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Thursday May 22, 08
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05:10 AM - I've come to wish you an unhappy Birthday
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY MORRISSEY!!!!! All the best.
Since it's a "7" year for you it should mean lots of perspective contemplating of past and future. Excellent lyrics are sure to be bountiful and needing to be etched on paper.
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Wednesday April 30, 08
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07:24 AM - Has the World Changed or have I Changed
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Last Friday had me brimming with an energy that couldn’t be named. I just knew I had to get out of the winter norm I had settled into. My horoscope was all about meeting people and finding a love interest. Though it sounded good past experience had shown me my horoscope was all talk. The whole eve had a surrealist feel about it that even Dali would appreciate. I felt I was in the passenger seat of this earth vehicle I normally drive but that night it was all up to the cosmos. I suppose the beer and fine lines may have had something to do with it as well.
The night started off by meeting BB for a north end night of Bingo. I actually won and had to ask BB when I should call Bingo. After that we stumbled into the adjacent bar and continued to party while listening and participating in bad karaoke; Steppin’ Stone, Tainted Love and Toxic were my singing choices BB bowed out of a duet with me. BB kept pushing me to follow some guys out to the patio and smoke with them. I don’t smoke but in my frame of mind I was up for anything. Standing there all nervous doing the best impression of a smoker I could, all those years studying human behavior paid off as I apparently looked quite natural at it.
My usual opening line for a north end night is to ask if they attended a high school close by. So after chatting this guy-NK up BB comes out and it turns out this guy grew up 3 blocks from him and knows his whole family. As I stood there getting dizzy as hell from the cigarette NK’s friend comes out and he happens to brush up against my chest, easy to do when it sticks out as far as it does. So we chat up for a while and I end up sharing my party favors with him. The night didn’t turn out quite as planned but I at least got some lip action out of it.
BB and I walk back to his house to finish our party favors but he’s fading fast so I hoof it to the gas station by his house to call a cab. It’s only about 1:30am but cabs are streaming by with people in them coming home from the bar. I was almost ready to start walking as I’m only about 20 blocks from home but I was really feeling the night by then. A cab pulls up and I thought thank god but there was a fella in it. When he got out I could see he had 3 cases of beer with him and I’m thinking “where the heck is he going to?” Well my question was soon answered. He comes out and starts chatting me up and I agreed to go with him to a party he was heading to. I know, I realized as soon as my ass hit the seat what a stupid thing I was doing and god only knew what would happen to me. To tell you the truth the only reason I got in was this crazy energy that was driving me all day and the fact that the fella was from Newfoundland. Us easterners have a trust for one another that I have not seen anywhere else across Canada.
The fella introduces himself as Fred and I willingly gave my real name as I figured he was too loaded to get Lucretia, heck the karaoke DJ couldn’t even say it right. So we get to our destination which wasn’t very far, not sure where Fred was coming from but his cab was $65.00. All of a sudden I’m getting extremely nervous as I don’t know what I’m getting into. We go into the house and I say Fred invited me and when Pam’s faced contorted weird I then found out Fred lied to me and his real name is Dave and he’s common law with Pam’s mom. Now I tease the hell out of Dave for lying to me the first time we meet. Pam then takes us to the basement where there are a bunch of young guys and another girl. Most of the group is playing pool on a smaller pool table. I also notice their party favors on the table so I thought so far so good. I chat up all the guys and am just the reg motor mouth I can be when hopped up and nervous. The other girl April scared me a little in the fact that she had such a butch job and I knew I didn’t want to mess with her.
About a half hour into this new scenario Dave’s phone rings and he screams at me that it’s for me. I’m thinking “what the f…”. Turns out it’s the cab driver that dropped us off and he was wondering if I was ok and if I needed to get out of there. Pretty friggin awesome of him I thought, I assured him I was fine.
I then went upstairs for another beer and this one guy that was kinda staring at me followed me up. He then made a comment about the size of my chest and one thing let to another. Unfortunately we were interrupted by April. She has me loaded down with beers for the group downstairs, once delivered I head to the washroom. Just as I was finishing up Chad walks in and we pick up where we left off. We then go around a corner and peep on his buddies, he then grabs my hand and takes me upstairs where we hang out and talk for a bit as some of the other fellas were upstairs by now. They leave and we pick up where we left off. Unfortunately he admits to too much consumption of party favors and heads to bed, sadly without me.
