God I have all this stuff in my head and I don't know where to start!!!

1) Yesterday we got a hamster! His name is Withnail. We had planned to get one this week but then we saw him in Harrods and fell in love. He's a pale creamy colour with big ears and eyes. He was in his tank in Harrods and when we walked up to the glass he ran up to us. When we walked round the other side he followed us, putting his little pink paws against the glass and sticking his nose through the air holes. Anyway we got him home last night and he was up for over 6 hours, running manically in his wheel and exploring his cage. He's watching me now. Mental!

2) I've come to terms with the fact that I don't want a romantic relationship in my life for now. I actively don't. I just don't have the space in my life, nor the mental capacity. I've realised how quiet and introverted I really am, how hard it is to have someone around and let them into my mind. I'm so relieved that the longing has gone away. I'm sure it'll be back, but life is nicer without it.

3) The Moz documentary I found really exciting. Most of the old feelings came back. I do love him so much but it's hard to forget what a thoroughly nasty person he can be. I do think I understand him more and more recently, as I relate to the solitude and just being surrounded by his own stuff. I also hate talking on the phone, and live by text message. Anyway, not sure what to make of the 'friend' James O'Brien. I was told he directed the Sunny video, so my respect for him has plummeted. Hideous. I was however disappointed by the doc, not enough footage of the man and nothing revealed. And all the situations we saw him in seemed staged for the doc. And Bono - BONO?! Now I hate that bastard at the best of times but he did NOT belong there. Noel was fucking ace though, as was Kathy Burke.

4) The writing thing has come to the forefront recently. It's weird, I had just abandoned it all until Rallen's Mum read my palm but now it keeps cropping up. A few people recently have suggested I should write, including my boss and my ex - they both commented on how well I write. Now dear reader I know this is hilarious considering the frightful quality of this journal, but this is more an emotional spewing and things sometimes just come out as they come out. Anyway, so I'm just mulling over different topics, non-fiction. I'm going to write a Morrissey's London book, Phill thinks it's a good idea. I just wish I had the time at the moment.

5) Work is very good and bad in equal measures. My big bosses are being quite cool but my office boss is like an old woman and winding himself up about stuff. He's driving me insane. I've begun to hate it there but I have to stick it out until xmas at least.

6) Melissa and Josh stayed for a week and left yesterday. We did loads of cool stuff including a mini Moz tour and Brighton. They are wonderful people.

Well I did want to write more but it's now 9am and I have to get into work. Lots of love to everyone.

Lou xxx

http://lou.fotopic.net/