Northern Bird (4363)

Northern Bird
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I left the North, I travelled South.... Hello! lou, 30, living in North London with the luscious Rallen, but originally from the North West. A girl with a thorn in my side, my main loves are good food, fine wine, BDSM and cats. Semi-retired from Moz-solo, I check in occasionally to check the journals of good friends. Not drowning anymore...
Saturday March 01, 03

I don't know what to put!

05:20 AM

So it's Saturday, yay! My desperately lonely depression last night is now partially explained by the pain in my stomach this morning, and you know the rest. At least it's there anyway. I did a pregnancy test yesterday. No I haven't had unprotected sex again, I've learned that lesson. I was just paranoid as I had a migraine which for me is usually brought on my lots of hormones, plus I had a dream I was pregnant. My auntie had periods through her pregnancies and the thought of having kids, esp by the VILE MLW was too grim. So of course it was negative and my mind is finally at rest.

I SO don't want kids it hurts. Could you imagine? Christ, poor bastards would be fucked with me as a mother. Not that I'd be a bad mother, I think I'd be extremely loving and encouraging, but during depression and the times I need my space then of course it wouldn't do. I'm just not that type of person. However it melted my heart last night and this morning to see how much Pinnie misses her kids when they're away for the weekend. She loves them so much and they obviously adore her, and they're such great kids. Ah well. I'll get a cat when I can, that'll do. Lol.

'Work to live, don't live to work'.
This has always been something I hugely believe in. God I don't know what I'm trying to say anymore. I think you know. I just want some happiness dammit! What am I looking forward to at the moment? The Worthington Cup Final tomorrow when we're gonna get thrashed by ManUre. After that? The Star and Garter trip on 11th April. Surely there's more to life, lol.

I'm not getting my hopes up too much about the S&G, I'm used to people letting me down and the Moz community is very shy and I expect lots of people to chicken out. That means you Kes! I really want to meet Kes, he's such a lovely guy and I know we'd just talk a lot. However, it doesn't even matter if everyone lets me down again because at least Phill is going and I'll be staying at his. He's a very good friend and I know I'll have fun with him anyway, and the S&G will be ace. Saturday I'll get Phill to take me on the Moz tour around Manchester - who better to have as a tour guide LOL!

Still got a headache which is a bit of a nightmare. I think I must be packed full of hormones at the moment. Really pisses me off as it's all in aid of a function I'll never require. Grrrrr!

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  • thanks for your kind comments..but I feel a lovely glow of "peace" when the kids aren't around..should I say that or not??

    Re: dreams.
    I had a very realistic dream that I bagged off with Robert Smith. The funny thing is, I was feeling his hair, and it's just like mine was as a teenager and I hurt my hands on his spiky bits.
    I wouldn't read too much into dreams is the point I am trying to make, I think. Wouldn't it be weird if I did see him today though??

    Have a good weekend!! I shall no doubt bump into you in the chat :-) Sorry for being a party-pooper last night..the drink went straight to my head and I ended up crashing into bed and waking up with heartburn due to the nuts I was gorging myself on whilst drinking bacardi breezer thinggies.

    TTFN
    Pins xx
    Girl_Unafraid -- Saturday March 01 2003, @05:27AM (#55139)
    (User #7534 Info)
  • You can have it all
    my empire of dirt
    I will let you down
    I will make you hurt

    p.s hope them losey fuckers beat Manc. United tomorrow, if not your in for a grilling

    T.H
    Anonymous -- Saturday March 01 2003, @09:39AM (#55141)
  • I so understand the no kids thing. I am so pregnancy phobic, i'd rather avoid the whole thing. I think the physical aspects of it are just repulsive- i don't want some weird alien parasite connected to my body and getting bigger in there! nasty. It is a little sad because i would be a good mother, i think. but i am very selfish and wouldn't want it after a certain point, and unfortunately you can't usually just cast them off when you get bored with them.
    Have a blast in Manchester, I wish i could be there too...
    i miss you...
    Love
    Melissa
    goblinmoz -- Sunday March 02 2003, @09:52AM (#55166)
    (User #1580 Info)
    "now my heart is full..."


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