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Northern Bird (4363)
Northern Bird
(email not shown publicly) I left the North, I travelled South.... Hello! lou, 30, living in North London with the luscious Rallen, but originally from the North West. A girl with a thorn in my side, my main loves are good food, fine wine, BDSM and cats. Semi-retired from Moz-solo, I check in occasionally to check the journals of good friends. Not drowning anymore... Journal of Northern Bird (4363)Thursday November 07, 02
Bleeeuuuugggggghhhhhhh11:34 AM
Oh I have this ucky feeling today. I feel all unsettled. I've also realised that I spent a huge amount of my life (whilst not working) on Morrissey websites. I guess it's the only time I feel part of something, a community. Living in a shared flat in North London is one of the loneliest things. I really don't know where to go with my life. All I have is a good job, that's it. Sorry to everyone who doesn't, it's just that money and status have never been important to me. I knew that if I ever achieved them it wouldn't really matter that much, and I was right. All I've ever wanted is a place to call my own and to be loved. I have neither. I still haven't spoken to my parents on the phone as they can't get in touch, and I believe my sister left for Australia yesterday - for a year I think. She didn't bother to tell me so I have to take my Nan's word for it. So I am truly truly alone! I'm the only member of my immediate family in the country. So here I am. Yes I'm healthy, yes I have a little money. But I'm rarely happy. No, I'm rarely contented even. Glasgow was happy. True happiness. This now is like nothingness. I have no one close to me who I can talk to, no one to hug, no space, no plans. No one even texted me today. Although I did get a few really cool emails which did really cheer me up. They were all from internet Moz fans, lol. I really think I'd be dead without him. I read Wandsworth Matt's diary and I agree with what he said, but I'm sorry Matt, sometimes the joyless bleak drudgery of life is too hard to bear. So I live in this limbo. At least I am healthy and am sitting in my own room with my own laptop watching my own telly. That's something. So I'll go get some tea, eat, then spend an evening NOT on the net. I'm going to finish reading 'A Taste of Honey'. Then I'm going to go to bed alone, wake up alone and go to work - where I'll have my first conversation of the day. Sorry if I sound ungrateful for what I have - I'm just so lonely. Love GDx
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Loneliness. . . the root of all evil (Score:1)
Sorry to here about your depressed state. That's awful. I think alot of us spent our time on here, but we all are able to relate to each other. So that's reassuring. I hope that things get better for you.
flowers4Moz
(User #5918 Info)
Much love for a gorgeous girl... (Score:1)
and NOT covered in MUNG.
Love,
Moist Mel
(User #1580 Info)
one is the loneliest number (Score:0)
On good days, I go out and find somewhere to go to (there's always somewhere especially if you're in London), on bad days I aimlessly roam the flat and think I'll never be happy.
Many people feel like this, and I think for everyone out having a good time there's someone somewhere in a room not knowing what to do with themselves. Take pride in what you're doing, your job, the fact that you've made it in London, communicating with people who share the same interests with you... I am sure there's more.
There are times when people like you and me get depressed, and probably there's nothing one can do. Maybe we don't share the sunny utlook on life with others. As long as it doesn't keep you from doing what you want to do, there's absolutely no need to worry about it. Its ok to be miserable.
Anyway, if you ever want to hook up and talk, get in touch. I am in London, too, at least for another while until I decided what to do with my life.
(User #4783 Info)