Liverpool FC Jokes

Discussion in 'Off-topic archive (read-only)' started by Jukebox Jury, Jan 15, 2010.

  1. Jukebox Jury

    Jukebox Jury Retired

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    A kid was walking down the street, when a car pulls up alongside him.
    ''I'll give you £10 and a bag of sweets if you get in the car'' the man said.
    ''No chance'' said the kid.
    ''Well what about £20 and a bag of sweets?'' the man offered.
    ''Look dad, f**k off, I'm not going with you to watch that shite at Anfield today'':D

    Jukebox Jury
     
  2. Jukebox Jury

    Jukebox Jury Retired

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    Players and staff from Liverpool went to Alderhey Childrens Hospital today to visit the children on the wards.
    ''It was great to just to put a smile on the face of those less fortunate than us and who face an uncertain future'', said James, aged 7 of Bootle.

    Jukebox Jury
     
  3. Jukebox Jury

    Jukebox Jury Retired

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    Liverpool FC's games are now being shown live on Gay TV.
    Sky felt that the sight of 11 arseholes getting hammered for 90 minutes was just too explicit for their viewers:eek:

    Jukebox Jury
     
    Last edited: Jan 15, 2010
  4. Lucky_Lisp

    Lucky_Lisp New Member

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    Someone's a little bit obsessed. A whole thread dedicated to Liverpool FC, for you to indulge in your obsession, interesting.
     
  5. Superhans

    Superhans Banned

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    I hear someofusisturningnasty has become too embarrassed to support Liverpool anymore. :D
     
  6. Irish Budd

    Irish Budd Oh well.Enough said.

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    Read em and weep : :thumb:

    THE CHAMPIONSHIP
    18 times
    English record
    1900/01, 1905/06, 1921/22, 1922/23, 1946/47, 1963/64, 1965/66, 1972/73, 1975/76, 1976/77, 1978/79, 1979/80, 1981/82, 1982/83, 1983/84, 1985/86, 1987/88, 1989/90

    EUROPEAN CHAMPIONS
    5 times
    British record
    1976/77 3-1 vs. Borussia Mönchengladbach
    1977/78 1-0 vs. Club Brugge
    1980/81 1-0 vs. Real Madrid
    1983/84 1-1 (4-2 in penalty shootout) vs. AS Roma
    2004/05 3-3 (3-2 in penalty shootout) vs. AC Milan

    UEFA CUP WINNERS
    3 times
    British record
    1972/73, 1975/76, 2000/01

    FA CUP WINNERS
    7 times
    1964/65, 1973/74, 1985/86, 1988/89, 1991/92, 2000/01, 2005/06

    LEAGUE CUP WINNERS
    7 times
    English record
    1980/81, 1981/82, 1982/83, 1983/84, 1994/95, 2000/01, 2002/03

    EUROPEAN SUPER CUP WINNERS
    3 times
    British record
    1977, 2001, 2005

    CHARITY SHIELD WINNERS
    15 times
    1963/64+, 1964/65+, 1965/66, 1973/74, 1975/76, 1976/77+, 1978/79, 1979/80, 1981/82, 1985/86*, 1987/88, 1988/89, 1989/90, 2000/01, 2006/07

    SUPER CUP WINNERS
    Once
    1985/86

    OTHER TROPHIES

    Football League Second Division Champions 4

    1893/94, 1895/96, 1904/05, 1961/62

    Lancashire League Champions 1

    1892-93

    FA Youth Cup Winners 2

    1995/96, 2005/06

    Reserves Division One Winners 16

    1956/57, 1968/69, 1969/70, 1970/71, 1972/73, 1973/74, 1974/75, 1975/76, 1976/77, 1978/79, 1980/81, 1981/82, 1983/84, 1984/85, 1989/90, 1999/2000
     
  7. Superhans

    Superhans Banned

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    Glory hunter ^
     
  8. Jukebox Jury

    Jukebox Jury Retired

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    Obsessed?:squiffy:
    Not really, I just received the jokes as text messages and thought I'd post them here for others to laugh at.

