I feel like you are the only thing i can turn to right now. Which is stupid as all you are is a record of my stream of thought. So i guess what i'm saying is that i can only rely on myself. Well no i can't even do that. My life is messed up. My friends are transient, men use me to mess me up and play with my mind, and i'm probably gonna get sacked. Joy. Why do i bother trying to be a nice person? It causes me nothing but pain. And don't ANYONE quote that 'it takes strength to be gentle and kind' line at me. It's bollocks. You have to be hard and ruthless. It's the only way. Use or be used.

To add to it all, right on cue, i got a text from HIM on saturday, just saying 'happy new year'. Just to fuck me up again. Just to remind me he's still there. I'm even tempted to reply. I have no one so what's there to lose? He needs me, I need him. Two sad fuck-ups together. So much for my new life. I am as unhappy as ever.