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Tuesday August 18, 09
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02:08 AM - I'm writing this to say...in a not-so-gentle way
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Have you ever, spurred on by white-hot fury and pain, sent a ranting defensive email to someone that you had an argument with?
In your head as you try to sleep the night before doing so, you set the scene- the imaginary scene- where you manage to say everything that you wished you had said, in an eloquent and well-formed fashion. And they understand what you are saying, they apologise, they beg for forgiveness. But you know that you couldn't get those words out face-to-face, you would misrepresent yourself, and forget those pithy phrases in a moment of grief and anger.
You are determined for them to hear what you have to say, though. You spent so long fretting, categorising your feelings and explaining them to yourself. Justifying. So you resolve that if it can't be said to their face, you will send an email. Yes. What a clever thought.
And so it is that you compose said email in your mind; an email that exudes hurt and rage.
And in the morning you sit at your keyboard and the words fly from your fingertips with ease and grace, and it feels so good to absolve yourself of those horrid feelings.
Yet you don't realise that you have built your fury up to a peak, and you might have gone a little- just a little- too far.
And you forget that receiving an email is not like having a conversation in person not simply because it allows one to capture the accuracy and precision you so desire, but also because it lacks humanity, it lacks the relationship-healing art of seeing one another's faces, of seeing that pain, of giving them the chance to interject.
And so what you have to say will be read as cold, calculated and heartless. Hurtful, even. And so you have reduced yourself to their level, by lashing out in misjudged retaliation.
You don't realise this. Until you hit 'Send'.
And the moment you hit that button, you think: Oops.
Yeah, I just did that. Oops.
*Edit: Oh my, I just re-read the email I sent. It was a tincy bit...mental.
And I've had no reply. Oh my. The shoe is on the other foot now. I may have to grovel.
No. Not yet.
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I hope you hear back from this person soon, but in the meantime have no regrets for speaking your mind and heart, being open and honest isn't always easy, but in the long run it's worth it if only because you know you were true to yourself.
* In case our friend *Betty* is reading: An email is on its way soon! My cat's not been well, so I've had my hands full with taking care of her at the same time working on a few other time-consuming projects.