Are you a pikey?
(sorry only southern English will get this - for other Brits, it kinda means gypo/scouser etc, you'll get the picture. For the americans, think trailer park trash).

Have you ever purchased something from Bejam or Iceland?
Have you ever owned an electrical appliance made by Hinari?
Have you ever purchased a KFC family bucket?
Have you ever hung a pine fresh tree shaped air freshener on your rear view mirror?
Have you ever bought or worn shoes from Barratts?
Have you ever considered Pizza Hut an Italian Restaurant?
Have you ever bought Woolworths Ladybird clothes for kids?
Have you ever eaten a Findus Lasagne?
Have you ever worn jewellery from “Elizabeth Duke” at Argos?
Have you ever eaten a pot noodle?
Have you ever bought fresh cut flowers from a petrol station as a present?
Have you ever bought second class stamps?
Have you ever knowingly bought own brand cola?
Do you think Marks & Spencer’s food hall is too expensive?
Have you ever taken a Stenaline Ferry anywhere?
Have you anything in your wardrobe which is at least 50% polyester?
Have you ever fantasised about owning a Ford Cosworth?
Are you on first name terms with any bus drivers?
Have you ever recommended a Berni Inn as a decent steak restaurant?
Have you ever relieved a hotel room of its freebie shower gel or shampoo?
Have you ever drunk a can of lager you found on a train?
Have you ever offered to buy a cigarette from someone?
Have you ever brought a screw top bottle of wine to a dinner party?
Have you ever referred to dessert as “afters”?
Have you ever worn the same pair of socks 2 days running?
Have you ever removed a boiled sweet or gum and saved it for later?
Have you ever left washing out on the line for more than 24 hours?
Have you ever dreamed of owning a Winnebago?
Have you ever christened your home with a name and then included it on your postal address ie “Dunroamin”
Have you ever bought a garden ornament from B&Q, ie stone squirrel, ornamental wheelbarrow etc
Have you ever owned an “eternal beau” dinner or tea service?
Have you ever owned or used a sausage dog draught excluder?
Have you ever erected a flashing snowman or fairy lights outside your house at Christmas?
Have you ever placed a jewel encrusted tissue box on your rear parcel shelf?
Have you ever visited a Little Chef or Happy Eater apart from to use the loos in desperation?
Have you ever cut out and used money off coupons from magazines?
Have you ever received a Christmas Card from your local Kebab house?
Do you know anyone from Penge?
Have you ever bought and used “Shake n’Vac”?
Are any of your parents or family well known “down the precinct”?

I got 43% pikey!!!

There is no hope for you - you are well and truly an escapee from Pikey Island. You will now forever be known as first name “pikey pikey do as ya likey” surname. You think that Blue Nun is a choice wine and always cook Spag Bol at dinner parties. None of your home cutlery matches and a few of your mugs have established chipping to the handles. Every room in your house is painted Magnolia and you have a dado rail in your living room. You name your children after pop or filmstars and buy the Sunday Sport as an informative newspaper. Your car is made by Ford and has fag burns on the driver seat. You’ve only been to Spain on holiday.

Dammit.