So yeah, the interview. People say never to wear black because it makes you seem ‘closed’. Bugger that. I wore black…classy, chic, smart, and businesslike. That’s what black says to me. And I wore the pointy-toed heels. Because they mean business too.

I dealt with my nerves the usual way: denial. I would say that that is my number one defence mechanism. Pretend it’s never going to happen, honey. (But as a result it did leave me unprepared and I almost ended up being late.)

When I was answering the questions I was tempted to tell them that I knew I was talking crap. As I was saying all this stuff I realised that I don’t want a job. I almost stood up and walked out.

I got a call a few hours later. I could tell from his tone of voice that he was preparing me for rejection. Then he told me that they were offering me the job. As I was not ready for this I simply said ‘What? Oh…right. Oh. Thanks’. (Yeah, nice one Wildey.)

They asked me to go out for a meal with them before I started. It was ok. They are nice people. But I truly am A Complete Tit. Do you know what I did? I did one of those things that normally happen on a bad comedy film. I was washing my hands in the restaurant loos, and I turned the tap on full blast. It sprayed all over the crotch of my jeans…

Holy fuck…it looked like I had wet myself.

Strangely enough, I did not panic…I have found that in moments of acute embarrassment or fear I go into a sort of detached mode, where I don’t realise that this is actually happening. To me. So there I was, standing in my toilet cubicle, looking in the mirror and laughing at the idiot facing me. Then it struck me that this was actually happening, and I had better do something about it. I presented myself in this ridiculous state to two of the girls I went in with…it broke the ice, anyway. I only hope that they were laughing with me and not at me.

Still, it could be worse- I have heard tell of a woman that reversed into the wall in front of a manager one time. And at another job she fell up the stairs and broke her ankle. So, comparatively, looking like I had wet myself was really rather trivial for a first impression.

I started work this week. As I am incapable of dealing with new situations, at times I have felt so incredibly miserable that it is almost unreal. And I hate to think of all those mistakes I made. But…aside from that, it has been ok. The amazing thing is: I work with a huge Morrissey fan! I have never really met a real live one in the flesh, and so this is just wonderful! She leant me ‘Peepholism’ and ‘Introducing Morrissey’, I leant her that new DVD documentary and ‘The Severed Alliance’.

I got my final A level results. AAB. Which means that I can get to university at some next year.