I'm glad to see that the majority of sane people saw through my April Fool's joke. I'm far too transparent, I guess.

Anyway, back to the harsh realities of a Friday night with JacquesTheLad. And more memoirs of a lost childhood! Yes, this time I'm rewinding back to maths class, circa 1998. A homework problem concerned four perfume makes: one of them being called "Nightline". In my most mature of manners, I marked my mate's attempt at an answer wrong with a cross. And, thus, "Nightline X" was founded.

And what a legend it became. Nightline X was my business, you see. Like most things with the letter "x" in it, it oozed coolness. It was where the beautiful, beautiful ladies came for various "services". Yes, a glorified brothel, if you will. And I, I was the brains and brawn behind the operation. I raked in profits, whilst satisfying countless women.

It also doubled up as a tool to severely annoy my friend. Soon, demand far outweighed supply, and I couldn't cope. So I "employed" several people to help me in my work. Recognising there were other markets, I opened Nightline G, Nightline BI and Nightline L. I can let you guess what they were for yourselves. In order to get under my friend's skin, I appointed him as the owner of the Nightline G subsidiary. In the environment of my loosely homophobic teenage years - and I remind you I'm still a teenager - I could think of no better way to annoy him.

Marketing was another key ingredient to our success. Some might say I was no less than a common vandal. I say it was advertising; I'd take his BAA sharpener, shaped as an aeroplane, and scrawl "NIGHTLINE X" on the wings. Soon, mere strangers would ask, "What's this Nightline X?". I would sit and smirk whilst he explained the sordid truths.

It was somewhat happier times, I have to say. My own world seems far more intelligent, sensible and exciting than the real one. Needless to say, like so many things in my life, it didn't turn out to be anything more than a facade. Nightline X disbanded in early 2000, the attraction well and truly washed away. It'll be back, in years to come (quite literally).