I've been working every weekend for 2 years. I miss having a Saturday and a Sunday off and hanging out with my friends. I feel like I don't have any friends because I don't see them anymore. I just drive to work and work and go home and pump expensive gasoline into my car. I'm going in circles, chasing my ass. I work to survive but I would like to buy luxuries once in a while---to enjoy the fruits of my labor. But I have committed several financial sins so I must suffer in hell. The first sin I ever committed was applying for a credit card. I signed my soul over to the devil on the day I filled out an application for my very first VISA card. I couldn't resist the temptation to buy stuff---STUFF! STUFF!---And I don't even remember what I bought! But I kept paying for this stuff over and over again with the interest that added up. And then I decided to finance a car. Now, if I was intelligent, I'd have made my car payments on time and get the damn loan paid off in 2 years instead of 3 years. That way I'd spend LESS MONEY. But, alas, I needed to buy my STUFF! My stupid stuff! Stuff I can't find among the junk I've collected over the years. And I needed to buy my STUFF with my credit card. I'd see something pretty, something sparkling & shiny, and I bought it without considering that I needed money to pay for it. Having a credit card, to me, was like a friggin' free meal ticket. Everything I wanted was free...for that particular moment. SHEESH! I'm old enough to know better. I am supposed to get wiser as the years go by.

Well, after I paid off my first car loan---which made me angry because my car "died" before my last loan payment---I paid off all my debts. Every credit card was paid off. I had a clean slate. THEN I decided to finance another car. And this car was only worth $15,000 at the time but I'm still paying for it!!! The interest rate is very high on this loan so I was pretty much paying off the interest rate during the first two years of monthly payments. Well, I feel like jumping off a cliff because this is the last year of my loan and I can't keep up with the payments and all the other bills I have even though I work 50 hours a week. I still have credit card debt and a huge car loan. I wanted to drive a car but I couldn't afford it. I wanted to go to a trade school but I couldn't afford it. So I took out a student loan. Oh God, please deliver me from my own foolishness! I want forgiveness and salvation. And that only comes from back-breaking work. I'll keep working during the weekends while everyone else goes to the clubs, the movie theatres, the beaches, the lakes, or the mountains, or whatever folks do during the weekends. I will work until I faint from exhaustion just to please the bill collectors.

I hate going from one job to the next. When I get finished with an 8 hour work shift, I shower and get dressed for my second job. I hate it. I spend all these hours working and I have no money in my wallet. That money went to the bill collectors: they are like demons that torment me day and night and I can't rest until they are exorcised.