    Thanks, I didn't realise 'you' had won the reserves league 16 times. I shall sleep better knowing that.
    Congratualtions on a great history. But that means nothing right now. It doesn't get you in the 4th round of the FA Cup, or the semi finals of the League Cup, the final stages of the Chumps League and nor does it guarentee 'you' a top 4 place in the Prem come May.
    So enjoy your evening and rather than sit there contemplating whether this is the worst Liverpool team ever over the past 50 years, just get the DVD out and watch those 15 charity shield victories with red tinted specs:lbf:

    Jukebox Jury
     
  9. lainey

    lainey Active Member

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    :thumb:
    You are the same as Tony Wilson, jealous and envious of Liverpool. He lightened up in the last years of his life though and said alot of generous things about Tate Liverpool been inspirational and the only reason London were allowed to follow. He also praised the free music festivals that are put on in the streets every year, saying thats what Manchester should be doing, but before all this he was very bitter.
     
  10. Jukebox Jury

    Jukebox Jury Retired

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    pardon me for bringing this to your attention, but I think you will find another Lancashire club has also won the Championship / Premier League 18 times (and that's a fact:thumb:)

    Another fact is that Liverpool have never won the title since the back pass to the goalie (who could then pick the ball up) was banned:lbf:

    Jukebox Jury
     
  11. Jukebox Jury

    Jukebox Jury Retired

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    er, what's that got to do with Liverpool FC?
    This thread isn't about the Tate, music festivals etc etc. I have no problem with that or the city of Liverpool, tourist atttractions and it's inhabitants.
    It's about having a laugh at the expense of Liverpool FC - who at the moment are a joke. The Yank owners, Spanish waiter manager, players who don't know the meaning of the words ''This Is Anfield''. Or do you disagree?:squiffy:

    Jukebox Jury
     
  12. lainey

    lainey Active Member

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    My interested in your obsession with all things Liverpool!!!!!!

    I love and respect Rafa Benitez and I am completely uninterested in your crappy jokes.
    I'm too bored to even read them.
     
  13. Hellie

    Hellie Lost

    Who makes these jokes up?:rolleyes:They must have a serious amount of time on their hands.:rolleyes::straightface:
     
  14. Jukebox Jury

    Jukebox Jury Retired

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    Come on....we all know you read them:thumb:
    Love and respect Rafa:squiffy:
    Take away one night in Istanbul five years ago..... would you be saying the same thing?

    They are the same jokes recycled every year.... just the name of the club usually changes each year...... this year it is Liverpool:lbf:
    Of course, Scousers, with their (self declared) legendary sense of humour will take it all in good fun.....wont you lainey:thumb:

    Jukebox Jury
     
  15. Moonbeam

    Moonbeam Slackerbitch

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    Let's not talk about that....
     
  16. lainey

    lainey Active Member

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    Thieves broke into Maine Road last night & stole something from every room except the canteen. That's why they left without any cups.
     
  17. lainey

    lainey Active Member

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    What do Man City Fans and sperm have in common? One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
     
  18. Lucky_Lisp

    Lucky_Lisp New Member

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    For comedy value these 'jokes' are lacking in humour and nothing new. (if you're going to tell some jokes at least remember the comedy element) However, I suppose we should be flattered by the attention; actually devoting time from your life to consider Liverpool FC, we're honoured.
     
  19. Moonbeam

    Moonbeam Slackerbitch

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    :(

    Don't be mean
     
  20. lainey

    lainey Active Member

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    JJ started it!!!!!!

    Emmanuel Adebayor risked the wrath of Manchester City fans by conducting a television interview wearing an Arsenal T-shirt.

    The City striker appeared on Sky Sports news to describe the horrific events in Angloa last Friday night when Togo's team bus was attacked by gunmen.

    Three officials were killed and several players injured in the attack - prompting Togo to withdraw from the African Cup of Nations.

    Adebayor, who has been given leave by City to spend time with his family following the tragedy, looked clearly traumatised as he spoke to a tv interviewer.

    My advice is that man city fans should focus on there own team, their own players and their own problems.
    what happened to the Togo team is truely shocking. Liverpool having a bad season is for us to contend with. Man city nearly having a player killed is a more worthy of your time. He is your player.
     
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