I've been seeing a new psychologist. I love her. She is wonderful. I just can't wait for the new meds, as I have been in the dark pit of depression for about a month non-stop now.

She says I have bi-polar and Adult ADD.

I haven't been out or around, as I have lost all of my recently acquired skills of functioning as a person in society.

At least I have the Moz show on 10/17 to look forward to, even though I am going alone.

Hogs n Kittens,
Brooke

are you in the yahoo Jake group, and if so, what is your name?

Once my lover
Now my friend
What a cruel thing
To pretend
What a cunning way
To condescend
Once my lover and
Now my friend
Oh, you creep up
Like the clouds
And you set my soul at ease
Then you let
Your love abound
And you bring me
To my knees
Oh, it's evil, babe
The way you let
Your grace enrapture me
When will you know
I'd be insane
To ever let that
Dirty game recapture me

You made me
A shadowboxer, baby
I wanna be ready
For what you do
I've been swinging
All around me
'Cause I don't know
When you're gonna
Make your move

Oh, your gaze
Is dangerous
And you fill your
Space so sweet
If I let you
Get too close
You'll set your
Spell on me
So darlin'
I just wanna say
Just in case
I don't come through
I was on to every play
I just wanted you

But, oh, it's so evil
My love
The way you've no
Reverence to my concern
So I'll be sure to
Stay wary of you, love
To save the pain of
Once my flame and
Twice my burn

My question to any of you who may be reading this is:

Do you think it is worth opening your heart for a brief, but very real, glimpse of love, even though you know all along that your heart will be quite broken?

Waiting with bated breath...

actually, I'm not even that far from him:)

1. I work for Barb
2. Barb is named after her Aunt Barb
3. Aunt Barb was a college roomate of Susan Sarandon
4. Susan Sarandon's co-star in Moonlight Mile was...Jake Gyllenhaal!!!

Of course, I am also only 4 degrees from Rocky Horror Picture Show.

How very interesting.

Well, anyone who has any brain in their head would realize that I am still in love with Shaun. It's been like this for a while. Through all his girlfriends and all my boyfriends, it just never goes away. I spent the night with him Friday, and I can honestly say it was the best night I ever had. We talked about everything, and we were finally totally honest with each other. It was the first time I ever actually made love to someone.

But, the honeymoon was over the next day when 300 pound ho-bag Renee (who is married and already has another 2 guys on the side) went over to his house and apparently screwed around with him. Then she had the courtesy to send me and IM describing the entire incident. Then asked me if I minded at all if she fucked him. Well, let me think about that. UH, YES I MIND. I AM IN LOVE WITH HIM. How very nice of her. I, needless to say, was quite pissed. I ripped Shaun a new one and let him know that I, in fact, am not a prostitute, and therefore do not enjoy being treated like one.

The story is old, I know, but it goes on. He confronted Renee, who then got quite upset and cried and all of that stupid bullshit. Then she emailed me and apologised for messing with my man and all that shit.

To top it all off, Shaun actually emailed me last night at 10:30 and for the first time since I've known him, asked me out on a date. He said "dinner, wherever you want as long as they serve steak, I'll pay, and no sex."

Things are lookin' up.

God, life has been strange lately. I dreamt that Lolla. was cancelled. 2 Days later it was. Dreamt that I fucked Jake last night. Maybe that will also happen :) anyway, I keep talking to Shaun and spending the night at his house and yada yada yada. no sex though. Been watching Donnie Darko every day for the last 2 weeks. Downloaded a bunch o' Jake pictures. Last month's GQ rocked, didn't it Scotty? Met a Moz fan who lives near me and shamelessly flirted online. God, I need to get laid.

Going outta town this weekend to the beautiful shores of lake Michigan.

Maybe I'll meet a new man.

when you realize that all you thought was good and right for you is not, and all of the people you thought you knew so well turn out to be shadows you imagined.

...and to Ryan yesterday and to Moz tomorrow. For my b-day my mother bought me my moz ticket.

By far the best birthday ever.

Last night brought about some drunken debauchery and make-out sessions at the goth club.

Unfortunately, one of them involved my best friend (who is married, mind you) making out with a man who was not her husband. I realize she was drunk (she always is),but this dude she was making out with is totally not worth risking her marriage. Her husband is so awesome to her, and such a great guy, AND SHE DID IT RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM!!!!

I don't think he even saw, as he has no clue what happened, and it makes me feel even worse.

THIS SUCKS.