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Saturday August 26, 06
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12:53 PM - All might just be well...in the future.
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So yeah, the interview. People say never to wear black because it makes you seem ‘closed’. Bugger that. I wore black…classy, chic, smart, and businesslike. That’s what black says to me. And I wore the pointy-toed heels. Because they mean business too.
I dealt with my nerves the usual way: denial. I would say that that is my number one defence mechanism. Pretend it’s never going to happen, honey. (But as a result it did leave me unprepared and I almost ended up being late.)
The guys interviewing me were incredibly nice, but I found myself actually daydreaming while they were talking to me. Oops. And when I was answering their questions my mouth was going ‘blah blah blah’, and my brain was going ‘what the fuck?!’. One of those moments where you want to tell them that you know you’re talking crap- you just can’t help yourself. As I was saying all this stuff I realised that I don’t want a job. I almost stood up and walked out.
I got a call a few hours later. I could tell from his tone of voice that he was preparing me for a rejection. Then he told me that they were offering me the job. As I was not ready for this I simply said ‘What? Oh…right. Oh. Thanks’. (Yeah, nice one Wildey.) When he rang, my phone played ‘Heaven knows…’, with the line ‘I was looking for a job and then I found a job…’ How fitting.
They asked me to go out for a meal with them before I started. It was ok. They are nice people, but they’re…vibrant. I am not vibrant. And I truly am A Complete Tit. Do you know what I did? I did one of those things that normally happen on a bad comedy film. I was washing my hands in the restaurant loos, and I turned the tap on full blast. It sprayed all over the crotch of my jeans…
Holy fuck…it looked like I had wet myself.
Strangely enough, I did not panic…I have found that in moments of acute embarrassment or fear I go into a sort of detached mode, where I don’t realise that this is actually happening. To me. So there I was, standing in my toilet cubicle, looking in the mirror and laughing at the idiot facing me. Then it struck me that this was actually happening, and I had better do something about it. I presented myself in this ridiculous state to two of the girls I went in with…it broke the ice, anyway. I only hope that they were laughing with me and not at me.
Still, it could be worse- my mum was speaking to a woman at work who said that on her first day she always does something hugely embarrassing. She reversed into the wall in front of a company director one time. And at another job she fell up the stairs and broke her ankle. So, comparatively, looking like I had wet myself was really rather trivial for a first impression.
I started work this week. As I am incapable of dealing with new situations, at times I have felt so incredibly miserable that it is almost unreal. And I hate to think of all those mistakes I made. But…aside from that, it has been ok. The amazing thing is: I work with a huge Morrissey fan! I have never really met a real live one in the flesh, and so this is just wonderful! She leant me ‘Peepholism’ and ‘Introducing Morrissey’, I leant her that new DVD documentary and ‘The Severed Alliance’. And the other people that I work with have been so nice that I feel affection towards them even after a week. I hope it will turn out ok.
I got my final A level results. AAB. Which means that I can get out of the world of work in a year’s time and enjoy life at university. There is hope!
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PS - I added you to my MSN a while back, hope you didn't mind...