whats in your streaming queue

peaky blinders is still on netflix as its a netflix original. yeah i figured what you meant by seeing it all but hey if you didnt know peaky blinders was still on netflix thats a hard claim for me to believe. see, the complexs winding plots are what i love most about it though looking t it was of course a treat in its own right true. not to be contrary but i really hate brittish crime drama as they bore me to tears as well as anything sherlock or doctor who. i guess im a man of leisure these days but honestly it was an adjustment and one im only now coming round to after years to the idea and feeling of it. so uncomfortable that i worked at starbucks which is a lot easier when your boss knows you can just walk out the door whenever (they tend to treat you better and i didnt find working there very taxing or anything). im not super wealthy but my wifes father is fairly wealthy though he spends like a crazy person sometimes (sometimes with weird impulsive purchases and loving by giving to charity and being an activist for the poor here and in el salvador. hes about to go back there in a week as he takes money and medicine while building house for poor people with modern plumbing and the like. he doesnt invest his money but usually gives it away. if he though a friends needed a small down payment to get into a home they couldnt save for hed just give it to them as he has in the past. he scares me but hes an extremely good man who made his own money through his own hard work so i very much respect him) and im not gonna pretend like we dont benefit peripherally like working in his stores when we were in college making more than we would anywhere else and getting hooked up with living space for dirt cheap in very well to do areas which allowed us to not take 0on much debt while my wife got her three degrees from expensive schools (mine wasnt very expensive) and her two minors (im proud of her what can i say) so coming out of school with not much debt and not having to work to hard while in it meaning we could study hard without a lot of stress really helps. also some of my family are medical professionals so we got cheap medical care a lot that we really didnt have to pay full care for etc etc. this all adds up to we dont have to take his money but it put us in a really good spot to get educated for cheap (georgetown notre dam and george washington were not cheap and the debt still scares me when i see it though not her) and now shes got a biology nursing and masters in nursing (practitioner) and is a month away from taking a position as a co investigator in hopkins research where she already works as a research nurse (peds allergy). plus were taking advantage of all the public health grants and loan forgiveness to rid ourselves of the debt without really paying it ourselves. we didnt buy stupid casrs, until recently for me at least, and instead invested in a home ect that when the rates were the cheapest they could be and on top of that one of her relatives died letting us purchase there house for like nothing which we plan to rent out as a rental property. i say all this only because when i tell people i guess im a man of leisure people tend to think that its because of something i inherited or earned which is not the case at all. if it were left to me wed be shabby romantics living in a box shouting about the government at passing cars while they threw trash at us. im extremely lucky but she also told me that a large portion of why she married me was for my genetics which i found odd the more i realized it was true and not some joke. i was given an ultimatum about when the child would come and it very realistically seemed like she was calling in the debt owed. this is nto to say were without affection but at times it can feel odd and confusing to me. sorry for the long explanation but it often does make me feel uncomfortable and just undeserving and sadly, cold
lol, i really dont know what to make of you. i mean, here you dont even want to make a user account, but yet you give a detailed run through of your financial and family situation. also your last line makes me think you would be a star on a psychiatrists couch :p i dont mind of course. i find, you amiable and interesting enough, and im happy to read your posts. actually i think it's great in a way. obviously you didnt owe me an explanation, i just commented on the starbucks thing because i found it a bit funny that you would specify that you worked at starbucks for something to do as though it would make any difference if you worked there because you actually had to. i've worked in enough menial jobs to know that there are plenty of incredibly smart people from respectable backgrounds working menial jobs. all work is honourable. well... not all work... but, you know. personally i always thought it would be kind fun to work at starbucks. maybe ill apply there. but what can i say, im jealous of a person who doesnt have to work for a living and can just read books all day, or whatever it is you do.
no, no, im in canada, peaky blinders is no longer on canadian netflix, i guess you wouldnt have known that. it used to be, but they removed it, like they do all the good things :(
 
and yeah, dr.who bores me to tears too. i dont know why everyone says it's like the best show on television. i tried watching the one with matt smith becaue i really like karen gillan, but i only made it to about 4 episodes. i liked all the characters well enough but the plots tired me out. why did they always have to end up on some other planet? why couldnt they just like walk about town and do shopping and pop in on neighbours and such, and that be what the show is about?
 