Just as I’m trying to figure out how I’m gonna find out where I am to get a cab home this other fella that chatted me up most of the night comes around the corner and lip locks me. At this point I’m thinking this is all a dream as this NEVER happens to me. I still shake my head wondering where my magnetism all of a sudden came from. Well one thing let to another and Jonathan and I finish up the night together. When I left his room the rest of the party was now upstairs playing Texas Hold’em. I managed to get the address and call a cab. Turns out Dave is also ready to leave so we go together. He lives on the way to my house about 5 blocks from where he had picked me up. He insisted that he pay for the cab to take me home which I thought was extremely nice of him, even though I insisted he didn’t have to. I get home at 8:25am.
So somehow that energy had me be someone I never thought I was or could be. Scary and titillating at the same time. I started out the night innocently thinking a reg north end night and somehow ended up an old cougar being preyed by young men. Starting with someone 11yr younger than I and worked my way down to someone 18yrs younger than I. Time will tell if it was a one night twilight zone deal or if my phone will ring by Friday. Here’s hoping the latter.
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Monday March 17, 08
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10:48 AM - I've come to wish you an Unhappy BD
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Sucks to have one's BD on a Monday!
Double sucks to be associated with such a drinking holiday! Oh how I kid.
I share my BD with a co-worker who sits in the cubicle across from me as well as my friend's 14yr old son. Weird.
So the mandatory green and the irish fake kissing is the theme of the day.
Also have to get driver's license pic done this aft. Yiiiii Those always turn out so well, don't they!
So nothing moving or shaking yet well unless I get up and start walking around, LOL!
Keeping it pretty low key this year, age tends to do that.
Went with a co-worker this morning over to the Bissell Centre - place where homeless congregate and get food and necessities. Wow nothing like a trip to a place like that to put your own life in perspective. Oh but leave it to my sick sense of humor to mention to co-worker that perhaps we should have gotton some shots before coming here. Open the door and I get accousted with "Hello pretty Irish Lady". There but for the grace of God go I.....
So one last blast of winter for us here in the praries this wknd. It was heavy and moist, so coastal, reminding me of my youth. However prairie snow tends to smell more like exhaust than say a coastal salty ocean smell. Great snowman weather but after shoveling I had no energy left to make one. It's the small things we regret isn' it?
Well Happy St. Paddy's to y'all. Don't drink to much green beer as it tends to make one green the next day.
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Tuesday December 18, 07
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10:26 AM - Suffer little children
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Well it’s that time of year again when everyone has a sob story to tell. Our department sponsors a couple of low income families for food and gifts. I didn’t participate last year and have reluctantly participated this year. Trust me my contribution is pretty meager, 2 bags of pasta that I purchased for $1 each at the Dollar store.
Everyone has their hand out; Salvation Army, Food Bank, Stollery Children’s Hospital, Homeless Shelters and Santa’s Anonymous, Adopt-a-Teen just to name a few. While I think it’s nice that people open their purse strings this time of year but what about the rest of the year? The City already takes mandatory Charity contributions off my cheque and I’m living with a senior on a small pension that needs to be subsidized. The Assessors I’m working with make 3 to 5 times what I do plus they are mostly double income familes and give me a strange look when I say “I’m sorry not this year”. I feel guilty as hell over it but I would want my monies going towards a Canadian family in need and that can’t be guaranteed.
I grew up poor so poor in fact that one winter my mother had to get free knuckle bones from the butcher (said they were for our dogs) to make soup with. We also had no tv, no phone and being Jehovah’s Witness to boot, so there was no x-mas anyways. Now that’s a sob story for you and it’s all true.
I didn’t really mind those lean times as the drinking was less in my house and we seemed closer by sharing our misery. I learned to love reading as it was the closest thing to escape I could get. I learned to get by with second hand clothes and the company of my pets. Plus the hours upon hours I’d spend sledding in the winter and biking in the summer. Those lean times made me appreciate things more when I did get something new or when we finally got a t.v. (second-hand black and white).
My mother was either too proud or too embarrassed and would NEVER in a million years ask for a hand-out. People these days seem to have no shame, just how many people who request assistance really need it? I’m probably going to be politically incorrect here when I get upset by foreigners coming in and using our resources. I can go as far back as the ship Hector in 1773 on my mother’s side so I feel confident in saying I’m a true bread Canadian.
