I've been alive for 40 years. I feel embarrassed to say my age out loud. "How old are you?" I am 40 years old. Soon I'll be 50. I've never celebrated my birthday as an adult because I feel depressed about being born. My family irritates me---the way they remind me about being born. They just don't get it: I can't be happy unless I have something good to look forward to. Don't say, "Happy Birthday." Tell me I've won the lottery or something. Then I'll be happy for you.