and yeah, dr.who bores me to tears too. i dont know why everyone says it's like the best show on television. i tried watching the one with matt smith becaue i really like karen gillan, but i only made it to about 4 episodes. i liked all the characters well enough but the plots tired me out. why did they always have to end up on some other planet? why couldnt they just like walk about town and do shopping and pop in on neighbours and such, and that be what the show is about?

i just grew up poor in a place where people took a lot of pride in work ethic and now that my situation is so drastically changed it weighs on me so the story often just spills out as ive put a lot of thought and worry into it. i also just think i honestly have a very different idea of whats considered detailed as i dont think the above really is and it doesnt take very long for me to write it at all. it just spills out of its own accord. the contradiction of the ethics that i grew up with that my family still pressures me to adhere in order for them to see value in me and not be disappointed in me is hard to reconcile to my new economic position and personal desires as i love them very very much and want to please them still. theyre pretty vocal about it and not shy in telling me about myself and since i love them im trying to please both them and myself and it often leaves me distressed especially since i didnt earn any of it. not a thing. its almost like survivors guilt and not matter of how much outsiders tell me to just enjoy it that doesnt make the internal emotional conflict vanish as i dont have perfect control over what and how i feel. i wish i did (well maybe but thats another philosophical question quagmire for another time. see i can show restraint). i wouldnt have even quit my job if my wife hadnt pressured me so much that i just wanted her to shut up about it and not being able to go anywhere since i would have to work. i a serious man i guess (a very good movie) who takes things seriously. i would just take me as upfront if i were you.

as for the starbucks experience i didnt mind it at all though i didnt take crap off of customers since hey i could just leave which is an advantage that others obviously dont have even the highly educated ones since there degrees dont make them much money in the working world. i could also get away with this as the common workforce in baltimore in pretty abysmal and they had a lot of high turnover. i had a very good work ethic and experience in running our own successful restaurants was a clean freak with a knowledge on how to lmake back room inventory and ordering efficient which eliminates time and waste etc etc. me and the new manager arrived at the same time and took a store who sales forced them into closing at eight and turned it around until the sales supported staying open until ten, passed all of it health inspections with flying colors including starbucks internal ones which are pretty rigorous (we won three awards) and became the store where other store managers would go to train. the new store manager was also very commited to getting this done which in turn earned my loyalty and commitment and now shes promoted to district or regional (i cant remember now) and makes over six fugures which makes me very happy. she earn her success. it was also a starbucks with a law school right accross from it and i met many an interesting person whom i would ask all kinds of questions. i met judges lawyers professors students and it was interesting what theyd reveal to a barista at times, especially the circuit court judge who was pretty awesome. i dont think id have bothered with it if the starbucks was just located on a highway or something such.

i went to see a psychiatrist when i was twenty five, which is what promted the iq test as it was at there request, and was mostly told that my issues were mostly existential and not the result of a disorder. a disorder does promt my frankness but that really there was nothing they couold do and no drugs i could take and that i and the people i was involved with should see a councilor instead which didnt go well. not well at all
 
i just grew up poor in a place where people took a lot of pride in work ethic and now that my situation is so drastically changed it weighs on me so the story often just spills out as ive put a lot of thought and worry into it. i also just think i honestly have a very different idea of whats considered detailed as i dont think the above really is and it doesnt take very long for me to write it at all. it just spills out of its own accord. the contradiction of the ethics that i grew up with that my family still pressures me to adhere in order for them to see value in me and not be disappointed in me is hard to reconcile to my new economic position and personal desires as i love them very very much and want to please them still. theyre pretty vocal about it and not shy in telling me about myself and since i love them im trying to please both them and myself and it often leaves me distressed especially since i didnt earn any of it. not a thing. its almost like survivors guilt and not matter of how much outsiders tell me to just enjoy it that doesnt make the internal emotional conflict vanish as i dont have perfect control over what and how i feel. i wish i did (well maybe but thats another philosophical question quagmire for another time. see i can show restraint). i wouldnt have even quit my job if my wife hadnt pressured me so much that i just wanted her to shut up about it and not being able to go anywhere since i would have to work. i a serious man i guess (a very good movie) who takes things seriously. i would just take me as upfront if i were you.

