THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. I won’t say no – how could I?
2. Tired again, tried again
3. Would you risk it for a biscuit?

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Sometimes I’m elsewhere.
2. Sometimes I’m not there at all.
3. I’m only human.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. I exist (so I’m told).
2. Mirror image.
3. I’m only human.

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. The monarchy.
2. Massive, massive oil slick.
3. The NHS.

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. For other people, death.
2. For other people, illness.
3. For other people, unhappiness.

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Music.
2. Sleep.
3. Faintly pleasant surroundings.

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. A really well-made buttonhole.
2. A silk top hat.
3. A velvet jacket of the most gut-wrenching vermillion.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:
1. Morrissey.
2. The Smiths.
3. R.E.M. remain quite important to me.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS:
1. There Is a Light That Never Goes Out
2. Now My Heart Is Full
3. All I Want For Christmas Is A Dukla Prague Away Kit

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:

I’d love to be able to answer that. I really would.

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:
1. ENGLAND IS MINE . . . and it owes me a living.
2. I’m not sure what happiness means.
3. I lost my wig in Newport Pagnell.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:

If only.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Listening to Morrissey.
2. Running away. Literally. (preferably at same time as above).
3. Thinking too deeply, too bleakly all the time – about everything. O somebody . . .

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Go to sleep.
2. Stroke a cat.
3. Go back home again.

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
1. Lodger.
2. Undertaker.
3. Stand-up comedian.

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Bognor Regis.
2. Grogport.
3. Pitherington-On-Sea.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. See those I love happy (or as close as is allowed).
2. Meet Morrissey.
3. There is nothing else. There’s nothing I want – not even an i-pod.

THREE CELEB CRUSHES:

My vocabulary does not accommodate the word ‘celeb’. Or ‘crush’, for that matter.