yes, just very busy at work, just moved a few weeks ago, meaning I had no internet here til today
oh yeah, and my entire life was in a holding pattern when I got a call from a Chinese hospital the day after my birthday
where I had some tests run after getting real sick with a stomach infection the week before, it went away after a few days, but then they called me the next week to tell me I was HIV positive
at that moment the whole world collapsed for me, except for this little voice that said,
this is China, they get shit wrong here all the time
so I had more tests done and was in a kind of limbo til this Monday, I can honestly say that I had thought that I had all the major events
(other than having kids)
which can cause one to have epiphanies, totally re-examine one's life and what not
and sure enough, that little voice was right and the largely incompetent Chinese medical profession was wrong the first time
I suppose 50/50 aint bad though for a country really still more "third world" than "1st"
obviously I am relieved to not be stricken with what would likely amount to death sentence for me :nopity:
honestly, I unintentionally spent time on more than one occasion daydreaming about getting back in shape / "training" not in order to lengthen my life expectancy
with HIV
but so I could take some bastards with me
you know, make my death have some meaning
in my other free time I went the other way, reading the
Bardo Thodol, meditating, and thinking about making some much needed to trips to see some people at least one last time before I die
but poof, all that is gone now on a very real level, yet something lingers within me
I mean other than the feeling of being somehow "wronged" with having this happen? to me & the memories of 2 of the most unproductive weeks in my very busy life here in China
what it is I don't know, but I just feel my perspective has changed in a way that I get the sense is better than it was before this shit got dumped on me
hmm, maybe I should thanks those idiots for jerking me around like this
well, whatever, stuff to do, and were down 2 teachers this week at my work, so going in early....
update:
my flatmate got fired today