To Miss Elusive: My account of the Moz Ontario gathering.

[Mr. So&So]

It was to be like no other day before.

Me, dressed snazzily in my short skirt and cowboy boots, with a touch of smeared lipstick to repel the boys.

So many months I had waited for this moment to arrive, and I could think of no other better occasion to celebrate the birthday of the man I adore, Morrissey, than on the day he was born.

Not only that, but I was too engage this festivity with a person I have so desperately been waiting to encounter.

Someone who only the people of a particular planet have had the pleasure of knowing.

I planned it carefully, strategically.

For many many months I sat in my room, quiet and disciplined, constructing every possible scenario of how our inagural encounter would unfold.

Even my family beacame concerned with this suddenly intense dedication to my desktop.

Mother assumed I was studying for a bar tending exam, and I thus felt pressure to litter the room with half empty liquor bottles, and shot glasses; which in turn lead to a temporary drinking problem, but that's a whole other story.

Anyway, back to my account.

I knew her guard would be down at such a intimate event, and I wasted no time in presuading her to arrive by letter.

We met just oustiside the entrance to the gathering, and gazed at each other curiously as I shyfully dug a silver flask from my coat pocket and asked if she liked to drink.

She said no.

After a moment of understandably awkward silence, I then stated that we should make our way inside to mingle with other suspected Morrissey fans present.

As we entered, I looked out at the number of people who were present at this event, and quickly took note of all the possible surfaces we could have sex upon.

Shaking nervosuly from the effects of drunkenness, I looked her drowzily in the eye and asked if she would care for some punch.

She said no.

Feeling pressure to be more than just boring and a bit frightenig, I took her by the hand placed a kiss just behind her ear.

She looked up at me carefully and slowly smiled.

I knew at this moment that my many months of studious debauchery were now coming to fruition.

The plan was working, and I could feel myself growing increasingly excited and brazen; but sorrowfully a bit nauseous as well.

Gaining confidence, I swiftly took her into my arms and made my way to the table where the punch bowl and "Zest" crackers lay.

Placing her atop the table, I began to relieve myself of my restrictive skirt and cumbersome cowboy boots as I smiled wryfully at the people staring at us in curious disbelief.

I then began ripping her clothes madly from her small frame, and proceeded to smother her body with soft kisses as she giggled with delight.

Writhing daringly atop the tremulous table, we felt no shame in our persistent pants and groans that seemed to distract anyone looking to obtain some punch or a dill pickle.

Finally, in our respective moments of pleasure we managed to give way the legs that supported this lustful platform, and sent ourselves crashing swiftly to the floor.

Now drenched in sour cream and salsa, we casually redressed, and gave one last lickerish smile as we made our way, arm in arm, through the sea of shocked and envious expressions.

This really happened.

I swear.

Ask... that guy.

 

[Teletubby With A Penis]

Sex Sux

Thank you, Mr. So & So, for reminding me why I shun intimacy. Sex is boring hippy @#!!!, and further, it necessitates you shaving your legs for someone who ultimately won't give a damn. I mean, no one ever feels your leg and goes, "Oh, look what you did for me. How sweet." If it was expected of men in our society that they shave their legs to get some, you better believe that anyone who didn't say at least that much would be on their @#!!! list.
People between the ages of twelve and death are tedious and boring in their pursuit of the ultimate orgasm. Now, I'm going to sleep.

 

[Miss Elusive]

Hello sexy cowboy,
That night really did happen didn't it?
I almost thought it was a dream until I awoke today and took in your lovely scent still dancing on my flesh.
Until we meet again -
Miss Elusive aka The girl from Mars

 

[Mr. So&So]

Those who can, do.

>Thank you, Mr. So & So, for reminding me why I shun
intimacy. Sex is boring hippy @#!!! , and further, it
necessitates you shaving your legs for someone who ultimately
won't give a damn.

First and foremost you are welcome.

It really is a good feeling to know that I am keeping someone cloisterd.

And Mutilated Magnolias, I am sure there is a man lurking somewhere in this dim world that would appreciate you shaving your legs for him.

In fact I am positive there is a man in this world willing to shave his legs for you as well.

But he might not be interested in sex.¿I mean, no one ever feels your leg and goes,¿ "Oh, look what you did for me. How sweet."

Ok try this:

Don't shave your legs for a few months, then when you finally do shave your legs he will realize that he took adavantage of you always having them shaved before; thus making him appreciate the actual sleekness of them.¿If it was¿ expected of men in our society that they shave their legs to get¿ some, you better believe that anyone who didn't say at least¿ that much would be on their @#!!! list.

Trust me my penis envied friend, if that was required of all males in our society to do in order to have sex, I guarantee you you would have a lot men walking around with smooth and silky legs.

In fact, I don't think there would be one requirement that would have them hesitant in their pursuit of sexual satisfaction.

I'm pretty sure a lot of men shave their legs in prison, in hopes that Stanley or Lester might find them more appealing. ¿ People between the ages of twelve and death are tedious and¿ boring in their pursuit of the ultimate orgasm. Now, I'm going¿ to sleep.

I think the pursuit is for a perpetual orgasm, not an ultimate one.

It would still only last a few seconds.

Goodnight Bludgeoned Petunias!

Wet -- I mean sweet dreams!

Your frustrated sex thrapist,
So&So

 

[affected]

>I'd rather have some tea

 

[kakarot]

i knew their was a good reason for me to travel up to ontario....regret sucks... oh and i always appreciate it when my gf shaves her legs..and i let her now it


morrissey friends