Hello all.
Dear oh dear. This thread really is shameful, and it’s only three posts in! We already have sheep, cabbage, a drunken Paddy with no brains… when will we get around to mentioning potatoes? And don’t forget the leprechauns! Something tells us that someone like ‘CrystalGeezer’ would have been the person to mention the leprechauns, with an earnest question about whether they exist or not.. Then by page two !Viva Hate! would enter to make one of his ‘controversial’ statements, likely about how all Irish men are belligerent wife-beaters, or something equally ‘shocking’. [He’d then sign out and lurk for an hour to see if he had managed to provoke a reaction.]
Luckily the Irish are the most tolerant of the world’s historically oppressed groups, and even when faced with genuine discrimination are more likely to poke fun at themselves or turn the other cheek than to take offence. I’m willing to give ‘eyeball’ the benefit of the doubt about his/her opening post, even though I’m sceptical that this person would have begun their message with “I’m going to Africa in two weeks…. will they perform one of their voodoo spells on me?”, “I’m going to the USA soon… will I return home weighing 400 pounds?”, or another asinine stereotype if he/she was seeking advice about a place other than Ireland. But we’re forgiving you ‘eyeball’, an apology isn’t necessary, don’t worry the ‘fatwas’’ aren’t coming out yet. We doubt you’ll get trampled by sheep during your trip, but wouldn’t it be ironic now if you were!
As for MozRecording’s anecdote… there are three things wrong with your sentence "Hey man, I got busted at the border. I need five grand bail."… and that’s no Irish person would say “hey man” or “busted” in that manner, and it’s debatable whether they would say “five grand bail”; those sayings simply aren’t in common parlance in Ireland [apart from, perhaps, amongst the Americanised youth]. You may be referring to a 3rd or 4th generation Irish-American, if this person truly exists, and if you weren’t just attempting ‘humour’… but even then, those Americans really aren’t considered ‘Irish’ by those who still inhabit the motherland. If your story’s antagonist does genuinely exist, and is Irish-American, then I can assure you that the Irish population won’t wish to claim him as one of their own... They’re notoriously selective over whom they claim, as is Morrissey-solo’s own Johnny ‘Empire’ Barleycorn, who recently insisted that Morrissey is ‘English’; refusing to even humour the notion that he might be Irish, or hold dual-citizenship. Would he be so quick to claim a second generation Irish traveller/gypsy in England, as English? He may instead privately wish that the ‘pikey’ would return back to the Irish hole that his ancestors crawled out of..
Now onto MozRecording’s ‘Irish Mammies’ comment; although I may live in ‘Mom’s Basement’, of the innumerable Irish people whom I’ve met during my life, never once have I heard any of them say anything close to “mamma this, mamma that. Oh, my Irish mother”. This seems about as believable and reliable as your “Hey man, I got busted at the border” comment. If such a person existed, who’s Irish, and their mother is too, why would they feel the need to refer to her as their “Irish” mother? Something doesn’t ring true…
For those who might wonder… ‘Empire Johnny’ and !Diva Grates! were called out in this post as we’ve seen them make what we deem to be ‘anti-Irish’ comments in the past. If they have a problem with it then they know where to find me…
How about you !Diva!, speak up, have you got a problem with it boy? We’re not afraid of you…. especially now that we’ve seen your ‘top 16 favourite musical artists’ list. LOLOL! My secretary Sookie and I were browsing this forum a few nights ago when we came across it… comedy gold!! As I succumbed to a five minute belly laugh, Sookie turned to me and said “The only acts missing from this list are Liberace and Barry Manilow! Does his 'insignificant other' know?” which caused me to keel over and fall out of my chair in hysterics! I was lying on the floor for the next few minutes wiping the tears from my eyes and struggling to catch my breath! We found the list hilarious because !Diva! is so well known on these forums for being rampantly homophobic, although I of course scolded Sookie afterwards for being ‘politically incorrect’.
Hey !Diva! man, you gonna come at me and give me everything you got? You’re busted! I’m waiting for you…. let’s see who the real big swingin’ dick Alpha Papa is around here. I wanna see what you’re packing! You can bring ‘Skydiver’ [preferably without a parachute] with you if you’s scared. Maybe he can hold it for you when we compare measurements…. he still owes me anyway... Sookie is good but nothing beats those sweet pink lips.. I’ve been waiting for this moment! It’s time to cash in my IOU! I wanted the moment to come sooner but I was too busy polishing my framed ‘Charles’ Dahmer pictures. Anybody else want to step to me? Who’ll throw down the gauntlet? You’ll get dropped! Believe me… Don’t fcuk with us… we are LEGIONz, etc.
To answer the question about Ireland… you do realize that it’s the country of Joyce, Beckett, Swift (more contentious Johnny territory), Wilde, Clarence Mangan, Maturin, Behan, Flann O’Brien, and dozens more of literature’s best and brightest? There’s more to Ireland than Cabbage and Catholicism. Visit Mountjoy! WPINOYB will have just been released, you’ll see the inspiration behind one of its most stunning and heart-rending songs. Bring a copy of ‘Borstal Boy’ with you, maybe you can trick people into thinking that you’ve read it. However the natives won’t be best pleased if you attempt to get ‘intellectual’ on them, they might label you a ‘gowl’ and set the sheep on you…
Other than that you can take in all the usual tourist sights, the Cliffs of Moher, the centuries old castles… ermm.., what else… I’m not very good at this, I’ve never been to Ireland. LOL! I doubt I could even pick it out on a map! I hear they like potatoes though, and cabbage. You could ask MozRecording to give you Dan Sullivan’s number and he might give you a guided tour? I’d say there’s some interesting graffiti on the burned out and derelict buildings in Crumlin, you could try that? Or how about going to see Samantha Mumba’s place of birth? Would you be interested in obtaining an autographed picture of Marty Morrissey? They're in hot demand! When you visit Mountjoy, mention the name ‘Mozambiguous’ to any of the prison guards and watch how their faces change… tell them that Mozambiguous says they're all a bunch of eejits, and watch them grin and take it! They know better...
If you happen upon Gerry Adams and Martin McGuinness anywhere, tell them that Mozambiguous says that he knows what they did that summer… they’ll know what’s meant by it, we’ve had dealings with them before.. They won’t dare to step to me.. once bitten, twice shy. !Diva! will learn this, in time. They all learn….
Must dig out my map of the world now to find where this ‘Ireland’ country is!
Best
Mozambiggestswingingdickuous.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BmANPPIi168
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qw9RVjEN9OI
