Symbolic Stuff Nobody Gives a Crap About

Blizzard saved the world.

Matthew 8:24
And behold, there arose a great storm on the sea, so that the boat was being covered with the waves; but Jesus Himself was asleep.

So if Morrissey is my architect and he was gaming, he was choosing alchemy for his wizards. In the distance I was learning real hermetic concepts and while Evan was swaying my studies to incorporate Kabbalah, I kept veering towards Alchemy tracts and texts. Who decided that? I was still asleep, but my architect was making selections. Now I know how to crown and meditate and convert shit to gold. In a bizarre way it makes PERFECT sense.
 
Okay. *sigh*

This is nearly impossible to explain but I'll try. I was entangled in a mess of a relationship and subdued Stockholm Syndrome Style by a man whose initials are LEJ. Evan. THe male part of him was very abrasive and hateful and nasty. THe female part of him who I coined Ellie Jay taught me everything I know that is weird. So I caught her on camera today teaching me REALLY WEIRD STUFF, but there's gold in it. Evan was talking about Erich Von Danican Chariot's of the Gods stuff that he literally believes (I say it's hokey but never close your mind to ideas) but the interesting part is that you can see the mannerisms of the gentle Evan, or Ellie, that I knew and who pointed me in the right esoteric directions for the bulk of my freelance occult studies.

 
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The thing about Ellie is you can't interrupt her or she shifts back into Evan who gets lost and frustrated, then abusive. So you just have to listen to her. Also you can't know more than she does or she gets low self esteem then shifts back into Evan who gets lost and abusive, so on and so forth.

So my job for 20 years was to just listen, quite the task for someone with ADHD. :D
 
THe thing that's interesting about his thought is that the neanderthals developed into humans, but the real humans arrived as space explorers from another planet searching for monatomic gold to mine which provided electricity for their planet. THe Neanderthals developed INTO looking like the original humans, then the original humans USED the neaderthals to mine the gold. So applying that to the principal that bully fathers raise bully sons, it makes sense that we are NOW using animals to mine our food, because we were once used to mine gold...and we're taking it out on the animals since our species was once in the same boat, but now we THINK we're on top not knowing that the animals are actually God who seeks our empathy to end the cycle of slavery.

I drove all the way to Westwood to hear this lecture today. :p He's doing okay, he has a water-retention/circulation problem stemming from eating cookies instead of monitoring his diabetes because "NOBODY TELLS ME WHAT TO DO."
 
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Ready?

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Sometimes I hate my f***en friends. :straightface:

When she figures out what CITY HER CAR IS PARKED IN TOMORROW she's f***ing cleaning it up. IN MY GODDAM PURSE. I was almost vomiting all the way home. I already cleaned her chorizo vomit out of my honeycomb seats in the Benz years ago, I'm not f***ing cleaning this mess up. AND I DROVE HOME I WON'T EVEN GET INTO THAT.

See, this is why it's best to go dancing alone.

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I'm so confused for a number of reasons but I just opened the Christmas present from #8. Peter's wife's name is Diana.

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- - - Updated - - -

They've just left to drive to San Francisco til the 10th to visit his daughter. I texted him for an explanation.
 
Are they shills?

If it's God that made Peter make a mistake, then no big deal. But if it's shills then I'm freaked the f*** out. God doesn't scare me, humans do. Because they f*** everything up, they want to control and monitor and possess.
 
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Ellie Jay 1959.

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My Welsh Dragon freshly hatched.

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Peter just called. It was God. Diana's middle name is Beatriz and they call her Betty. He also asked if I could put the macaroni salad she left on the counter in the freezer for him. Sometimes having a master key is convenient for my tenants. I often am called to put food away and turn off irons.
 
An "Of course!" excites me. But it's a coincidence, like the time I stub my toe and bizarre-leg-pic-sending-corresponder randomly emails "Are you okay? I worry." So I'll invest in a lead, and it gets dropped. I'm so f***ing exhausted I literally don't give a shit. It's REPORT REPORT REPORT, but nobody reports to me so I know I'm making contact and I end up feeling like a f***en idiot.