The news showed people delivering gifts for Santa’s Anonymous and the 3 homes they showed were of dark skinned families where one actually couldn’t speak English, the daughter had to talk to the media. Do these people even have Christmas where they come from? I don’t think they pray to Jesus after bombing for Allah. It peeves me a little when there are homeless families living in tents in our River Valley but these families receiving gifts are in a bigger home than I and have more creature comforts then I could ever afford to have.
BaHumbug and let the fallout begin…….
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Friday December 07, 07
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08:51 AM - Stop me from thinking from thinking ALL the time about…..and
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psychologically save me
Dig a shallow grave
Wake up at 6 AM and think about
It's always just around the bend
So sick and belaboured
And oh, my room is cold
In our different ways we are The same
I've watched you
My only mistake is I keep hoping
when I'm lying in my bed I think about life And I think about death
There's no words to properly express what is swimming in my head however, the tone and mood of the above songs are as close as I can get..........
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Thursday April 19, 07
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07:04 AM - The rain falls hard…..
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Yeah so hard that it’s SNOW!!!! Come on its April 19th already ENOUGH!!! We’ve pretty much had snow on the ground here since October 28/06, 7 months now. The snow is usually gone by mid march with no more expected til the end of October but not this year. Talk about depressing and gloomy when we should be gearing up for the buds of Spring to bloom. My tulip’s leaves are sprouting, the lilies of the valley are peeking through and my apple, cherry and lilac bush are budding. Everything is ready for Spring but the weather.
I don’t mind the rain as much as it reminds me of my youth growing up on the East Coast of Canada. Which if I was still there would be suffering through that Nor’wester their having down there right now. The bonus to that is all the sealing vessels are blocked in with the ice off the Coast of Newfoundland, couldn’t have happened to a grander bunch. Rescue attempts are being made as the ice is threatening to puncture the hauls of the vessels. They estimate some 5 to 6 hundred men are stranded. I didn’t realize how big the seal hunt actually is, wow mind boggling.
I noticed that the new moon started on Tuesday and usually I embrace it as a new start to things but for some reason this particular new moon has so far brought me nothing but grief. I know all these little hiccups happening in my life right now are growth learning experiences but it’s causing an uneasiness in my temperament. The inner grump is trying to push through my normally smiley outward demeanor and I have to catch my sharp tongue before harsh words roll of it. My entry the other day just couldn’t convey what is really happening to me. I’m forgetful, clumsier and just more so irritated in general.
This morning I forgot to put my rings on that I have done so for over 20yrs now with the same rings. I only noticed after I got to work when I went to twiddle one of them with my thumb which I usually do. So I’m feeling out of sorts and somewhat incomplete, weird eh?
So yesterday I toted my umbrella around all day as the threat of rain was forecasted but it didn’t and I ended up forgetting my umbrella on the bus. This pissed me off as it was a real nice one and besides I had bought in Vancouver when I lived there for the summer of ’97, I would have had it 10yrs in May. I’m hoping I’ll find it at the Lost & Found today as I reported it yesterday but its return is at the mercy of the kindness of strangers so we’ll see how good my karma is in getting it back or not.
I borrowed mother’s umbrella today and have officially entered the eccentric part of my life. I have long admitted the eccentricities I plan on adopting as I age. This first one has already started as I am now carrying and using the umbrella in the snow. Hey I don’t care how stupid it looks as I just hate getting my glasses wet. Also the umbrella doesn’t get wet per say as the snow is a solid, so when you collapse it you don’t get an extra shower.
Thank god I have tomorrow off.
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Wednesday April 18, 07
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11:45 AM - Unruly boys……Must be taken in hand
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Ok I’m the first to admit that I shouldn’t necessarily have an opinion on this subject as I have no children of my own nor am I planning to. But….people that do have children have a responsibility to teach their children proper etiquette when they are out in public.
Recently for some reason 3 little boys perhaps 8-10yrs of age have been taking the public transit instead of the yellow school bus home and have become a real pain in my ass. They are loud, obnoxious and just downright rude. Yesterday for an example as I was walking from the train platform towards the downward stairs one of them was hanging over the ledge spitting down trying to hit the other 2. This had me yelling “Hey there are people walking under there!” Some lady looked at me and it startled the boy and he did stop.
