Shirtlifters of the world unite

[Trouble loves me]

I just wanted to have a good old moan really about working in retail over Christmas, as i'm not 'allowed' to moan on the 'discussion boards' at work ... what's the point of them if you can't bitch?

Firstly, Christmas music in November!?!? i ask you. Not only is most of it terrible, but we have the ONE brilliant song, 'Fairytale Of New York' COVERED!!! by Ronan Kretin and some faux Irish woman who murders her part and changes the best line ... bloody blasphemy.

Secondly, Santa's Sodding Grotto!?!? Which is once again stationed just yards from our shop ... You spend 364 days a year telling your kids not to approach strange men with beards, then you go and sit them on a weird blokes knee.
To my credit, when my parents took me at the age of four, i screamed the grotto down.

Thirdly, we've been given sahes to wear to make us more 'visible' ... i wore mine for 30 mins before i refused to participate. i was soooo angry; they look ridiculous, they get in the way, we're a goddamn bookstore, not a Miss World competition, and i still had a customer come up and say "Do you work here?"

Lastly (i'm sure there's more i could rant about, but time presses ever onward) why do some parents take their toddlers shopping between 9 and 10pm. We had some poor mite yesterday, wailing like a foghorn. You didn't have to be a mother to recognise it as a tired cry.
All the mother could say was "Awww, what's the matter", then "Shhh, i'm trying to look for this book", then "Can you shutup".
I was about to make a citizens arrest for child cruelty ... or at least shout, "Can't you tell that the poor kid is bloody knackered". She'd probably been dragged round every store in the centre just to satisfy her mother's blood lust for designer jeans and books about Jordan.

Some people make my blood boil.

Rant over, i'm off to get Morrissey to make it all better.

[Herr Schnorr Von Carolsfeld]

You have my sympathy. Oft have I seen some poor retail worker around this time and thought "God help them". I find it hard enough to visit shops for a few minutes, never mind hours. There is nothing worse than dealing with the public, as I well know myself. Why don't you see if you can slip a couple of Morrissey discs over the store system instead of yet another Roy Wood, Noddy Holder, or worse, Ronan Gobshite track?

Hope you last, but if you don't, go out with a bang!

[Aly Panic]

It gets my goat too.

http://smithsmoznight.proboards25.com/index.cgi?board=polls&action=display&thread=113160 9601

[Jo Jo70]

Yes, I've done the bookshop at Christmas experience so can sympathise.
Fake bonhomie, sales targets, discounting all the crap stuff that hasn't sold all year.

And the same endless, stupid questions:

'Do you have that book that what's his name was talking about on the radio the other day? You know the chap? He's on BBC 2.' Dear God!

Then there's having to stand all day, and the shame of being paged over the intercom.
Terrible times! But I do have a fantastic book collection now.
Remember now, service with a smile!

[Trouble loves me]

> 'Do you have that book that what's his name was talking about on the radio
> the other day? You know the chap? He's on BBC 2.' Dear God!

I know exactly what you mean ... i spent 20 mins the other day dealing with a guy who wanted someone's autobiography:

Transcript of conversation (slightly embellished on my side with what i'd like to have said):

"I'm looking for a book"
"Yes sir, we are a bookshop"
"Erm, but i don't know what it's called or who it's by"
"That could pose a bit of a problem sir"
"Thing is, i saw him last week on the new series of Room 101, he's that funny chap, does satire, stocky fella, you know, used to be a politician in his younger days"
"Boris Johnson? (show customer a picture in politics section)
"No no, not him ... very well spoken, English gent type." (begins describing him and it sounds like he means Stephen Fry ... but, he's never been a politician ... so i soldier on)
"Yeeeessss ..." Spend at least five minutes trawling our MediaWatch site on the Intranet. No joy.
"Tell you what, i'll look up the schedule for the latest series of Room 101 and see if we can find out" (i Google it and get two possibilities, Irish comedian Dara O'Briain and former politician Gyles Brandreth ... it has to be the latter ... i look hopefully at customer)
"No it wasn't either of them"
"Are you sure the programme wasn't a repeat"
"Weeeellll, I'm not so sure now ... does that mean it's not a new book?"
(Duh ... I'm deciding that the guy hasn't a clue about the author and probably made it up about him being a politician just because he sounded political)
"Can you remember anything else about him ... anything at all?"
"Oh ... he used to be in that programme, you know the one with Rowan Atkinson"
"Blackadder?"
"Yes"
"You mean Stephen Fry?"
"Yes, that's him"

Take customer to Stephen Fry's new book about poetry ...

"This is the chap, but this isn't the book" (i bang head several times against bookcase)
"So it was a repeat on TV?"
"It must've been, i think he was on about his autobiography"

Take him to section where we keep the autobiography ...
We've sold out.

[Ludwig Schnorr von Carolsfeld]

Ha Ha. Horrendous.
Your stock reply in such cases should be "Do you mean Fly Fishing by J.R.Hartley".

[Jo Jo70]

LOL Oh I have been there so many times!
Now we know why staff in bookshops are so surly and have perfected the art of bemused sarcasm.
I used to get a secret pleasure out of getting that far along on the agonising search, and then telling them:
A: We're out of stock.
B: It's out of print.
C: We don't stock it.
particularly if it was total shite.
The look of sheer desperation on their face was something else, especially at Christmas. Oh the power of the bookseller!

[meg]

I heard The Pogues were re-releasing the original Fairy Tale Of New York version this year? Proceeds going to charidee and all that.