them: Are you the telephone account holder?

me: Who's asking?

them: We're your mobile phone company and we have some offers for you. Can you confirm your name?

me: Yes. I can confirm that i've got one.

them: What is it?

me: You're phoning me to make me some offers and you don't have my name?

them: We have it, but we can't say it.

me: Is it a magic secret?

them: Er... No... data protection.

me: But i'm constantly being told to keep my details to myself, and now you want me to give my name to a stranger.

them: what about your address?

me: Perhaps I should just give you my bank details and password.

them: We only ask for that if you decide to take up the offer.

me: I was joking. You were really going to ask for my bank details?

them: I hate my job.

me: Can't you work somewhere else?

them: No one last here very long.

me: I take it that whatever you were going to offer me is some kind of rip off?

them: You're not going to give me any of your details are you?

me: It's unlikely. I could give you a false name if you like?

them: Don't worry about it. I think i'm going to resign.

me: Yeah?

them: It's depressing being told to fuck off all day every day.

me: Well, best of luck mate.

them: Cheers, I'm Andrew.

me: I'm... aw you nearly got me then.

Them: (laughs)

me: Right, fuck off then.

Them: (laughs)

WE HANG UP.

(This is from memory.... so may be inaccurate in some ways.)