Let Me Clear This Up...

  • Thread starter CrushedRoseGoesSplat!
  • Start date
C

CrushedRoseGoesSplat!

Guest
People have been making all kinds of charges about Morrissey's love life. Since I have been privileged enough to have sat tubside at a few of Morrissey's baths, I would like to clear something up. Someone has charged that at some point, Morrissey couldn't be reached, he was rumored to have committed suicide, and Howie Klein said that he was actually on an island with his boyfriend, whoever that may have been. But I must say that is entirely untrue. On those occasions when Morrissey has vanished from the public view, he has been at my house, taking a bath, and eating chocolate mousse. He has never mentioned a lover to me at all. I am under the impression that he is closest to his cats, who actually answer his phones for him. I have not been able to get through to Morrissey to ask him if there is truth in what you're all alleging, or to schedule another bath for him at my house, basically because I'm on the outs with the tabby, JakeMyLove. I'm not sure how I got on that cat's @#!!!list, but it's been a few months of tension gone by, I can tell you. Maybe it had something to do with that post from months ago that I wrote, something about shooting the tires of Morrissey's limo, dragging him back to my house, and tying him to the bed?...In any case, if the situation changes, and my messages are actually passed on to Morrissey again, I'll be sure to let you all know what I find out.

Signed,
The Eternal Slave of Mr. Bubble,
CrushedRoseGoesSplat!
 
Let me smear this up.

> People have been making all kinds of charges about Morrissey's¿ love life. Since I have been privileged enough to have sat¿ tubside at a few of Morrissey's baths,

That is a complete lie!

You keep twirling your hair, that's how I know.

I would like to clear¿ something up. Someone has charged that at some point, Morrissey¿ couldn't be reached, he was rumored to have committed suicide,

No that was another rumor regarding someone else.

You've confused the two.¿ and Howie Klein said that he was actually on an island with his¿ boyfriend,

Are you... wait... are you implying that he is... you know... homo-sex-yooal?

whoever that may have been. But I must say that is¿ entirely untrue. On those occasions when Morrissey has vanished¿ from the public view, he has been at my house,

More lies!

How could he have been at your house when I, myself sold him into prostitution to the Thailand government

taking a bath,¿ and eating chocolate mousse. He has never mentioned a lover to¿ me at all.

Did you really expect him to.

I mean, think about it.

He's supposedly at your house taking a bath, and getting free dessert and he's going to ruin it by mentioning another lover?

I am under the impression that he is closest to his¿ cats,

No, his uncle Lewis.

who actually answer his phones for him. I have not been¿ able to get through to Morrissey to ask him if there is truth in¿ what you're all alleging,

That he made a shoddy album in Maladjusted?

I think that's more a matter of opinion.¿or to schedule another bath for him at¿ my house,

Do you guys ever plan on taking a shower together.

This whole bath thing is rather silly, and it doesn't get you very clean.

Besides, how could his head fit in that bath tub.

basically because I'm on the outs with the tabby,¿ JakeMyLove.

That's strange, because that is the name of a guy he was romored to have been living with.

It all makes sense now.¿I'm not sure how I got on that cat's @#!!! list,

Well, all I can tell you is that the list is compiled annually by the U.S. government to determine which people are most likely to die of old age.

The results thus far are inconclusive.

I don't know what the cat has to do with it, but that's what I deferred.¿ but it's been a few months of tension gone by, I can tell you.¿ Maybe it had something to do with that post from months ago that¿ I wrote, something about shooting the tires of Morrissey's limo,¿ dragging him back to my house, and tying him to the bed?...In¿ any case, if the situation changes, and my messages are actually¿ passed on to Morrissey again, I'll be sure to let you all know¿ what I find out.

Don't bohter. I have this sneaking suspicion that you are making this all up.

If not, I apologize for calling you a liar.

But I think I know what you are trying to accomplish here.

And if you think we are going to be fooled into purchasing you herbal products, think again sweetheart.¿ Signed,¿ The Eternal Slave of Mr. Bubble,¿ CrushedRoseGoesSplat!

You're his slave?!!!

I met him once.

A funny guy.
 
I Love You, Mr. So & So

... And I always have...
 
I've never had a talent for happiness.

Oh, love shmove!

Who cares about love?!

You still didn't answer any of the questions in my reply!

Now "Mutilated Magnolias" I am going to ask you this very calmly; very slowly and very clearly

Did you or did you not club one Steven Patrick Morrissey over the head with an album cover, and snap polaroids of him unwantedly imitating himself?

Did you or did you not heartlessly tie his shoe-laces together, and stick a saucer of tea across the room so he would then get up, trip and fall, and you could sale the tape to low-life internet bootleggers?

Did you or did you not make him dawn elf slippers so as to perpetrate his already nagging Leprechaunish image?

And did you or did you not chop up his body and stick it in a suitcase?

-S&S
 
Re: I've never had a talent for happiness.

> Oh, love shmove!¿ Who cares about love?!¿ You still didn't answer any of the questions in my reply!¿ Now "Mutilated Magnolias" I am going to ask you this¿ very calmly; very slowly and very clearly¿ Did you or did you not club one Steven Patrick Morrissey over¿ the head with an album cover, and snap polaroids of him¿ unwantedly imitating himself?¿ Did you or did you not heartlessly tie his shoe-laces together,¿ and stick a saucer of tea across the room so he would then get¿ up, trip and fall, and you could sale the tape to low-life¿ internet bootleggers?¿ Did you or did you not make him dawn elf slippers so as to¿ perpetrate his already nagging Leprechaunish image?¿ And did you or did you not chop up his body and stick it in a¿ suitcase?¿ -S&S

Umm.......no. I'm afraid I'm just not that empowered. I got out of bed this morning, though, and I'm still congratulating myself for the feat. And your right about the whole love thing...but only just about that.
 
Back
Top Bottom