Your words are mine. I too suffer from depression. I am sure you know this. I have been having a great day. But who knows what tomorrow will be like. Until I met Alan, I felt very alone--suffering in silence.

I feel very fortunate to have met someone who does not suffer from depression himself, yet is as empathetic about my dark moods as one could ever hope someone to be.

You are a wonderful person--yes, I know this. You will find someone to nurture your spirit one day because you have so many things to offer; s/he will have no choice but to love and embrace your sadness.

Have you started your book yet, Sullen? I imagine it will be something like Marcel Proust meets James Joyce, but since I actually have never even read one word by either of them, I really don't know. I, on the other hand, have begun my own work. I think it will be something along the lines of John Kennedy Toole meets a vagrant in an alleyway and offers his $10 to sodomise him. In the past 6 months I have written 2 paragraphs, however, I do think they are rather fine, and Rome wasn't built in a day.

I am rather sorry to hear of your current unhappiness, and I do rather hope it passes soon. I am sure that if the contents of my hotel room minibar were not lay before me, I would have something more worthwhile to say. If it is worth anything much, whenever I see your screen name in the latest entries, I always catch up with you - even though laziness and general malaise often stop me from posting.

From München with Love

Fraulein Biffo

Sometimes I feel very lonely. Often I think that I'm putting myself in an isolated situation intentionally, I can't work out why. Comfort with myself? Discomfort with others? I don't know.

It was sad to read of your depression. I feel that depressed people can be grossly mistreated...too many people seem to misunderstand it (indeed, even I did at one point), treat them as if they're WRONG. The same goes for suicide. People are too quick to judge on that matter. Obviously it's not a great thing to do, but...I don't know. Anyway, to make matters worse, my country has cut the budget on mental health treatment. It's almost as if they're saying these people are not worth it.

I once heard someone say 'Find what makes you happy, and pursue it.' I like that. It's like it's saying that you can be selfish, almost, and that's ok. Does anything make you happy?

Simple things make me- not necessarily happy, but can give me a sense of awe, or comfort.

I like walking around the house topless when no-one's home! :)

And I like miming phrases when I'm walking down the street, and wondering if anyone caught it. Often I like to mime rude things. Sometimes at people. But that's not very kind, is it?

Eating raw food whilst I'm cooking. And I like the naughty feeling of licking the bowl clean.

I like to wonder what Morrissey's doing at a certain point in time.

Also, I find it funny to fit as many Smiths/Morrissey lyrics into conversations as I can without the other person realising I'm quoting. My most common ones are 'What difference does it make?', 'Everyday is silent and grey', 'I don't owe you anything'. And 'that joke isn't funny anymore.' 'How soon is now?'. But normally when I say them, I giggle, and I have to tell the person what I'm laughing at.

Anyway, I hope I didn't sound patronising or anything, your journal just made me reflect. If you ever want someone to talk to one day if you're bored, by all means call me...etc. Seriously, even if you want to just express your woe, I'm willing to read about it. Keep the journal up!