Northern Bird (4363)

Northern Bird
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I left the North, I travelled South.... Hello! lou, 30, living in North London with the luscious Rallen, but originally from the North West. A girl with a thorn in my side, my main loves are good food, fine wine, BDSM and cats. Semi-retired from Moz-solo, I check in occasionally to check the journals of good friends. Not drowning anymore...
Thursday November 13, 03

Rambling.......

01:16 PM

I seem to have NO time these days. I don't know what I actually DO!!! I don't go shopping enough, or tidy, or iron or have girl friends! I just seem to shag and watch tv and...... talk to rallen! I'm so lazy, all I want to do is sit and be left alone. Here is a fundamental difference between me and my flatmate. He loves to socialise, go drinking, walk round shops, go to galleries. Often I find these things a trial. I just can't seem to find pleasure in things that other people do. I usually want to be at home. At home I can be comfortable and control my surroundings - what I feel, hear, see. I have no idea what my point is here....

I'm home alone tonight. It's great. As much as I love and adore rallen, I just need some quiet. I want to be silent. I want to be still. Tonight I don't want to talk and hug and hear how great I am and fight over the tv! It's nice. Catching up on my journal and watching Eastenders.

I've come to realise that I've fundamentally changed over the last year. For one, I'm much more confident. MUCH more. In lots of ways - my abilities, my looks, my ability to attract lovers. I'm aware that in 4 weeks time I'll have been single for 3 years, but I don't care. I feel no stigma. I'm not putting it down to my lack of attractiveness. I actually feel strong, strong that I've got through it and I'm not needy and desperate. I think this is a combination of maturing, having a tough (but successful) year, and the deep pure love of my best friend. Plus of course the more shallow reason that I've had lots of offers, and a few partners. I smashed my record this year and slept with 4 people. And they were all people I really liked, and wanted to sleep with.

So anyway, I'm optimistic. I can't say I'm happy - it's much too early for that. But things are the best they've been for..... well probably ever. Maybe things will work out after all. I just feel weird, as you can probably tell from this journal entry. I'm scared about getting my promotion and doing my job properly from January. I don't want to work 10-12 hour days, I only just feel like I'm beginning to live. I hope I can do my job really well and keep it to 9-10 hours. It still sucks though.

God I am SO rambling now. I just needed to do a stream of conciousness. Is that even right? Oh who cares.

Latest purchases I can't afford: Hello Kitty shorts/knickers, Hello Kitty slippers, Hello Kitty 'Whatever' t-shirt, black velvet cape, black flower hair thing, black lace-up strapless bra, another black bra, badge saying 'i kiss girls'.

God I love Torrid!

Hope I do get my qualification so I can get my bonus and payrise and pay these debts off!! Eeeeek!

Lou xx

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  • It's OK to have those lazy days and lagging feelings. But you might want to hitch a ride on Rallen's tailcoats sometime and get back out in the night life.

    By the way- tell that kid hello :)

    And thanks for the nice comments in my journal. I love you a lot little bird!

    Hugs-
    MozGirl18 -- Thursday November 13 2003, @02:31PM (#79513)
    (User #2483 Info)
    "It is absurd to divide people into good or bad. People are either charming or tedious."-Oscar Wilde


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