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Thursday December 29, 05
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06:30 PM - 25 not out
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Well that's it. I'm officially no longer young (or not terribly young, anyway).
What have I achieved in a quarter of a century? Not much, really.
I remember being, hmm, eleven, twelvish, and thinking that 25 must be the optimum age to be. I don't know why, but even now it makes sense. Physically you should be at something like your peak, you should have had enough time to learn a few things and develop one's intellect, go to university, hopefully travel a bit and see the world, get yourself a good job, be making money, have your own place, a girl/wife, and, if you're so inclined, a family. I can see now that to pack all that into 25 years, considering you're a child for most of it, would be a tall order, but I can forgive my 11 year old self any such misconceptions. I mean, by 25, if you're going to go somewhere, you should be going there, right?
It hasn't quite worked out that way for me. I think my former self would be disappointed with me.
I would sum up my main achievements as:-
1) Still being alive
2) Getting a good degree
3) Having a reasonable "career" thus far, albeit not what I might have hoped for in terms of achievement or indeed field of work
If pressed, I would probably declare my greatest achievement so far - not including any outrageous feats at Sensible Soccer, Pro Ev or Champ Manager - to be my degree. Unfortunately since every Tom, Dick and Harry has "degrees" these days it doesn't sound very impressive, but it was quite, really. Not from one of these numpty institutions, and not some silly vocational qualification, and not third class either. I'm proud of it. Just a shame I never did anything with it.
My greatest disappointment? Well, my social failings, particularly re the opposite sex, are well enough documented here. My other major disappointment is that I haven't seen much of the world. I used to be (still am, really) tremendously passionate about foreign lands and cultures, and I wish I'd seen some more of them. 2006 will mark the tenth anniversary of my last expedition out of Scotland. (Yes, Scotland. I haven't even been as far as England in a decade.) There is of course still time to see the world, so theoretically I can still do this. But I've never fancied seeing the world on my own. Not so much because I crave companionship but because I wouldn't have a bloody clue what I was doing in a foreign country, even when doing something as simple as getting on a bus. I'd quite happily be clueless along with someone else, but not on my own.
Moving on, my 25th birthday was the usual load of shite. As usual nobody could be be bothered, and I got a record low number of cards. My best mate, for example, didn't get me a card, and for the third year out of four my work colleagues forgot as well. I'm not really that bothered... I mean, years of everybody else not being bothered has conditioned me to think likewise, so "officially" I don't celebrate my birthday. Still, it would undeniably be nice if someone at some point looked like they gave a toss. Is it just the time of year? Or is it that nobody likes me? Hmm...!
In fact every day since Christmas has been pish. I am incredibly bored and am never taking time off work ever again. I don't care that the office is shut, next year I'm going in. I've spent ten hours in bed every day (too cold to get up), then spent the rest of it on the internet or playing computer games. Mind you, time really flies when playing the Sims. I'll be fifty before I know it. Sadly my new Sim appears to be a bit socially retarded like myself, but I didn't model him on me. As for EA Cricket, I thought I'd worked it out with two crushing defeats of the USA in five day matches, but having now tried a test match, it seems I'm shit at bowling after all. And batting. Just as well the CPU does the fielding.
Still, it's not all doom and gloom. My second Christmas night out went very well. It was the whole office one. I went three years ago and didn't bother again until this year. In a rare, possibly never to be repeated, moment of feeling sociable back in July, I agreed to go. Encouraged by the fact the rest of my branch were going. Of course one by one they pulled out, but I still had a good day and even had a few lengthy (by my standards) conversations with some colleagues I didn't really know. I'm sure they probably hated me but were too polite to say. By the end of the evening I was drunk but not too drunk, and in love with a married secretary. But don't worry, that passed by the morning.
One of the reasons it was a much better night than the first one (see previous journal entry) was that it felt more Christmassy. Of course it was a week nearer Christmas, which helps. But they were playing Christmas music in the pub, and ooh, I love Christmas music! Without it - and I mean the pop songs, the standards and the carols - I'd probably like Christmas much less. It's just a shame when you get to the day itself, and you have to put away your records for another fifty weeks.
So that's that, really.
There is one other recent development of note, but I don't even know whether to mention it. Oh, alright, if you insist. My mate split with pub quiz girl after about a massive three weeks. But it was amicable and they are still flirting a lot. Here are my feelings:-
1) For fuck's sake, you ruined my dream for THREE WEEKS??? If you'd really made a go of it, if you'd really cared, I could have got used to it, got over it. But now all you've done is defile my dream woman for the sake of three sodding weeks, you swine!
2) This means she's single! Well, yes, but now off-limits surely. Besides, I said I was going to stop thinking about her. And he's been there. So just stop it.
3) Oh stop flirting the pair of you! Either be friendly, dislike each other, or go out with each other. None of this halfway house lark. It is really annoying me.
So it's still a real bastard of a situation. I still really like this girl - I can't deny that. But it's still all so pointless for numerous reasons. What I need at this juncture is for some beautiful girl who doesn't despise me to come along, however briefly, and take my mind off her. Worked last time I was hung up on someone. Ladies, form an orderly queue.
Feel free to post abusive comments now. I believe I invited you to do so if I ever mentioned her again.
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I can't help you with PQG, but I'd make a good travel mate. Forget the map and compass. We'd make it full circle, somehow, with a good laugh I think. As for PQG, you'll get over her sometime. A wonderful woman will come round one day and you'll completely forget that PQG ever existed. Really. I mean, at least you're not like I was/am with Neo. There's still hope for you. Yes! Now, I am a lost cause, but that's another story - dreadful one at that.
Anyway - if you ever want to email me, I think Jacques has my addy.