I want to know about your living arrangements....

[Constantine]

Do you live with someone? Is it always hard?

Have you ever lived with someone?

More importantly have you ever lived with someone and then completely regretted it because said person becomes an annoyance?

Or is this just normal? E.g. do you always regret moving in with someone till you get used to it?

Spill, Spill, Spill

I need help

[Trouble loves me]

In what way do you need help? Are you considering moving in with a friend or a partner?

Mine is a student experience, but it still entails sharing my space with people. I lived with 4 guys for three years, and it was fabulous up until the point where i slept with one who i knew liked me. Then in my typically indecisive way, i couldn't agree to a relationship. So the next few months were a mixture of us being the best of friends, then the worst of enemies ... and often communicating by hastily scribbled apologies slipped beneath one another's bedroom doors. When the whole arrangement finally came to an end and he left the country (nothing to do with me, i hasten to add) he cut me out of his life (i was angry, but i understood). However, in the last month or so, he's reignited our friendship, which i'm very pleased about because we were incredibly close.

As for other annoyances involving co-habitation, the only thing that springs to my mind is the washing up. But i firmly believe that guys don't actually see mess, so when the kitchen was strewn with dirty plates and every bit of cutlery encrusted with dried food, i had to bite the bullet, put the marigolds (and some Morrissey) on, and wash up.

I've never regretted living with those guys though; from a female point of view, i'd rather share with guys than girls. All i will say is, never leave a grievance unsaid, just use a bit of tact when saying it ... and if communication does become too difficult, a letter might seem like a cop-out, but in the end, it always cleared the air with us.

I don't think sharing your living quarters is a bad thing at all, it can seem a bit daunting at first, but just use your head when it comes to considering the other person e.g. do they need a bit of space? / what might i have done to upset them? / what can i do or say to cheer them up? Treat them how you would want to be treated and really, nothing can go so wrong that it can't be fixed.

I'm sure you'll be fine.

[Constantine]

While your story hasnt really helped my own it was a very interesting read, thank you.

I’m living with my girlfriend, her best friend and my best friend. The friends are fine, they are easy to communicate with, don’t cause a fuss and very happy mostly.

My girlfriend however has spasms of being a real pain......it takes the smallest thing to set her off and then everything comes crashing down like it’s the end of the world. She doesn’t get upset, she gets very very angry and often over the top.....she also is incredibly messy.....which i cannot stand.

Out of the two weeks I have lived her I can honestly say we have had an over the top argument atleast twice a day and too be honest it’s becoming incredibly depressing.

Any advice on this?
?

[Girl A]

> Do you live with someone? Is it always hard?

> Have you ever lived with someone?

> More importantly have you ever lived with someone and then completely
> regretted it because said person becomes an annoyance?

> Or is this just normal? E.g. do you always regret moving in with someone
> till you get used to it?

Rule of thumb, never move in with someone unless you can have rooms on separate wings.

It's human nature to want space and territory, and having four people under one roof isn't the way to go about it. I know people do it for financial reasons, but for your sanity and your relationship's sake you'd be lot better off moving in a smaller place with your girlfriend, or better yet, two separate places. I think people grossly over-romanticising the idea of living together. The reality is far from that. I'm not saying there's no up side but you're spending most of your time dealing with differences between two individuals and battle over territory. That's not my idea of fun. I lived with someone for two years, I know the score. And frankly, the only way I'd do it again is if someone holds me at gun point. Even then I'd still think twice.

Girl A

[Constantine]

Well i cant say it has been hell, there have been some really nice moments. But your comments have cheered me up a little. I think if i dont feel as strongly against the idea as you do right now then im not doing too bad.

Thanks Ladies(?) you have really helped me out

[Trouble loves me]

> My girlfriend however has spasms of being a real pain......it takes the
> smallest thing to set her off and then everything comes crashing down like
> it’s the end of the world. She doesn’t get upset, she gets very very angry
> and often over the top

That sounds like my mum ... and if you dare to suggest that it's not really the end of world and there are children starving, people living in abject misery and that in the great scheme of things, the current problem might not be that bad, it only makes things worse ... I often wonder why her and my dad are still together, because she nags him half to death. But love is a mysterious thing. And kids (i have younger siblings) can be quite binding.
I can only suggest that, if living under the same roof becomes unbearable, you think of moving out but making it clear that you want to stay with her. I knew a couple who thrived off arguments and the break up / make up relationship, because at first it was exciting, but after two years it wore them out and they had to go their seperate ways. However, some of their best times together were when they weren't under the same roof. So maybe that will work better for you and your girlfriend.
To be brutally honest, if you're hating more than you're loving, perhaps she's not for you. But if you feel that you can't live without her, then you have to discuss things ... and get upset (but not angry) in front of her. You feel depressed about it because you're bottling up and isolating your feelings, but if she sees how unhappy her behaviour makes you, she'll likely try and do her best to change.
I know you said that the friends weren't a problem, but are they a problem for her? Does she feel uncomfortable being so intimate with someone under the same roof as other people and she's subconsciously driving you into the position of 'another friend' ... sorry to second guess and sound like Freud, but you won't really know what she's truly like to live with until it's just the two of you.
I hope you sort things out ... to ask for help like this shows you must love her. Good luck.

[Girl A]

> Well i cant say it has been hell, there have been some really nice
> moments. But your comments have cheered me up a little. I think if i dont
> feel as strongly against the idea as you do right now then im not doing
> too bad.

I knew there was a higher purpose to my dysfunctional life.

Girl A

[mauve21]

> Do you live with someone? Is it always hard?

> Have you ever lived with someone?

> More importantly have you ever lived with someone and then completely
> regretted it because said person becomes an annoyance?

> Or is this just normal? E.g. do you always regret moving in with someone
> till you get used to it?

> Spill, Spill, Spill

> I need help
Yeh I was married now Im not. I live with my son and my cat now.
I dont care if its not normal. I dont want to live with anyone else.
I have enough trouble doing my housework let alone someone elses.
As far as living arrangement go, by the way, should you be worrying about conformity or lack of it? You should just live how you please or at least whatever is most convenient and least soul destroying. I myself, would prefer a mansion and servants and cooks, but there you go.