as for the starbucks experience i didnt mind it at all though i didnt take crap off of customers since hey i could just leave which is an advantage that others obviously dont have even the highly educated ones since there degrees dont make them much money in the working world. i could also get away with this as the common workforce in baltimore in pretty abysmal and they had a lot of high turnover. i had a very good work ethic and experience in running our own successful restaurants was a clean freak with a knowledge on how to lmake back room inventory and ordering efficient which eliminates time and waste etc etc. me and the new manager arrived at the same time and took a store who sales forced them into closing at eight and turned it around until the sales supported staying open until ten, passed all of it health inspections with flying colors including starbucks internal ones which are pretty rigorous (we won three awards) and became the store where other store managers would go to train. the new store manager was also very commited to getting this done which in turn earned my loyalty and commitment and now shes promoted to district or regional (i cant remember now) and makes over six fugures which makes me very happy. she earn her success. it was also a starbucks with a law school right accross from it and i met many an interesting person whom i would ask all kinds of questions. i met judges lawyers professors students and it was interesting what theyd reveal to a barista at times, especially the circuit court judge who was pretty awesome. i dont think id have bothered with it if the starbucks was just located on a highway or something such.

i went to see a psychiatrist when i was twenty five, which is what promted the iq test as it was at there request, and was mostly told that my issues were mostly existential and not the result of a disorder. a disorder does promt my frankness but that really there was nothing they couold do and no drugs i could take and that i and the people i was involved with should see a councilor instead which didnt go well. not well at all
i dont understand this desire to please or to not disappoint family that people have. i have never once felt that, i dont even know how to relate to it. im not sure why, even as a child i wasnt fussed about pleasing anyone with achievements. of course i got a lot of praise no matter what i did, so maybe that's why i never felt any pressure. as far as im concerned, anyone who thinks i should try to please them, family or not--in fact, especially family--can go f*** themselves.

are you a bit of a milquetoast where your wife is concerned? lol
 
basically. aw i love lou reed so much :thumb: sometimes i wish i could just, like, extricate myself from my family. not for any reason really--im not angry or sad or bitter about anything--i just feel like my acquaintance with them has run it's course, and like im not really getting anything out of it. i kinda feel like 'havent i known you all for long enough now, can't we all just like go our own separate ways?' is that terrible? am i inhuman? i wouldnt mind if i was, mind you.
 
she also told me that a large portion of why she married me was for my genetics which i found odd the more i realized it was true and not some joke.

I know marriage for love, for sex, for money, for company, for green card or similar. But the idea of marriage for genetics is completly out of my knowledge. What's "marriage for genetics"? Is it related with dna? Please, if someone can enlighten me...
 
I know marriage for love, for sex, for money, for company, for green card or similar. But the idea of marriage for genetics is completly out of my knowledge. What's "marriage for genetics"? Is it related with dna? Please, if someone can enlighten me...

it means that she wanted my genetics for her children. another example would be when people go to sperm banks and go through booklets of men and look for the one with the best qualifications such as looks education emotional temperament etc. im not saying she didnt have romantic feelings as well but this was also very much an ambition for her. shes very ambitious.

thats why theres different people i guess in the world. i like to please the people i love and if love is sacrifice as nicomachean Ehics told me, which i believe, then i its something i aspire to show them. on a baser level its just something that i feel and if that makes me sad then so be it. it would be cowardice to run from my feelings or to try and guard against them but it also doesnt mean that it doesnt weigh on me. here a shakespeare quote on sacrifice since you have expressed an interest rifke

“Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.
O no, it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wand'ring bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken."
 
yes... It's a drag. In the future will there be no 'family'? An identity of ones own, free to shape from the very beginning by ones own unique and unsoiled hands? ANEW and free to be something other than what is given or forced upon one to be?