Then they meander out to the bus stop where myself, a lady in a wheelchair, an elderly gentleman and various others were waiting. The bus shows up and the majority of us stood back to let the wheelchair lady on first but not those 3 little bas%@&ds. They run up to the front one almost getting his foot run over by the wheelchair, which frightened the lady in the chair. The elderly guy said “Hey let the lady on first”. They of course didn’t and jumped on the bus then stood in the way taking off their backpacks, pushing each other and doing everything but taking their seats. Finally the driver noticed the wheelchair and told them to move as he was unable to lower the ramp for the lady.
Another beef I have is when people take their little darlings shopping when they should have stayed home with a babysitter. The first episode happened a few months ago when mother and I were grocery shopping, we kept hearing the most horrible coughing coming from somewhere. As we turned the corner into another aisle here was a family – man, woman and small child and it was the small child with this grown up smokers cough. They didn’t have a cart to put him in, the guy had 2 baskets, one in each hand and the woman was dragging this poor child around. It seemed no matter where mother and I went they seemed to follow or be there ahead of us. I finally had enough when I seen the child, who was now in the woman’s arms, hacking over the exposed vegetables. I asked if one of them could take the child to the car as he’s exposing everyone in the store to his cold. The guy calls me a fat bitch and told me to mind my own business. I said well at least have the decency to show the child how to cover his cough to eliminate as much as possible the spread of his mucus on the food products and that it was selfish of them to be dragging him around like that when he’s sick.
Just recently again while shopping with mother we could hear this child screaming so loudly in the next aisle that we couldn’t carry on a conversation. We then end up in the next line beside them where this child is screaming at the top of it’s lungs Bye Bye, Bye Bye. I just instinctually turned and put my finger to my mouth and went ssshhhhhhh. Where the mother than gave me a dirty look. I looked back and said maybe it’s time she was taught about inside and outside voices. The child continued with its loud Bye Byes while the mother just smiled and giggled. Her cashier must have said something to her as well as she then started putting her hand over the child’s mouth.
What your children do may seem cute to you however, most often it is an irritant to others.
I was brought up where unruly behavior was curbed by a quick swat to the mouth, not that I’m condoning such behavior but heck it worked for me. Now I know this is frowned upon these days and kids even have a help line to report abuse but at what consequence will this be to the general public once they grow up. And who will be to blame? The child? No it should be the parents who didn’t give their children the proper skills of common courtesy to others.
We have a homicide case in our Courts system right now where an 18yr old driving his mother’s car fires 3 gunshots out the drivers window hitting another 18yr old girl in the face and killing her. His defense – I wasn’t aiming at anyone I thought I was shooting over theirs heads just trying to scare them.
Ok you have an 18yr old, driving your car at 2am and shooting at people from your car, do you think perhaps you maybe slightly to blame?
Granted he did turn himself in before they found him but an interesting twist to this case – the mother’s car has yet to be found. I can’t help but wonder if she helped get rid of it before he turned himself in.
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Tuesday April 17, 07
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07:19 AM - Monday – humiliation
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What a strange day it was yesterday, it was if I was going through the motions but was not really in my body.
The day started with me out of sorts of my regular routine as I usually pack my lunch the night before but what I planned on having could only be put together in the morning or else it would have resembled one nasty science project by noon. I also took the time to make a shake as the lonely last banana was on its last legs. Mother got up and started talking to me which resulted in me running late and going out the door without my water, which I then had to dig my keys out of my purse to get back in and grab it.
So running late I really had to hoof it to the bus stop to catch my bus. Got to the train station and the escalator was out.
Side note: there’s a guy on my train that I use to work with about 10yrs ago for some reason I’ve not said hi to him even though I caught recognition in his eyes as well.
So this morning we both hit the automatic doors just about together but I caught him out of the corner of my eye and quickened my step to get ahead of him. Only to discover the escalator out so of course I had to haul my ass up the 39 steps at a quick pace to stay ahead of him. Nothing like forced exercise.
The first stop the train makes it picks up 2 very loud native Indians reeking of alcohol and crack/meth smoke. My nose and ears insulted by their presence made me stifle a gag or 2.
Finally got to the stop for me to get off and low and behold this escalator is down so now another forced 43 steps. Really if it wasn’t for the forced exercise I wouldn’t have did it on my own. Sure I’ll walk up a moving escalator but will not go out of my way to walk up the stairs.
I had this project that needed to be finished because I dicked around too much on Friday so as I’m plugging away a co-worker comes and sits down in my cubicle and proceeds to tell me the sexy dream he had about me. I’m a little shocked and then tell him one of my own that I had of him. Now this is all well and fine BUT he’s married and hey I learned my lesson. He wants me to analyze what I think it means and I tell him that sex dreams are not about sex and you have to interpret the images in the dream not necessarily the actions.
