Well, I guess you all know about my sexual preference now. So it shouldn't surprise anyone at all that i am a Morrissey fan. Hey, Jerry Falwell said I was gay, and everything the Rev. Falwell says is true, you know. So according to him, it makes sense that I'm a Morrissey fan, because people who listen to Morrissey are all gay and bisexual hedonistic FREAKS!!!!!!
You know why Jerry's saying all this @#!!! about me, don't you? Well, he was very upset with me because he kept coming on to me and i rejected all his advances, 'cause he just doesn't do anything for me. Well, anyhow, in his jealous rampage, he is totally hell bent on sabotaging my good name and career. So hence all this media blitz.
Anyhow, my life has been pure hell for the past week or so. All the other Teletubbies are afraid to stand within 20 feet of me, because they're all afraid that i'll give them "cooties". Oh, and they are all undergoing voluntary AIDS tests, although my relationships with the rest of the teletubbies have all been platonic. Plus, I'm careful, damnit!!!! Jackasses!!!!!
Anyway, this whole ordeal has turned me into a "bitter old queen", so out of frustration I am planning to expose Barney the dinosaur as a homosexual satanic freak. I must stop him before he brainwashes any more young children to join his Doomsday cult!!!
- TW, the flaming hot Teletubby.
P.S. Has anyone seen my "purse"?