To be free of the guilt and the burden of having to always be gratuitous for what has been given/done for one? etc. Can we ever be free? In this lifetime? And to go our 'separate ways'? would that be too much to ask? Since they have invested so much into you,such as..time,love,money... are you not their property by birth ? Are you not a part of their identity? and we know how hard it is to let go of ones identity.

And,no,you are not terrible, just aware of your feelings,which in this world can be a terrible trait in admitting to have.

i think we should just be like animals, once we turn a certain age, we just leave home and never look back. "let the dead bury the dead". im aware that my dad has always felt a certain resentment toward my sister and i for having us at a young age and essentially, in his mind, ruining his carefree young bachelors life--or putting it on hold anyway, because he seems now to be making every effort to resume it. so maybe that's why i feel this need. i mean i could be resentful myself about him, but i just dont care enough, gods honest truth. growing up, there were always so many family dramas that i just felt beneath me to have to be embroiled in, like i really wasnt that invested. i mean, i really like dramatics and all but only when it's poetic and worthwhile, like romantic drama, or grand epic drama, or greek tragedy drama. not undignified pedestrian family drama. ugh. not for me. it seems like it would just be so much preferable to be able to eschew them all altogether and just take my leave.
 
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it means that she wanted my genetics for her children. another example would be when people go to sperm banks and go through booklets of men and look for the one with the best qualifications such as looks education emotional temperament etc. im not saying she didnt have romantic feelings as well but this was also very much an ambition for her. shes very ambitious.

thats why theres different people i guess in the world. i like to please the people i love and if love is sacrifice as nicomachean Ehics told me, which i believe, then i its something i aspire to show them. on a baser level its just something that i feel and if that makes me sad then so be it. it would be cowardice to run from my feelings or to try and guard against them but it also doesnt mean that it doesnt weigh on me. here a shakespeare quote on sacrifice since you have expressed an interest rifke

“Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.
O no, it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wand'ring bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken."

i already know that quote, have it memorized in fact. i have a pretty good memory for words, so i remember every poem i read. that whole thing about marrying for genetics in this day and age is, like, really weird. i dont think you should have accepted that. i dont think anyone has any business marrying someone for their genetics.
 
i already know that quote, have it memorized in fact. i have a pretty good memory for words, so i remember every poem i read. that whole thing about marrying for genetics in this day and age is, like, really weird. i dont think you should have accepted that. i dont think anyone has any business marrying someone for their genetics.

I agree. I don't know why this made me feel so sad. Truth is sad. Everything is relative. Love is not absolute. I would prefer to ignore if someone is with me for another reason than love. I hope he has the kindness to lie till the end.
 
I agree. I don't know why this made me feel so sad. Truth is sad. Everything is relative. Love is not absolute. I would prefer to ignore if someone is with me for another reason than love. I hope he has the kindness to lie till the end.

But it doesn't start that way and I think there's no absolute truth so I do believe love can last forever and also die a sad death. As e grew older the stress of life can bear down on you but to also believe that we can assert on will on the world to change it however we wish. I don't the totality of her affection is gone just hurried under pride and hurt defensive feelings. To drew them out again is a challenge that I'll accept and fight as mine are still very much on the surface. If she stayed because she didn't want to restart her life again since she wanted health intelligent children then I'll pounce on that opertunity and continue my struggle. To devolve k to an animal or despare would I think kill me as I would never again be able to look at myself from that moment forward
 
But it doesn't start that way and I think there's no absolute truth so I do believe love can last forever and also die a sad death. As e grew older the stress of life can bear down on you but to also believe that we can assert on will on the world to change it however we wish. I don't the totality of her affection is gone just hurried under pride and hurt defensive feelings. To drew them out again is a challenge that I'll accept and fight as mine are still very much on the surface. If she stayed because she didn't want to restart her life again since she wanted health intelligent children then I'll pounce on that opertunity and continue my struggle. To devolve k to an animal or despare would I think kill me as I would never again be able to look at myself from that moment forward
Not sure what to say. I grew up hearing the saying Love Lasts till the next one comes along. Sounds harsh but I have seen the truth in that. Best to not try and steer anything, let fate who is more powerful take you along your route? All the best.
 
