Well, I did promise it to you, didn't I? Enjoy, and don't cry too hard, it's all in good fun...Incidentally, there is a point-scoring system in operation, including points for articulate writing, interesting entries, and humourous content, as well as regularity of update - not too regular, not too irregular. I didn't include myself in the poll, as I would be around 100,000 points in front.

10 - BlueGirl (637 points)
Occasionally brilliant, seldom dull, our resident pornographist is number 10. Would probably be higher up if she wasn't top of the tree in the posting stakes - like I said, spontaneous entries is a good thing. I always remember, just about when I joined the journal system, she was talking about 69 being such a good feeling if done correctly. Which is why she's in the top ten.

9 - a bullied child (941 points)
She doesn't just make it in here because she's good looking, but also because she writes some damn good journal entries. Apart from the poems, occasionally, which I despise, but that's no fault of hers. Became a regular fixture some time ago, and is still there.

8 - pretendersgirl14 (1,048 points)
Surprising, perhaps, considering she's only been on the block for a few entries (28 at last count), but I'm a fully-paid-up member to the fan club already. Very, very articulate and precise when writing their entries, which, as you know, I'm a big fan of. Youth being on her side as well sees her make it in at number 8.

7 - Squirrelhead (1,203 points)
Yup, the only animal valid for the poll (moz bunny, of course, did not qualify) comes in at number 7. And why? Well, besides being attractive, Scottish and having met her at a Morrissey gig, she writes a good journal. Only posts entries in fits and spurts, which probably holds her back, but I always find the entries to be interesting, which is unusual for my high standards.

6 - haze (1,233 points)
As you can see by the points, it was a close-run thing between Haze and Squirrelhead, but the Canadian wins it because, well, he's Canadian. And from Toronto as well, not just a little Quebecois (I don't know the accents on the keyboard, sorry). The entries are certainly fascinating, although once again, I despise poetry in all its forms (would you call Morrissey a poet? I wouldn't).

5 - ploppy pants (1,405 points)
About 1,300 of those points were for humour. Is it a tired format, though? Who knows. But anyway, ploppy is one of those rare breeds, those who come along once every twenty years or so, and brings together a revolution in their field. George Best did it in football; Steven Spielberg did it in film-making; ploppy pants did it in Morrissey-solo journal comedy.

4 - Smiths (1,407 points)
Smiths beats ploppy pants because he posts more regularly. Despite the fact he's just ahead of me in terms of journal entries, I still find him entertaining. Only occasionally do his standards slip, such as posting some links which I can't access due to my old computer's instability. May have been higher if he wasn't A**rican.

3 - hand in glove (1,655 points)
Always had a soft spot for our higgy, I have! Her inclusion at number three is mainly down to the journal entries of yore, as she obviously deleted them all and then reincarnated herself as the ghost of hand in glove, then as hand in glove. Probably leads the points in e-mail stakes as, well, she's the only one I e-mail. But anyway.

2 - Boy With The Thorn (1,879 points)
And so, Boy With The Thorn comes in at number 2. He told me last night that second wasn't good enough, but I don't care, you deserve it! Seriously, a good friend of mine (I don't have too many), and I speak to him regularly on Yahoo! Messenger. Met him at the Morrissey concert, and he seems like a decent bloke. The entries, even although he says they're boring, are, quite possibly, the best on here (barring my own of course, silly). But, er, yeah, number 2...

1 - Mr_Biffo (1,893 points)
Could it be anyone else? Ever since we plotted the death of Mr_Biffo by a runaway elephant, I still maintain Biffo to be number 1. And it's not only because I sleep with him. No, there are numerous other reasons as well. The only other person I converse with on Yahoo! Messenger, we've already arranged to marry each other's sister. Which makes us brothers, virtually. We have a joint interest in the journals, such as despising Americans (I don't really. But he does). And so, our Biff is #1. (I talk about American hatred, then use an Americanism on the last line...).

And so, that's your lot. If you don't like it, don't read it. Fin.