So the news you've all been waiting for: me and rallen are now officially a couple.

Yes it's true! I'm quite shocked about it really, but very very happy. There are huge complications on both sides and it's probably doomed to failure but we deeply love each other and enjoy almost every second together (which is all the time we're not at work). In fact we've been together all day every day and night since 19th December without any rows, boredom or anything. I'm not making any plans, dreaming any dreams and harvesting hopes, I'm just really enjoying being able to be as open and affectionate as I want.

In other news, you know in 1984 there's that guy who the main character works with and he thinks he's in the Brotherhood, then he tells him he is but he's actually a member of the Party and eventually tortures him and makes him insane and breaks him? That's my big boss that is. For ages he pretended he realised the company are bastards and we just have to play the game, and I actually trusted him. Now he's torturing me. I don't care, he won't make me love Big Brother. Ever. I'm just going to keep my head down and do my job every day. I won't stand up against them with the couple of others in my office - there's no point. He told me himself earlier in the year that they've got me down as a troublemaker. Well fine. I'll never roll over, but if I refuse to participate in the games and politics I can just do my job well, take their money and enjoy my life. I can't battle capitalism all my life. And he's got more bad karma to deal with than anyone should, so he'll get his. I just wonder what happened to him to turn him into such a mean cruel person. It's made me so angry and sad.

He basically sent me a snotty email bollocking my for using the company computer for private stuff. I mean christ, I looked at a couple of sites for like 5 minutes twice in my lunch break. He implied I spent all day every day on it or something. And he said it 'had been noted' that I had used company stuff previously. Like when? I even put my own stamps on my letters that I put in the office post. Not only that, but I had to use my own laptop for work stuff because the company wouldn't give me my own pc to work on, AND I have to use my own mobile and claim back the calls. Not only does this shorten my battery life, but I get my bill before the expenses are paid back. So it's even more insulting and unfair to me. I went so far as to dial his mobile to tell him it was on my break and only twice, but there's no point. I'll just take the bollocking and never do it again. But I tell you this, I will NEVER use my mobile for work again. And I'll never trust a single person in that company again. I'm not even going to discuss my personal or social life with them, I'll be the preverbial robot. It's so sad because I had decided to start the new year well and forget how shoddily the company had treated me at times. It's all ruined now.

So the new plan for 2004. Do my job as efficiently as possible so I can earn loads and live a good life. Endeavour to make my boyfriend as happy as he deserves to be. Become more healthy physically. Explore my spirituality. Don't let other people make me miserable.

Surely that's enough? And surely working hard and being a good person counts for something in this world?

Oh and finally - tube mice are fucking cute! We saw three at Leicester Square today and one was a baby and was about an inch big! BLESS!

Love to all, and apologies for my shocking lack of ability to keep in touch with people.

Lou xx