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Tuesday January 09, 07
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07:41 AM - Part 2
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We wake up in the morning and get dressed to find 2 txts on Raph's phone from Dave, both very pissed off as you can imagine. We both felt so bad and the worst thing was, now we were sober we basically went back to being just friends. He didn't try anything, i didn't try anything and we spent the rest of the day nursing our hangovers with a tom and jerry marathon.
Raph mentioned he was on facebook so i found him and through his friends part i found Dave, i wrote him a message:
"Hey
I just wanted to tell you how sorry i am for new year's eve.
I tend to feel things very intensly, especially about cheating because it's happened to me so many times so when that girl said you had a girlfriend it hurt me to even look at you because i thought i'd helped somone cheat.
I did really like you but i just couldn't shake off that feeling all night and believe me i tried.
I also didn't get with raph to upset you, i met him last summer and i did like him but if i had been sober i would of realised what it looked like.
I'm not sending this because i think you will reply forgive me or anything, i just think i owe you an explination and apology.
I am really sorry and i wish we could of seen where this went."
To my suprise i actually got a response, he thanked me for giving him my side and understood a bit better why i acted the way i did which was good. Him and Raph made their peace as only really close friends can do and it all worked out.
Then a couple of days later Raph txted me saying they were all going out again and invited me along. I was quite suprised any of them would want to see me again but they are all really great people so i went.
I met up with Raph and a few others first and me and him got to have a little talk. He said the last few months had been really hard for him because he was still in love with jo but now he wasn't anymore so we laughed about how all he neded was a night of fun with somone else to get him over her and how wierd it was we were just mates again now. I asked him if i still had a chance with Dave and he said he wasn't sure.
When dave got there i started talking to him, just random shit and he was a bit uncomfortable at first but soon settled down when he realised we actually do get on really well.
We somehow got on to talk about us, i asked if there was any chance and he said there couldn't be because of what was going on with me and Raph. I told him we'd just talked and there was nothing between us. He wasn't sure so i didn't press it but we started getting more and more cuddly on the way to this club we were going to.
jo was there and she starting saying sorry to me but i knew she didn't mean it, it was so obvious so i didn't stay around to hear it and went to look for Nat instead. Found her and we went back to the dance floor and i found Dave and Raph and we danced for a bit.
Later on me and Dave started kissing again, i could tell he was uncomfortable with it but he told me that was just because his ex-girlfriend was watching us.
I ran in to this other guy who i've never liked for some reason. There's just somthing about him that makes me edgy. Anyway he took me to one side and started talking about Raph again. I told him nothing was going on there but he was totally convinced Raph still liked me. After what happened last time though i wasn't trusting ANYONE in that group anymore.
We stopped to get food on the way home and i saw Raph and Dave talking, Raph had this look that i saw on new years as well, i didn't realise untill then what it was.
He came over to me and tried to say somthing that seemed important, it came out as "i'm an idiot i'm an idiot i'm an idiot" i told him he wasn't and he should just tell me what ever it was. He said he thought i should know that "i really, care about you" he started saying how he'd loved jo for so long but one day of sitting with me cuddling and watching cartoons was enough to get him over that. I asked him why he hadn't told me and i suddenly started to see straight through this confident, freaky front he puts on. His confidence is almost as low as mine, i really don't think he thinks he deserves to be happy.
I felt so bad. I'd been thinking alot more about him then Dave but because he didn't try anything the next day i figured he didn't want me now he was sober. And i'd been kissing Dave right infront of him all night.
Dave lives in lincoln so there was never any chance of anything more happening between us but Raph lives 40 mins away from reading, the train costs a fiver. he wants to come see me, i dunno, we're talking and everything but it's so complicated. I can't just keep swapping between these two, it's not fair and what type of person gets in the middle of 2 friends like this? I feel so shit about it.
Me and Raph are still talking, just as friends though. Dave hasn't spoken to me since i last saw him. Who saw that coming?
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