Yesterday I was at the VA and was standing in the foyer waiting for the elevator. A disgruntled vet strolls by with a mad look on his face. Around the corner comes another with an officer saying, "THat's the one, that's the one who called me *blah blah blah*" (I don't remember what bc I was shocked as I'll tell in a second.) The mad vet says "I ain't do nothin'" and the officer says "Get down on the ground. You have a weapon, get down on the ground!!!" Then the vet ARGUED. "I AINT GOT NO WEAPON, I GOT MY METHADONE SYRINGE." THen the cop draws his gun and I'm literally in the middle. So I ran and took the service elevator, the vet just wanted to argue and be an asshole, the cop was ready to shoot him. What a waste to be in the middle of gunfire to prove a great point.

Somebody needs to back down and help or something, things are off, I feel starved for something, tons of fear and confusion...I hate today. And yesterday.
 
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The thing that concerns me, the red flag that I'm not sure is calculated, accidental, on bad advice or WHAT, is the minute I get a little security that I'm communicating to a safe person, the minute I'm given a c***hair of an acknowledgement, it's cut off with lies, bad leads, and silence. THe red flag is that it's a control issue, "Leave her hanging and see what she gives you. Don't engage, make her vomit her info in desperation, it's the only way."

Well, f*** you. I'm on your team, asshole. HELP ME. I'm not a Simm character, I'm a f***en real person who is by the day not wanting ANYTHING to do with this and losing all empathy for misdirection and past betrayal. I feel betrayed now. What the f*** is going on? Why am I reduced to blah blah blah on solo when I'm the one with all the goddam keys?
 
Pardon me, I am in the WORST f***en mood. My phone was about to die because I didn't charge it because my charger was in the vomit car this morning. So I go to Best Buy and invest in a $30 power pack that says is fully charged and ready to use. I get it, go to Barnes & Noble, sit down to charge my phone, the f***ing thing is dead as a doornail. But I'm too f***ing TIRED to walk back and return it. THen I go to Petsmart to buy catfood and I can't remember my phone number to get the discount, can't look up my phone number because my phone is dead, the f***ing bitches at the register wouldnt f***ing shut the f*** up talking about where Suzy likes to take her f***ing goddam coffee breaks, it was like they were AGGRESSIVELY BEING ASSHOLES and I couldn't think of my own goddam phone number. THen at Bathing Body WOrks TWO SEPERATE CLERKS KEPT TRYING TO GIVE ME A BAG SO I DIDNT HAVE TO HOLD THE ONE CANDLE I WAS HOLDING. I wanted to scream "I DON'T NEED A f***ING BAG" and punch everyone in the face and destroy the FORTY f***ING HAND SANITIZER DISPLAYS ON THE WAY OUT, but I couldn't.

Ooop! still no email to comfort me. Not unless I'm getting dream raped. Isn't it GREAT? At this point I'll gladly run with the lies to hear SOMETHING. THen I go into Tilley's and f***ing Beck WHO IS ALWAYS ON MY SIDE is yammering on "She's alone in the new pollution..." No shit.

Those Petsmart girls, OMG. THey were NOT picking up my clues. I was like, "Ummmm, I can't think...could you please stop...I can't think of it..." WHere does Suzy go? SHe likes Starbucks. No I think she likes Coffee Bean. But one time she went to Corner Bakery. OMG do you thinks she went to Corner Bakery? DOes she like their coffee?" Literally. Communicating NOTHING at maximum volume for three solid minutes. I was losing my f***en mind. But I'm too polite to say, "Could you two shut up for three seconds please?"
 
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My boss is perturbed I "haven't made any progress" in getting better because I have a cold and doesn't want my germs in her house and she'll manage Christmas without me.
 
Even my proof is grey-driven.
 
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