Bobmozza honey you are in SO much trouble. I've got your 'cold' and I feel like I'm dying. It's HIDEOUS! I have a sore scratchy throat, am EXTREMELY tired, am hot and have a headache. Git. I demand grovelling apologies forthwith.

After writing the above I read Smiths' journal. God I wish there was anything I could do to rewind the clock, or at least comfort him. It's so terribly awfully sad. And I agree hugely with his last paragraph - do anything for love. As a soppy romantic Libran I totally agree with this, and many times have made myself vulnerable or gone against my head to have a chance of love - to try and make something work. Even right now, I suspect I may be falling in love for the second time in my life. The guy involved told me he's not ready in his life, he's not completely sure of his feelings for me, etc. Still rather than playing it strategically and biding my time, playing hard to get and all that other stuff, I've been going along as normal - playing couples, giving him everything he desires - in the hope he'll wake up and realise we're meant to be together.

Well we talked last night and nothing has changed. I'm not upset like I thought I'd be. I think in my heart of hearts I realise I'm not ready for a big relationship either, and that's what this would be. We're both such intense people. I'm 28 in 4 weeks time and I've had one proper boyfriend (ie over the age of 15). I'm still just in single figures with my sexual partners. I know I need to see more people, to get out there. A couple of really lovely gorgeous guys have contacted me through Yahoo and I know I should reply. It's just hard, some people I just don't feel comfortable with and I find it such hard work. With this guy it's like we're soulmates, we're totally tuned in.

Anyway so now I'm going to think about this situation until my head and heart are clear on a few things. I want things to continue, but I also find it hard sometimes. Libra is the sign of partnership, we're meant to have a partner. I feel most happy when I connect with people, and having one special person is the best feeling in the world. I just have to adjust my instinct so I can just be happy in his company, without having to have the labels. I hate it when I know I'm being irrational. Don't get me wrong, he is at fault in this too, but I just have to deal with my own emotions now.

Right, now I'm going to have a Lemsip then I'm going to email the last 2 guys from Yahoo who were really lovely. I need to get out there, if only to meet new people.