i just got back from vacation in the lovely seaside town of Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. i left for a week and i loved it. the weather was drab though. it was hot and very humid. it rained last sunday for an hour and then the humidity came again. it rained mostly at night which was a good thing. i drank everyday but never really got buzzed until the last day i was there(go figure). it is a very lovely city and i recommend for anyone to go there. there were a lot of gay people though(i have nothing against them, i was just surprised to find so many there). i found the most handsome guy at the resort i was staying at. he had beautiful hazel-green eyes and he had a lovely face. he was gay of course. or at least they said he was and then i heard he was bisexual(hey! i did have a chance. ha ha ha!) i took a picture with him which i will treasure forever. ha ha ha. i bought so many t-shirts for the family. i went on a cruise through the bay and did a little snorkeling. i had a great time overall. i love vacations.

i am in a serious dilehma. i think i might be pregnant. i have not uttered a word to anyone except the would-be father. i have no clue what to do. i am stressing very bad. i am so scared. i spent the night at the X's house last weekend and something happened(something broke)and i didn't think much of it. i was suppose to get my monthly notice on thursday and i didn't get anything. i'm just hoping that its the antibiotics that i'm taking that are fucking up my system. i know that they can alter the effectiveness of birth control. i pray that i get it eventually. i know that i'm not ready to be a mother yet. i know..no one is ever ready. there are consequences when you try to enjoy yourself. i am really paying for it now. oh please god! i can't be..i just can't!

Betty

i have no idea what to do. i've been 'seeing' the X for a little more than a year and there are times that i know i care for him and really want to be with him. i think of him constantly when i'm not with him. then there are days when i could care less about him. i am so torn. i guess there is still part of me who wants to be with him but i know that's beyond impossible. its actually inconcievable. how things ended before were disastrous. i try to move on and i try to find someone else but i always compare them. what the hell is wrong with me. i don't know what it is about him. he has great charisma. ha ha ha. that sounds so stupid. these 'no-strings attached' relationships never work out. someones feelings always come into the mix. its really terrible and i don't recommend it to anyone.

Valentine's Day SUCKS,
Betty ;)

i thought that i had finally found a very cool boy to finally de-void my relationship with the male specie. i was totally WRONG!! i had met this boy and he seemed really cool. or so i thought. we had great conversations and i thought things were going great. geez i feel like such an idiot. he turned out to be a big asshole. he was very arrogant(something i did not see before)and his demeanor was utterly horrendous. i was so pissed. i just didn't give a fuck anymore. i feel so dumb for wasting my time :(

hoping to find my favorite boy,
Betty :(

damn! it's been awhile since i last wrote in this thing. i haven't been up to much anyway. the holidays came and went and i am so happy that they went. i really don't like christmas. Ba-Hum-Bug!

new years: i went to a party(actually two but we got kicked out of the first one)and it was alright. i didn't drink because i had to drive. it was a mellow night nothing like i expected it to be.

relationship w/male specie: HUMONGOUS VOID;taking numbers!*how depressing :( *

i can't wait for the Moz album to come out!! YIP-PEE!!

dancing in heaven,
Betty ;)

that color coordination is so delightful. i really like it. its the new black. i also find that pink/gray, pink/brown is also invigorating. i thought i would just share that with everyone out there. can't you tell that i'm having a mah-velous time at work. yeah right.

so i am going to Vegas next month. i cannot wait. my fingers have been itching to gamble since i came back from the last time that i went(june).

halloween: i am not going to any parties. i really don't feel like spending any moo-lah on a costume this year. i will be going to six flags magic mountain. i can't wait to get on the rides and be spooked in their monster mazes.

relationship w/male specie: big fat VOID.

my friend called me this morning and told me about her date last night. she went out with this guy and told me how much of a great time she had with him. she gets them all the time. i feel so utterly alone. i have not gone out on a date since june. can't find anyone to sweep me away. ha ha ha. but i'll keep my eyes open.

music: (what i've been listening to lately) classic rock. i've realized that the radio stations in L.A. suck, not that Orange County can make up for it anyway. But the only stations i do listen to are Arrow and KLOS and KCRW.

t.v: i hate T.V. i rarely watch it and only do when i want to watch 'Sorority Life' on MTV(i know, i know, BAD betty!) or a really good movie,i.e, 'Philadelphia' on Bravo(which was on last night) i also watch LATV almost every night when i get a chance. i think VJ Giovanny is so cute ;) i also like watching Rok-a-Mole, they play good videos and some english ones like the White Stripes.

so no more news from me. i guess this is sorta an update. not really though. i just wanted to classify some things. i'm going to the movies tonight. i want to see Mystic River w/Sean Penn and Kevin Bacon, heard its suppose to be really good. we'll see.