Well he thinks some outside force is connecting us in some way trying to tell us something. God men will say anything to get laid, LOL. As desperate as I am for the attention and the arms of a man I must be strong. Yii he just walked in and came up to me to ask how my pussy is? LOL This is a running joke we have as I have black kitty cats adorning my cubicle. When he asks me this I usually say neglected and pass him a cat to pet. I truly am my own worst enemey.
The day was full of crazy interruptions by co-workers wanting something or another. My cubicle seemed to have a revolving door one goes out and another comes in so I take a humungous architect plan and place it on my spare chair to inhibit people sitting and loitering. For some reason I was like static cling and people kept being drawn to me.
So I manage to finish the project just as I’m being asked for it. I was wiped and left 10mins early.
Went for a tan and was given a different bed than I scheduled for and ended up burning my ass BIG TIME. Then went to the drugstore to return some body lotion I bought that smelled rancid and turning a corner bumped into the Big Nigerian Pharmacist who gave me a big hello Lucretia, which took me back a smidge. However last Wednesday we had quite the chat about the body’s chemicals and how when he was in school he was fascinated by the jars containing the various chemicals and how bad they smelled. Funny what people will talk about eh?
So then I ventured into the slumy grocery store down the block for some ginger ale. The usual mix of drug dealers and users hanging were out in the front. It must have been family allowance day as it was filled with low income people stocking up on milk, cigarettes and lotto. I managed to get out of there without too much hassle.
Then off to home to shower off the putrid tanning lotion. Took kitty outside for some air and a good brushing.
Felt restless after watching taped Sons of Hollywood and made a pan of puffed wheat squares, yum.
It was a weird day to me but after writing this it just doesn’t convey the feeling of the day. Oh well it was what it was.
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Thursday April 05, 07
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06:09 AM - Somewhere there’s a someone that can soothe me.
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And when he does come….oohhh aaaahhh
Welcome to Snowmonton this week, crips you’d think it was December instead of April.
A week ago I was raking and watching my tulips sprouting up and this week it’s back pushing the shovel.
God I need some sunshine in my life figuratively and metaphorically speaking. 4 day weekend coming up and the big plan is to read House of Hilton and see a scary movie on Sunday. Oh yes let’s not forget to inhale copious amounts of chocolate!!!!
Little KT that I work with wants to set me up with a fella that is 9 yrs younger than myself. Well I went 14 yrs older so maybe it’s time to go younger. I’ve been missing that type of companionship lately but what I miss the most is KISSING. This guy at work was telling me about a dating site he uses so maybe I’ll venture on there this wknd as well.
Spring has sprung and the cougar’s on the hunt! LOL
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Wednesday March 21, 07
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06:48 AM - Ouija board would you work for me?
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Well someone from the other side came to wish me an unhappy birthday on Sat. This particular incident has happened twice before. Once because we had roofers banging around and another time that is unexplainable.
So I had the flu all week and was just not up to a night of drinking. So ended up staying home. In the early evening I was thinking about my dead step-dad for a little while then got caught up in the movie Napolean Dynamite and forgot about him.
Went to the bathroom and as I was washing my hands a quick thought of my step-dad flashed in my mind then......the middle shelf of a 3 shelf rack smashed onto the tiolet seat and floor. Amazingly the 2 blue glass birds didn't break however there was a gouge in the bathroom floor from the corner of the shelf.
I'd like to romantisise it and think it was my step-dad saying happy birthday but mother just thinks it could be from train vibrations that maybe we don't feel but take a toll on a house that's shifting from warmer temperatures. The train tracks are only a few blocks away from us.
The other unexplainable time when this particular shelf fell was around an anniversary of my mom's old boyfriend's death. Again for no reason the shelf fell and nothing broken except the shelf cracked the black wooden toilet seat. I was shocked that those blue glass birds didn't break. Seriously to see them they have a long tail and expanded wings not to mention a pointy beak that you'd think surely would have chipped. I really thought it was her boyfriend becasue he had given her those birds and for them to survive the crash well.....
So Sat was the third time for this shelf to fall which is another strange thing that the middle shelf fell but didn't take out the bottom shelf with it. You'd think something on the bottom shelf would have been hit or knocked to the floor.
I'm emarrassed to say that I haven't put the shelf back up yet.
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