Northern Bird (4363)

Northern Bird
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I left the North, I travelled South.... Hello! lou, 30, living in North London with the luscious Rallen, but originally from the North West. A girl with a thorn in my side, my main loves are good food, fine wine, BDSM and cats. Semi-retired from Moz-solo, I check in occasionally to check the journals of good friends. Not drowning anymore...
Wednesday August 13, 03

Last night I dreamt....

06:29 AM

...that I had a baby! Hmmm. It was a girl, by the way. I was trying to get out of the house to buy her some clothes and stuff but I kept getting stopped (I think it was a surprise birth!) I can't remember it very well now, but it was lovely. I always wake up from dreams like that feeling a little sad, missing my baby. I have VERY vivid dreams.

Aren't dreams predictable? This is because late last night me and rallen were having a conversation about kids. I was telling him I'm sure I'll never have them, for a start I'll never find anyone as a partner. He's sure I will, but I think I'll just enjoy playing with his, spoiling them rotten then when they get crabby handing them back! I think he got ideas when we were on the bus and I was watching this HUGE baby messing about. It's name was Louise lol. I dunno, like I told him - if they left home at 5 I'd consider it. 18 years of someone being there all the time and all that worry is just too much. Yeuch.

We were also talking about horoscopes last night. It was really lovely, about 1am with the fan on, lounging about on the bed talking about personality traits, love interests and stuff. Me and rallen have a really interesting dynamic. We're both really deep-thinking people, loving, affectionate. The difference is that I've lived a lot and I've had to be grown up for a long long time. I left home at 17, moved in with my boyfriend. I had a flat to look after, a moody boyfriend and £40 a week to buy food and pay bills ($60). We were together for 8 years. I had to get a job, stay in a job with an abusive boss, get into uni, buy a house. Everything was a battle and even though I was a shy person with no self-esteem, I had to do it to survive. I had to learn to fight.

Yes people, that's what made me the GD you see today. Nothing came easy to me. Well the thing is with rallen that although he's not had an easy life, he's never had to battle quite as much as me, and he's always had support. Therefore he's been able to retain his sensitivity and shyness, and will not stand upto things like I will. For example, if I get shit food or service at a restaurant I'll complain - rallen won't. So although we're so similar in many ways, we have this basic difference which can cause problems. I've had to be very assertive over the years, bordering on aggressive, and sometimes I have this 'just DO it' attitude. I hate being cruel to people but you have to FIGHT.

I've lost my thread now! What was my point again? Oh yeah, the dynamic. It's basically that I can be too tough and rallen can be too soft. Although this can cause some hurt and frustration in our relationship, it also teaches the other I hope. We're both too extreme and need to move towards the middle and I hope we can help each other do that. I do adore him, he's the best friend I've ever had. Such a sweet, gentle guy, he has so much going for him.

Yesterday afternoon was really cool. Me and rallen love the small pleasures in life, and we got very excited about some DIVINE steak and stilton pasties, thorntons chocolates and some tea!! I took rallen in Whittards and god I've never seen someone so excited about tea! I went in there to get some good coffee, but rallen found heaven. He loves his tea, esp Earl Grey, and found delight in the little teapots and tea strainers. Bless.

Umm, so that's all I had to say really!

Toodle pip.

Lou xxx

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  • what a desperately cute journal entry.I'm still feeling all soppy over the thought of Rallen fondling tea-strainers...

    awwwwwwwwwww....

    you people are turning me soft!
    pillow -- Wednesday August 13 2003, @10:58AM (#71547)
    (User #5286 Info)


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