W
wet paper towel
Guest
Greetings to you, fellow Mozzites!
As you recall, we worked very hard on this last tour to bring you the most up-to-date information of Oye Esteban 1999. Yes, we may have turned up late to half of the gigs, but that wasn't our fault! We were putting lots of body makeup on just to cover up our chest rashes when we flashed Sack. It is all about looking good for our idols. We thought maybe Sack would have told Morrissey what nice chests we had and possibly talk to us, but hey, maybe this year.
Yes, the year 2000. You know what that means....another Morrissey tour! We're going to give Morrissey an award for it. We hereby decree Morrissey the best artist who played on February 1 in Spokane and left town for Portland the next day. Congratulations, Morrissey!
In the past, the website has been all about us. Our adventures of not being able to feed ourselves, the missed ferries, our canker sores, and our hygiene habits while on the Morrissey tour. Now, it is your chance to be about you. Yes, send us money, and you will be doing your part to help us. Send us to South America. If someone sends us $200 in the next day, we will personally guarantee that one of our Westsham Girls will be exposed to Malaria. We will trap every available mosquito in the area and lock them in the bathroom with one of our girls until she is sufficiently bitten. Thrill to our exciting adventures as we take her to every hospital in the area and snootily turn our noses up at their substandard 2nd world medicine.
If you pledge $25, you will receive an award for "Best Person who gave us $25"
Act now, and when your rent is due at the end of the month, enough time will have passed that you will have forgotten why you are short on cash this month. Feel that twinge of happiness in your heart when you realize you have sent money to several able bodied adults who are out enjoying themselves and trying to have group sex with the roadies while you stay at home and stare listlessly at a rerun of Shasta McNasty.
Please. Do it for us. Do it for our own personal happiness.
As you recall, we worked very hard on this last tour to bring you the most up-to-date information of Oye Esteban 1999. Yes, we may have turned up late to half of the gigs, but that wasn't our fault! We were putting lots of body makeup on just to cover up our chest rashes when we flashed Sack. It is all about looking good for our idols. We thought maybe Sack would have told Morrissey what nice chests we had and possibly talk to us, but hey, maybe this year.
Yes, the year 2000. You know what that means....another Morrissey tour! We're going to give Morrissey an award for it. We hereby decree Morrissey the best artist who played on February 1 in Spokane and left town for Portland the next day. Congratulations, Morrissey!
In the past, the website has been all about us. Our adventures of not being able to feed ourselves, the missed ferries, our canker sores, and our hygiene habits while on the Morrissey tour. Now, it is your chance to be about you. Yes, send us money, and you will be doing your part to help us. Send us to South America. If someone sends us $200 in the next day, we will personally guarantee that one of our Westsham Girls will be exposed to Malaria. We will trap every available mosquito in the area and lock them in the bathroom with one of our girls until she is sufficiently bitten. Thrill to our exciting adventures as we take her to every hospital in the area and snootily turn our noses up at their substandard 2nd world medicine.
If you pledge $25, you will receive an award for "Best Person who gave us $25"
Act now, and when your rent is due at the end of the month, enough time will have passed that you will have forgotten why you are short on cash this month. Feel that twinge of happiness in your heart when you realize you have sent money to several able bodied adults who are out enjoying themselves and trying to have group sex with the roadies while you stay at home and stare listlessly at a rerun of Shasta McNasty.
Please. Do it for us. Do it for our own personal happiness.