Why are you anonymous??


The topic is very interesting. Some old, some new. These are mine, now:

Yesterday I watched a nice documentary film, "Sigur Rós: Heima". Wonderful music and landscapes.

Elementary

Bates Motel

Game of Thrones

Baskets

Luther

The Path

Jericho

Girls

The Girlfriend Experience

The Mindy Project

Teachers

Midsummer Murders

Life in Pieces

Togetherness

Castle

Wanted

Modus

Trepalium

2 Broke Girls

Silicon Valley

The Ranch

House of Lies

Billions

The Night Manager

From your list I enjoyed Flaked, Gilmore Girls, Mad Men...[/QUOTE Tabloid and Best of Enemies. Best documentaries I have seen in a while. Not sure you will like them but had to find a link on programmes. Hope you do like them, try before you sigh.
 
and yeah, dr.who bores me to tears too. i dont know why everyone says it's like the best show on television. i tried watching the one with matt smith becaue i really like karen gillan, but i only made it to about 4 episodes. i liked all the characters well enough but the plots tired me out. why did they always have to end up on some other planet? why couldnt they just like walk about town and do shopping and pop in on neighbours and such, and that be what the show is about?
When I was about 3yrs old I shared a bedroom with my brother, he loved Dr Who. So, my mother decorated the bedroom with Dr Who wallpaper. I was beyond terrified, I thought daelicks were real. And a few years later I suffered extreme fear when I watched Planet of the Apes. Thankfully we didn't get the wallpaper to match my terror.
 
Not sure what to say. I grew up hearing the saying Love Lasts till the next one comes along. Sounds harsh but I have seen the truth in that. Best to not try and steer anything, let fate who is more powerful take you along your route? All the best.

i dont believe in fate at all. i believe in possibility and will. i a big follower admirere of thomas paine and love this line among many of his fabulous lines


"We have it in our power to begin the world over again."

we just need to work hard enough and be strong enough while commiting ourselves to accepting pain as necessary and of no consequence to the achievement of our goals
 
Why are you anonymous??


The topic is very interesting. Some old, some new. These are mine, now:

Yesterday I watched a nice documentary film, "Sigur Rós: Heima". Wonderful music and landscapes.

Elementary

Bates Motel

Game of Thrones

Baskets

Luther

The Path

Jericho

Girls

The Girlfriend Experience

The Mindy Project

Teachers

Midsummer Murders

Life in Pieces

Togetherness

Castle

Wanted

Modus

Trepalium

2 Broke Girls

Silicon Valley

The Ranch

House of Lies

Billions

The Night Manager

From your list I enjoyed Flaked, Gilmore Girls, Mad Men...[/QUOTE Tabloid and Best of Enemies. Best documentaries I have seen in a while. Not sure you will like them but had to find a link on programmes. Hope you do like them, try before you sigh.

i like docs so ill try them perhaps as ive the time. best of enemies sounds like a neat title. i watched that brothers at war doc about viet nam and that was great (anything to watchn a war doc thats not about world war two. i dont think i ever wanna see anything about that subject ever again). i like a lot of crime docs myself an inside the american mob was so so good as was crips and bloods made in america andthe farm: life inside angola prison . dirty wars and algorithms were also very good as was my beautiful broken brain. i couldnt understand why the original looked so fake. that scared me more than the story i couldnt understand at the time
 
also nnnoooooooooooooooooooooooooo season two of narcos is pushed back. no
 
"We have it in our power to begin the world over again."

Yes,But it's just that we have to wake up in the morning with the same set of tools and start all over again,which is not fair at all! :lbf:

i dont believe in fairness when it comes to the external world at large or that it owes me fairness. i believe in my own concept of fairness that if i expect to exit then i must push upon the world through my own effort though im not ungrateful to chance and luck. develop better tools, improve yourself. its hard but not impossible
 
no,won't go there.I know enough. It is evil.

not just about declaring it evil but about celebrating the people who fought against it especially the jouralists. theyre story is whats interesting not the church of scientology
 
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