family that get there first as I have no desire to be dealt with by some of the morons who work in the police force (even though I am one of them), or even some of the people who work in the NHS, as they aren't always that much better themselves.

John sounds like a good guy. Don't be surprised that he wants to stick around - he sees you for who you are, a great, intelligent, beautiful person. I hope you see that too when you next look in the mirror.

I hope you will learn to share more with your family and friends. I know from my own experience how hard it can be to let them share the burden, especially if you are difficult to deal with when you're in a low phase, but please try. They will experience less pain in the long term by being involved.

If I hadn't started to share with my parents after years of trying not to I can honestly say to you, I would not be alive today, let alone working in full time employment and also working for the Police. I'm not cured by any stretch of the imagination, but I am in a better, more supportive environment and thanks to that, I can do whatever I want.

Anyway, you might not care what I think, I don't know you and while my own experience has been, and still is, pretty dark at times, it is not yours. All I can say is that I do believe there is more in store for you than things being screwed up. Just hang in there - at some point the ride does get a heck of a lot better.

I hope you wont mind, but I will pray for you.