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Sunday July 23, 06
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10:23 AM - dancing like a jig-a-boo
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I saw my little American friend again this weekend; due to my appallingly shite job I happened to be vaguely in her vicinity, so I took a flight out to visit her this weekend, thereby turning a week spent in the states into something enjoyable. I had a whole lot of fun: she took me to a couple of restaurants, she took me to a mall and she taught me a new word: "jig-a-boo", which seems to be a derogatory term for someone of Afro-Caribbean descent. Happy days indeed. Also, she insisted on paying for everything... I don't know if this is some sort of southern custom or if she's just crazy.
I'd like to be able to say that I'm currently on my way home, but instead I'm flying from here to Kraut Central - a.k.a. Deutschland: home of the Germans. Still, at least German airports are not run by sexual perverts... I've had a run of bad luck at airports over here in the States when it comes to boarding passes - if you pick up your boarding card and it has "ssss" written on it, this apparently means you've won some sort of raffle, the prize being a "Phase 2 Security Check", or, to put it another way: you get to be molested by a flagrantly gay middle-aged man, wearing surgical gloves and waving a large black wand.
Whilst I am all for security at airports, I do feel that having the metal buttons on the fly of my jeans examined - just to be sure they really are buttons (and not, presumably, weapons of mass destruction) is something of an invasion of my personal space. It seems to me that once you step into an airport, especially in a foreign country, you have implicitly signed away all the rights you normally expect to have as a human being. Think about it: why should security be so different getting on a plane when compared to, say, riding on a rush hour train or even going into a busy supermarket or shopping centre. I seriously doubt that ordinary people would be as cooperative about having their intimate areas probed by a security guard on their way into their local Tesco's as they seem to be whilst walking through airport security. 10 years from now I predict going through airport security will involve stripping naked, being hosed down and then bending over for a cavity search. Phase 2 security checks will involve being sodomised by each member of the airport security team in turn.
Yours Sincerely,
Mr Biffo
-Proud to have been offending people since 1982 -
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