Tonight I regress and I sit here listening to Death in June. I'm not sure where this man is coming from but he has an undeniably beautiful voice and he takes me back to a time that brings revulsion and awe at the same time. A time that I would gladly revisit but only for a short while. Sometimes one must discard the ideology and embrace the beautiful end that comes of it. For now I choose to ignore the possible creep that sings these words, and concentrate on the delights of another age, just as I do with Moz at times.
It's all fetishism, for all of us. It's got nothing to do with race. It's all sexual.

It's been so long since I last wrote. Life has changed so much. I cannot wait to get out of this town.
I just haven't been the same since last summer. It's so difficult to do anything. Things that were once easy and a joy are nothing but worrisome and shameful. I have dreams I shouldn't have in a language that is all too new to me. It repulses me. I don't understand myself.

I've been procrastinating my paper grading by watching Klaus Nomi videos on youtube. Adorable. I just don't tire of him. Horribly tragic.

In other news...I am soon off to the Motherland...again. It's okay though, I hear she's having a warm spell...of course it will end by the time I arrive.

What Power art thou,
Who from below,
Hast made me rise,
Unwillingly and slow,
From beds of everlasting snow!

See'st thou not how stiff,
And wondrous old,
Far unfit to bear the bitter cold.

I can scarcely move,
Or draw my breath,
I can scarcely move,
Or draw my breath.

Let me, let me,
Let me, let me,
Freeze again...
Let me, let me,
Freeze again to death!

I'm sleepy drunk. 2 in the morning up since seven, two vodka drinks later drunk. I'm feeling very relaxed...and with all the work I have to do this weekend. Went out for drinks with fellow students, trying to figure out if I'm on the same page as any of them. Ahhh...these thing take time. five to seven, eight years with them...we'll see how it turns out. I miss my friends back home...
I'm going to be dizzy when I wake up tomorrow...I'm a wimp.

I've just realized there is a new Bing Selfish album out. If only I weren't such a poor student.

As for the paper...I think it is giving me a case of brain fever.

The writing is coming along slowly. Of course I am using this journal as a means to procrastinate. How I wish I had more time. Either way, I know that by 3:00 tomorrow morning this will hopefully be done. The chocolate's made me sleepy and there's nothing I would enjoy more right now than a nice nap.

have to clear my mind. There is so much to write but it is all so nebulous. I have this nervous energy but it is going nowhere.

I dreamt of an old friend last night and the tears were real. I have a knack for severing relationships. I am very harsh that way.

Right now I am left with an Idiot and I don't know what to do with him. It's rather difficult to get something good down when his own creator failed in his task. There is only so much time for mine and the clock is ticking.

What a glorious autumnal night. Yet I must stay in and write.

I want to be constrained.

i live on the second floor.
I can hear someone scurrying around in the attic. I hope it's an animal.

i am being attacked by kitties...and their deadly weapon is love.

It's such a lonely sound when all is quiet and you hear a plane fly over.