Northern Bird (4363)

Northern Bird
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I left the North, I travelled South.... Hello! lou, 30, living in North London with the luscious Rallen, but originally from the North West. A girl with a thorn in my side, my main loves are good food, fine wine, BDSM and cats. Semi-retired from Moz-solo, I check in occasionally to check the journals of good friends. Not drowning anymore...
Monday December 15, 03

Denbigh here we come....

03:49 PM

Don't know WHAT is going on. All is surreal, and I'm existing in a state of constant anger and turmoil, teetering on the brink of a Ren-like outburst. I feel hunted. Every time someone calls my name or my phone rings I feel like screaming 'LEAVE ME ALONE'. When people ask me what's wrong I almost cry, I get a knot in my throat and have to blink back the tears. I just want all communication to cease: I just want to be left alone.

It's the niggling things. Even though I feel desperate - regret my career choice, am scared of my inevitable life of loneliness and misery - it's the small things that I allow to gnaw at my mind. Fucking xmas presents and arrangements, the flat, the washing. And bigger things - my total inability to get a grip on my life, my increasing fear of crowds, my growing hatred of strangers.

Is this it? Am I taking the final steps towards being sectioned?

In all this mist, my friends are my crutches. Me and Rallen are closer than we've ever been, he loves and cares for me so much. He doesn't really understand what's going on but still he loves me, preventing my self-destruction. Also warmest thanks to the concern of Natalie, Wardie, Pins and all the others. It really does mean so much.

*big sigh* (I sigh SO MUCH recently :o()

L

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  • But here, this might cheer you up a bit!

    http://www.badgerbadgerbadger.com/

    Lot's of love,

    Your secret admirer!
    Anonymous -- Monday December 15 2003, @08:19PM (#82121)
  • This period seems full of turmoil and negativity- maybe not the best time to make a major body modification. A good time to change hair dye, maybe, but not to make a permanent mark. Do you really want a permanent reminder of the doubts swirling at the moment? I feel certain you'll pull out of this soon, and with blazing colors. You're a clever sweet woman and better times are surely just around the corner.
    Anonymous -- Monday December 15 2003, @10:31PM (#82124)
    • Re:Wait by Northern Bird (Score:1) Tuesday December 16 2003, @03:27PM
  • i will stick by you hun, through thick and thin. we are a team, i love you. we havent even got on the ride yet!

    the boy xx
    rallen <[email protected]> -- Tuesday December 16 2003, @06:45AM (#82144)
    (User #4753 Info)
    the best form of revenge is to live well.
  • (Curt enters room in clown costume, proceeds to stand on his head, tries to pull a flower out of his back pocket to wave at Northern Bird, forgets his poor grasp of equilibrium and crashes with a thud on the floor. The flower swirls down and comes to a rest on the heap of rubble in clown costume.)

    This isn't really helping, is it? I'm always at a loss for comforting words, so all I can really say is, please take care… I hate it when people I like are feeling down.

    Curt Woyte -- Tuesday December 16 2003, @06:47AM (#82145)
    (User #8765 Info)
  • *Hugs*

    I'll keep you in my thoughts and send some love your way. Everyone's experiences are different but some of the emotions are the same and I recognize them a lot in your journal entries. Let me know if I can do anything.
    K
    VWchc -- Tuesday December 16 2003, @07:17AM (#82147)
    (User #3195 Info)
  • I think Rallen is both really great and really bad thing for your crippling mind. In no way am I slighting the lad as it is nothing he is doing wrong as he seems to be very kind and loving toward you but I feel he makes you crave a relationship more and more as you are givin a sneak pre - view into the life of a perfect relationship and then moments later you stop and think "this is'nt real though" and the self doubt creeps in and then your life (which like most folk is bar serious illness all about finding a life partner) falls into this big gloomy mire.

    Tony H
    Anonymous -- Tuesday December 16 2003, @12:14PM (#82170)
  • Ooo that was really iffy English above.

    But anyway Lou look on the brightside,
    Liverpool are having a stunning season and look odds on to win the Prem.
    Tee Hee

    Hope you and rallen have a beautiful christmas

    Tony H
    Anonymous -- Tuesday December 16 2003, @12:23PM (#82173)


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