The Morrissey Smiths Disco, Manchester, this Friday (2nd February)

[S&G]

Hello,

Here is some info about the above which will go some way to saving some of you the cost of a phone call, the bother of writing an email, or to avoid any silly bother on Friday night;

There are no advance tickets on sale.
It costs £4 at the door to get in and £5 after midnight (there are no concessions).
The night runs from 9pm-2.30am, but the doors close (and there is no admittance) after 12.30am.
It is quite normal for a queue of 50 or more to form before we actually open, so you are advised to turn up as early as possible.
Once the building is full then we will operate a one-in-one-out policy until the doors close at 12.30am.
Queue time is an hour (usually more).

Finally, for those who wish to avoid tired old cliches, please avoid saying the following at the door if you arrive to a queue;

"Oh come on, please let me in.
Oh come on, I/We're only little
Oh come on, there's only (1,2,3,4...) of us
Oh come on, we're no trouble
I'm Morrissey's biggest fan
I'm The Smiths biggest fan
I'm this nights biggest fan
I've been coming here for years
I promote this night
I know the DJ
I once asked the DJ to DJ at my wedding (in Vegas)
I know the DJs parents
Oh come on, there's people in there who weren't even born when The Smiths fist album came out and I've seen them 3 times
But my friends are in there
But my friends are in there and they just sent me a message saying it's empty
But it's my birthday
But it's my friends birthday
But I/We've travelled all the way from (anywhere outside Manchester)
People actually queue for this? How long do you think I'll have to queue?
You won't let me in because I'm gay
If I was gay you'd let me in
I don't care about a tribute band anyway
I can't believe you're turning down money over the bar
Your pub is shit anyway, I'll just go somewhere else that plays The Smiths
I'm not paying to get in a pub anyway
Let me in and I'll be your best friend
Do you know who I am?
Do you know where I work?
Do you think I won't speak to some people at the council and get you closed down?
The DJ is playing too much Morrissey
The DJ is playing too much Smiths
Go and throw someone out and let me in
There's load of drunk people in there - go and ask them to leave
I am not drunk"

Etc, etc...

See you Friday, bright and early

[markinmanc]

You forgot the 'I know someone in the licencing dept' one. That wa a few months ago when some tool kicked the door and ended up knocking over his girlfriend. I'm sure he took credit for the capacity as well.

[Jukebox Jury]

I think you should plug the free car park as well.

In fact, anyone hopping onto a train from Piccadilly Station - the car park is free in the day time as well!

By the way, it is a Smiths / Morrissey night, not the other way round.
The Smiths always come first.

Jukebox Jury

[S&G]

I think you should plug the free car park as well.

In fact, anyone hopping onto a train from Piccadilly Station - the car park is free in the day time as well!

By the way, it is a Smiths / Morrissey night, not the other way round.
The Smiths always come first.

Jukebox Jury

The Car Park is only free to customers during opening hours (ie - night time).
During the day (when we're not open) it's only open to staff or permit holders - the signs on the walls explain it all, including the £60 fine for parking without permission.

It's also been called the Morrissey Smiths Disco for about 13 years. Sorry if that upsets you, but it shouldn't really.

[mspendl828]

By the way, it is a Smiths / Morrissey night, not the other way round.
The Smiths always come first.

Hmm... I may have to rant about this to you on Friday

It is the Morrissey Smiths Disco. Not the Smiths Morrissey Disco.

For it to be a Smiths Morrissey Disco there would really need to be tracks by the other members of the Smiths. Thank God so far I am yet to hear any Johnny Marr + the Healers 'classics' or anything from Joyce's old punk band (who were astonishingly bad even for a garage punk band based on what they recorded).

And the best cliche is the "I'm the biggest Smiths fan in the world and if you let me in I'll prove it!" I've always thought that one was brilliant.

[mbb321]

S&G is right in what he/she says, i offered to clean the windows to get into Smile and this fell on deaf ears. I had the bucket and shammy ready, but that was preparation for any unfortunate incidents. In fact, this pitiful attempt got me into all sorts of bother, such as being tempted by the doorman with Guiness and the usual jokes about being a blue.

After a 30 minute wait though we entered and had a belter. The cloakroom has not looked brighter with Essex in there, she will be getting a well earned tip from me on friday. And for those who know me as a sleazy South Manchester player, this will be in the form of monetary value and not one of my famous one liners!

I feel ashamed i've written so much complete tripe (threw that Yorkshire reference in for you Lilybett) and most of it is about Smile which i have attended twice, what's happening to Deano? Eh, Eh?!?

[Jukebox Jury]

Hmm... I may have to rant about this to you on Friday

It is the Morrissey Smiths Disco. Not the Smiths Morrissey Disco.

Please do rant away..... I think (and not trying to sound patronising at all) it is an age thing. The'oldies' like me say Smiths, the 'youngies' say Morrissey.
Friends my age always say 'are you going to The Smiths night at the S'n'G' - rarely do they say 'are you going to the Morrissey night..'

Buy me a drink of Hydes Bitter and we shall discuss....

Jukebox Jury

[S&G]

We've nothing new to report, we just wanted to bump this message to the top of the board in a shameless-plug kind of way.

See you Friday. Early. Wear a big coat, etc etc.

[mbb321]

Is Essex working (sorry, i've forgotten her name), and my favourite barmaids upstairs? Replace the tip jars with buckets, The Morrissey Smiths Disco is coming to town!