I was thinking about my life as I was jogging today. I have really made some stupid financial decisions. I could be sitting inside my own house right now if I didn't mess up my credit rating. A few years ago, lenders didn't care if you had a job or not. They wanted to know if you had a good credit score. Now credit is tight. I checked my credit rating online today and found out that I'm "moderately risky." I suppose that's better than being "too risky." So I don't deserve a loan. What else is new? It's my fault, I know. I maxed out my credit cards. I'm sorry about that. Please forgive me, Lord.

There's a lesson to learn here: cause & effect. Cause: I didn't pay my bills & debts in a timely manner. Effect: banks won't give me a loan. And I've spent years wasting time and money. The result is where I am today. I am miserable. I should be miserable. Now is the time to make smart decisions. It will take years for me to see the results, but the results will be good. I just need to be patient and I need to stop doing stupid things.

Ten years ago I wanted to have STUFF. When I was eligible for credit cards, I went crazy! I was under the impression that I could buy whatever I wanted. I had 2 credit cards and I maxed them out within a few months. Then I started paying fees: late fees & over-the-limit fees besides paying interest on the debt. So, instead of being smart and saving up to buy something, I made payments on it...with interest. Why? Because I have to have everything right now! I would spend about 20% more than the sales price of an item. I was losing money real fast. I didn't care at the time. I didn't realize I had to pay back what I borrowed until the bill came in the mail. It's hard to believe when I think about it now. I was out of control. I spent money the same way my government does---irresponsibly. And then I had to have a car. So I financed a car. Then I had a bunch of late payments on that loan. Then my credit card debt went to collection agencies. And they kept calling & calling & calling. And I kept making up lame excuses for not paying my debts. So after a couple of years, I managed to pay off my debts. I was so happy to be debt free! And guess what I did? I celebrated my debt free status by...FINANCING ANOTHER CAR!!! Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time. I saved up for a down payment, and I made my payments on time for one year. Then I moved to Los Angeles and looked for a job. I couldn't get a decent job. Nobody wanted to hire me. My bills weren't getting paid on time. I did all sorts of temporary jobs just to pay the bills. The bills got out of control. Late payments. Bad credit. Oh no, here we go again.

Things are a little better now. I have a job. I paid off my car loan. I make sure I pay my bills on time. I think I've learned my lesson this time. I hope I've learned my lesson this time.