As If,
Betty

What a terrible day it has been so far.....

i am so tired. and i mean TIRED!! i have been losing so much sleep the last few weeks. i have these big bags under my eyes and it seems like i can never make up that lost sleep. it doesn't help either that i go out and stay out late when i should be getting sleep because i work the next day. i hate it.

so anyway i have been really upset the past few days. left and right people are telling me that i'm too quiet and shy. that i need to change. 'they' say that i'm on the 'sidelines when i should be in the game'. come on people, this is the way i am. i mean i hate being told that all the time. and just yesterday i found out that my boss told one of my co-workers that i was uptight. excuse me bitch! she's an old hag. i guess she's just mad because i'm the only one that doesn't kiss her ass. why should i? i get paid to do my job, hey if i would get paid to kiss her ass then i would do it in a heartbeat. but back to what i was saying...i don't want people to think that i'm stuck up because i am not. i mean i try but its hard for me. i try to get in the conversations but i feel that people will think i'm being nosy. my friend told me that i shouldn't care what anyone thinks. i try to follow that motto but something from my childhood must've stuck with me and molded me the way that i am. i can't help it. i can't change now after 24 years of living. i mean i can but.. why? i'm pretty happy with the way i am. although i think being the way that i am has kept me from having a boyfriend. that's another thing, its hard for me to talk to a guy. i get shy about things and i SUCK AT FLIRTING. there are just people out there that it comes naturally to them. i don't have it and i can't flaunt it. AAAUUUGGHHHHHH!!! why can't people accept me the way that i am. i'm not out there telling them that they are too loud and boisterous, or to keep the flirting down to a minimum, No! i accept them the way that they are. i have friends, i am very friendly and i do like to meet new people. i am shy and quiet at times, but JESUS-CHRIST!! that's the way that i am. take it or leave it. and FUCK-OFF to those that don't like it(sorry, i just am so frustrated!). Who gives a fuck anyway.

i went and saw the WHITE STRIPES on Sept 24th. i must say that it was an amazing show. GREAT! SOLEDAD BROS. opened up for them(they were good too, had great guitar riffs) and also HOT HOT HEAT(they sound exactly as they do on CD) then the STRIPES came out. i can't believe that JACK broke his hand because it didn't seem like it. HE played so great as did his 'sister' MEG. i love the way they kind of battle it out. he plays a guitar riff and then she pounds on the drums and they go back and forth. DAMNIT! it was EXHILIRATING! can't wait to see them again.

ok people, so i would like to end with a quote if i could think of a good one but i can't. i wish i knew of something that could just sum up all the feelings that i'm feeling. but i can't think of one. if i do, i'll be coming back and posting it later.

Toodles!
Betty

P/S..so many cuties that i saw last night. i went to this theme park(KNOTT'S for those who know) and i saw so many cute guys ;)

i feel so shitty. i feel tired and at the same time i feel so sick. so i received a call this morning from *ahem* the X. i know, i know, i mentioned before in another entry that i would not speak of him again. but he called me. he asked me if we wanted to 'do something' tonight. i really don't feel like it. but i know how i am and i know that next week i will be writing how i spent the night with him. i can't believe that i have let myself fall this low. i am really terribly angry with myself. i guess that's why i feel so shitty. i seriously don't know what to with myself. seek some professional help? commit myself? ha ha ha. but seriously i want some professional help. i don't feel too good about myself. its pretty sad but that's the only outlet that i have. maybe they can tell me what's wrong with me and why i let these things happen to me. WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?!?! i feel so mentally ill. please people don't think i'm crazy. i guess i just think to much. that's what people have always told me, they say, hey betty stop thinking so much, or they'll say, hey betty, stop thinking! is it possible to think way too much. maybe that's what's wrong with me lately. that fucker did it to me. get over yourself betty!!!

can anyone help,
betty

i am so tired and sleepy. i've also been stressing out so much. i hate it. i need a new job desperately. i hate where i work now. there are way too many females in this office and along with that comes too much drama. so here goes my problem.

i had(keyword:HAD)a co-worker who was a good friend of mine. things went sour and i don't know why. i came in this past monday and she did not talk to me at all the whole day. ok, i thought to myself, is she mad at me or what? this former friend would tell me everything. i was her confidant. we would hang out a lot. she would tell me her problems with her men and i would listen and give her advice. well another co-worker of mine was very jealous of the relationship that my former friend and i had. she is 30 years old and is a married woman. she told my former friend that she was jealous. i laughed. she makes it seem like were still in high school. come on lady! grow up! so now she's tremendously happy that my former pal and i are not talking as well as we should. i could care less. they probably think i'm dying of jealousy and i'm not. you might think i am also but i'm not. its just a problem that i've been having over the last few days and i'm spilling the beans here. its funny because my former gal-pal told me that she could not trust this 30-year-old going on 15 friend. ha ha ha. what a hypocrite my former friend is.

so that's my little problem. like i said i could care less. i am looking for a new job. i need a little bit of testosterone in the mix. it's too much drama with women. why? anyway after i'm done doing this little entry i am going to start looking for jobs. wish me luck!!

always a lady,
Betty