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Northern Bird (4363)

Northern Bird
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I left the North, I travelled South.... Hello! lou, 30, living in North London with the luscious Rallen, but originally from the North West. A girl with a thorn in my side, my main loves are good food, fine wine, BDSM and cats. Semi-retired from Moz-solo, I check in occasionally to check the journals of good friends. Not drowning anymore...

Journal of Northern Bird (4363)

Monday September 08, 03

Mini crisis

08:48 AM

So dear friends, you may have noticed my subdued mood. Sometimes the future seems so dull of hope and promise, but then it all seems to turn to shit.

I was talking to my colleague before and he basically told me that I'll be working 12 hour days when I qualify in December. I know he's right. I am totally unwilling to give up my life like this. I had no life for 8 years with my ex, this is MY time and the 2 1/2 years I've had so far is not enough. It's not even like I have to do all this work to further my career and learn stuff. It's just the fascist company and their targets. Giving us a day and a halfs worth of work in one day and we just have to do it or leave. The pay's pretty good but I don't give a shit. I want my TIME.

What also really upset me is that I explained to him that I wanted to be a psychologist or therapist. He asked me why I didn't do it and I said I didn't want to spend 7 years doing psychiatry. Then it hit me. I spent 5 years studying for my chosen profession. For fuck's sake. I should have just gone for it. Now I'm trapped into 60 hour weeks. Fabulous.

Things only got worse when I got home, tired out and in need of comfort. To cut a long story short, I'm being TOTALLY used. A loved one is being unbelievably cruel and selfish and it hurts more than I can explain. I'm seriously considering walking away from it all. I can handle being alone again, shut away with only my music, internet and DVDs. I just want my surroundings to be mine, how I left them and how I want them.

I feel an ultimatum coming on...

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  • I will spare you excessive lyric quoting or plagerising somebody elses (more inteligent, proufound and witty quotes) Your the best person ive ever met, i didnt realise quite how much of an arse i was till now, i dont know what to say, as ive said most things before. your a far better person than me, im terribly self obsessed, (strange for someone whos not terribly keen on themselves) startling really, i never new how much, indeed i always felt deep and humaine that i thought about other people. god how deluded i am. i dont like revealing all this on here, but i want it to be set in stone for the world to see, your a good egg, if your were a drink you would be ribena and i would be ribena toothkind (YUK!) ive let you down badly hun, on many occasions, youve saved me yet ive brought you down (thankfully you could never come down to my level your far to good a person)

    im going to make this work if its the last thing i ever do, at the moment this will embarrase me for the rest of my life, i dont want it too haunt me for the rest of my life, that would be too much. you deserve so much more, i deserve death by firing squad. (of which i would happily pay for the bullets)
    rallen <[email protected]> -- Tuesday September 09 2003, @03:36AM (#73367)
    (User #4753 Info)
    the best form of revenge is to live well.
    • Re:Tightrope by Northern Bird (Score:1) Wednesday September 10 2003, @05:13AM

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